I'm clearly winning in the family pun group text imgur.com/DQxgfoL
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnmazz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I’m going for a jog and then I don’t...

It’s my longest running joke of the year so far...

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Argument at family dinner...
πŸ‘︎ 22k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
It was a family recipe
πŸ‘︎ 257
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
My grandfather’s broken watch is as relevant to my family today as it was to him 50 years ago.

It’s a timeless piece, really.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Apu and his family went on a bike ride.

It was known as the Nahasapeema-peloton.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I challenged my entire family to see who could fast the longest.

You could say my competition is getting slim.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theonlyMOONMAN
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
My family is mad at the fact that I have a really bad sense of direction

So I packed my bags and right.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndytheMVP
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
My family can’t seem to find the tv remote. They’ll never find where I hid it.

It’s in a very remote location.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunkyFaz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you mix a Jewish family with fruit?

Apple Jews (Please don’t take this offensively I’m a dumb 12 year old)

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Inoocent_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
My family is tired of me telling dad jokes during quarantine.

I replied β€œwhat’s wrong? you don’t like inside jokes?”

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LTenaciouSD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
My family always say I'm the stubborn one,

But I refuse to believe it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/papaduck_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
My family ate thresher shark for the first time yesterday. My dad took a bite and said

Look at me!!! A man eating shark!!!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/roscoe9420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
The Calzoni Family [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimvelvetpi
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
UPS says my book on evergreen herbs from the mint family lamiaceae is going to be delivered tomorrow by end of day.

It's about thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eth0null
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
How will he support his 3mm family?
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsureyoudo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife left me on a Family Field trip

I should've made my wife turn right.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chair_Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
A family gets a rabbit, and friend comes over.

Friend: So what are you gonna name him?

Dad: It's a hare, actually.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CanaanRS
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I need glasses to see my family

More specifically, two glasses .... of scotch

(Credit: Norm Macdonald Live)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sillysadandsolemn
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Standing firm for family values
πŸ‘︎ 135
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Obviousbrosif
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the family that went on a safari, they saw a giraffe and a meerkat

That’s about the long and short of it

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seatheous
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I got my family this new type of fancy European yogurt.

I hope it makes us more cultured.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reepicheep08
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
As a child I lost some family members to choking. My brother choked, my mother choked and now I find out that my.....

Artichoke(d)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotAnotherAndy
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
My family just celebrated the 200th anniversary of owning a buffalo farm!

Yep. It's our bison-tennial.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I’m starting to enjoy my family’s company...

...I have Stuck Home syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HXCg4m3r
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Dad, which state supports baking as a family activity?

Whisk on, son.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shouldExist
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
While having dinner last night, my daughter looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" Proudly, I replied, "Yes, my little princess, yes I am!"

She continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
When dad took the family to Florida, we finally got to see the place his boat was docked as a child...

It was good to see dad's berth place.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Why did the Smurf family decide not to move into the new house?

There wasn't mushroom.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
family is family

Everybody knows Albert Einstein was a genius , but very few know his brother Frank was a monster.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kjvlv
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xxUsernameMichael
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
My buddy says he’s a member of the royal family on paper

Prints

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/piratecheese13
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
My family laughed at my jokes about being in quarenteen...

Thanks! I'll be here all week!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmabbz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I’m going jogging, but then don’t go.

It’s a running joke.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Baby gender reveal at my family reunion

My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.

One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.

Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, β€œDo you have a name for the baby yet?”

My brother replies, β€œYeah. Liana Noelle.”

Everyone starts to β€œOoohhh” and β€œAhhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, β€œHow the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mzahit29
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him β€œHow come there’s no charge?”

He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
My family complains that I never talk during breakfast because I still read a newspaper.

You can say.... I’m behind The Times.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
In a poor family, a son says to his dad: Dad I'm cold.

Dad: Go sit in the corner it's 90 degree

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RlPsoul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
As a Chinese in Wuhan, I'm finally able to see my family!

Wait... that's not my family... neither is that...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
So I wanted to marry a muskmelon against my family's will

Unfortunately I cantaloupe

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AJAX214_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
His family is broken at the moment
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roman_Briggs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
While I joined the Army and started a family, my brother Samuel became a doctor. After one of his patients died, my kids asked him what happened.

He told them, "Sorry, Uncle Sam's health care isn't the best."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/problematikUAV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
I asked my family not to speak at the dinner table.

I wanted peas and quiet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boop108
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Why are the women in the Trump family called the brass section?

Because they’re Trump-ettes

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
What happened when the entire family got food poisoning?

Baby shart, do do do do

Mommy shart, do do do do

Daddy shart, do do do do...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
Do you know why wrestler's family is terrified?

Dad works from home now.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Somebody_Nobody93
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Family group chat asking my Dad about the giant bottle of Mustard he bought

A pump? No, I just refill a smaller squeeze bottle to fit in the fridge.. but I relish all the comments you guys made. - Bryan (59)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hali_Stallions
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
My family was going around in a circle all making jokes. It got to my dad, and he didn’t say anything. I lean over and say to him:

”Dad, joke”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBudderBomb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
My response to my wife’s update to friends and family regarding my surgery
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skhenson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
I told my family I was going to invest in toilet paper.

They told me I was full of shit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daenja
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the duck family take in the orphaned cygnet

β€˜Swan more mouth to feed

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/juicymayo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
I was talking to a Mexican family about how I was going to compete in the Olympics, and asked who they were rooting for

They replied, β€œYou, ese!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Camachama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Got together with some family for a devour some BBQ today

It was a quick meating.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
My Japanese friend is not the only cute girl in her family...

Her sister is Kyoto

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
My whole family was mad at me
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JosefStalinPants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How do pig families save money on clothes?

They use ham-me-downs

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
If the family that popularized gull-winged doors had a baby girl, and they wanted to name her in honor of Star Wars...

She could be Amanda Mandalorian DeLorean

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. I’m a pretty liberal guy but if I’m having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What if the joke is almost family-friendly?

Is it halfsome?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivyzord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives

I said, I don't hate your relatives, in fact, I like your mother in law a lot more than I like mine

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bluetoken12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
Why's my dad the funniest one in the family?

Because no one except dadjokes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas
πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bound4Oregon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A family drove to Disney Land, but they turned back and drove away

Because they saw the sign, "Disney Land left"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
The family wasn't thrilled with my cheese choices.

Queso?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/osirisrebel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My family was eating birthday cake, and one of the he toppings looked like striped bark, so my mom asked my dad, " Do you want a bark?"

And my dad replied, "Ruff!"

I liked it but everyone else groaned

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendOfKhaos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
What separates a canine family tree from other species?

The bark.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcapz87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
If Harry decided to take up painting now he’s stepped back from the royal family...

...he would be the artist formerly known as Prince.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tecfrigo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
My wife's sister and her family came to visit but I was hiding in the den. She came in and told me not to be antisocial.

I reminded her that I'm a guy.

That would make me uncle social.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iiooiooi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
My family looked at me weird when I said I am a crossdresser.

"What?" I said and went back upstairs to finish decorating the crucifix.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bright_Vision
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
My dad went from person to person at the family reunion passing out SIPPs, DIPPs, SIMMs, and DIMMs.

Whe asked about why, he said it seemed like the right occasion for sharing old memories.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BringOutTheGMMP
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
My family's favourite pun since the 2016 election.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My family all wore vests for the annual family photo day.

It was the vest day ever. Until i had to take mine off. I just wasn't as invested as they were.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HyperGameGuy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
My wife complained that my life revolving around social media has destroyed the way we communicate as a family...

So I blocked her

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ch57113
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
My family and I got wonton soup but we needed one more,

so now we have twoton soup.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s1ncha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
How did the inmate call his family?

On his cell phone.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigEZK01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving Day jokes.

I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to dinner with a cannibal family I know. The conversation was flowing. Their daughter suddenly piped up β€œMummy I don’t like Nanny”. The mother replied...

β€œWell leave her on the side and just eat your vegetables”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
Protect your family and loved ones from the Coronavirus.

Switch to Heineken.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NissanSkylineGT-R
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
I looked up MY family tree

and got hit with a coconut.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpecOpsAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
It's tradition in my family to always put up the Chris-mas decorations the day after Thanksgiving
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JamilliousThePaws
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
When we were in Orlando, my family wanted to go to SeaWorld.

But I failed to see the porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
A yearly tradition, my family gets together and everyone rides in a wagon thru the city, saying "hello" to all people on the street...

It's our hey-ride.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My father-in-law (who's last name is Word) after a week of travel: Are you getting sick of the Word "family"?

Me: That's an odd word to get sick of.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dye590
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes ...

But I told them I couldn't quit "cold turkey "

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Conviction666
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does a chef not cook stir fry for his family ?

He doesn't like bringing his wok home.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BuddhaBlessThou
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
What was Peppa Pig's family doing on Thanksgiving?

They were bacon stuff.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarm0nger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My 3 favourite things are eating my family and not using commas.
πŸ‘︎ 177
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/khanglikestowin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I was just reminiscing with my family about our last visit to the Clock Museum.

Good times.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought IBS was in my family

But for me it just runs in my genes

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
We just had our family portrait painted. I'm a little bummed.

I had my eyes closed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Einstein and Freud once were having a conversation. Freud was talking about inner family romantic relationships.

...And Einstein said it was all relatives.

(Not from me, from Josh Fonokalafi)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenRedittor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I met a man who owned cheese that had been in his family for eight generations.

It was Heirloumi.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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