Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?

King Tootsarecommon.

👍︎ 5
📅︎ Feb 14 2021
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Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million Pounds." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Three days later, she became his stepmother...

👍︎ 9
📅︎ Sep 25 2019
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It's that time of year that my wife's family divides up holiday hosting duties.

Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner are already spoken for, but Thanksgiving hasn't been discussed yet. Thanksgiving is usually at my father-in-law's, but my stepmother-in-law has previously hinted that she might not want to host anymore.

Wife: "I talked to [stepmother-in-law] today, and she didn't say 'boo' about Thanksgiving."

Me: "Did she say 'gobble gobble'?"

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👤︎ u/tfofurn
📅︎ Oct 17 2019
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Medical emergencies can be funny, too.

Had a seizure. Epilepsy sucks. I woke up, then this happened.

Dad: "Ah, you're awake. Did you see God?"

I couldn't quite see yet, but I knew he was waiting to say something clever. So I tried to turn it around before I passed out again.

Me: "I don't know. I might have. If I did, he bears a striking resemblance to the carpet."

Dad: "Let us thank the Floored that you didn't hurt yourself."

My stepmother said he made several more while I was out in the ER and in the ambulance.

Goddammit, dad.

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👤︎ u/ZTheJerk
📅︎ Nov 06 2013
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Dadjoked at chilis today

Stepmother: its so cold in here

Patron: yeah we are sitting right under the vents.

Dad: thats why its called chilis!

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👤︎ u/lemywincks
📅︎ Oct 26 2014
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