I told my Granddaughter be careful with that Chinese take out soup it’s heavy-

It’s Won-Ton

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boipaul27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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My granddaughters are coming to visit. They're 6 and 8.

I'm sure they'll do better next year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StanleyQPrick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
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My 5 year old granddaughter kept following me while holding a bucket. I asked her what the bucket was for and she said . . .

β€œDad says if you kick it, we’ll be rich!!”

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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My Granddaughter and I just watched Frozen. Now she won't stop singing songs from the movie.

I wish she would just Let It Go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fudog1138
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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My granddaughter wanted to know how tall she was, so I asked her to stand up.

I said, β€œthere you go, you’re that tall”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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HER: My friend has a new granddaughter

ME: Why, was there something wrong with the old one?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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From my granddaughter: "What's blue and smells like red paint?"

"Blue paint!" (I'm so proud of her.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0b
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
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Kathleen Turner’s granddaughter is a real bookworm, she just loves reading...

I guess that’s why they called her Paige.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vyvyanovich
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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My dad has is baby granddaughter's best interest at heart, yet he's still logical.

While putting footie pajamas on my baby niece we realized she was too tall for them. My dad says, "Cut off her feet and they'll fit. She's young, she'll adapt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lrnrae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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Elephant response

My four year old granddaughter just came home from the zoo and asked why elephants have trunks. I did not miss a beat and replied they have too much stuff for a suitcase.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macmanfan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
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Got my son on the day of his first child's birth

My granddaughter was recently born, and she is, of course, perfection incarnate. However, the night she was born, I got my son.

We had left his girlfriend's hospital room where she was in labor (14 1/2 hours!) to get some coffee. As we did so, I gave him some fatherly advice.

Me: Son, you know how everyone acts like all babies are beautiful?

Him: Yeah.

Me: Well, you and I both know that it's not true. There are some ugly babies out there. Now, I am not saying yours is going to be, I am sure she's going to be fine, but just in case...

Him: Yes?

Me: You know those signs at some bathrooms that say "Baby Changing Station"? Just stick her in there, close the lid...

Him: OMG, Dad, shut the fuck up!

Me: <literally tapdancing away>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daneelthesane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overhe

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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The dad in me is beginning to show up

I asked my friend how exactly I might be related to one of my cousins...

Me: "So if my grandmother has a sister who happens to have a granddaughter, is she my second cousin?"

Friend: "Yeah.. I believe she is your second cousin"

Me: "So that means my children and her children are going to be minute cousins?"

Friend: "..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldenbat23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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Got a Grandpa at work tonight...

I work as a server at a large chain restaurant (Applebee's), and got an old man at one of my tables tonight.

Old guy: I'll take a salad, Caesar.

Me: You can just call me Jeff

He grinned for about 10 seconds before chuckling, and I even got his wife and granddaughter laughing with it. Mission accomplished.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fsusparks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2015
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Was a witness to a (grand)dad joke last night at a restaurant.

Grandpa was tucking his toddler granddaughter into her seat at the table when the waitress asked "would you like a high chair or a booster seat?" to which he instantly responded "No thanks I'm tall enough".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaaaaaaamesbaxter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
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TV Marathons

So the wife is looking at the TV guide, and she says "All that's on this week is marathons. There's a Law & Order marathon, a Blue Bloods marathon, a Bones marathon...".

So I say "They should have an Amazing Race marathon".

Granddaughter laughed for half a minute. Wife just groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0b
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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My mother defending her height

My mom is not more than 5 foot, so we all tease her about being short. My daughter is now as tall as her, so in church my mom is introducing her granddaughter to some friends and says that she has to wear elevator shoes to stay taller than her. I chime in, "yes, sometimes her elevator doesn't go to the top floor." The couple lost it, my mom was stunned, my daughter laughing her head off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eeeper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
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