The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
We all nodded out heads in No
Dad : "Mentos"
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Try this on for sighs.
I told her I’d look into it.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
Unless of course they're buried in the same cemetery.
I guess that's how they stay fit though.
All those dead lifts.
It was the Green Arrow.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas
So we let her live.
It's all relative
I'm torn. I'm neither here nor there.
Guess you could call it pop culture
My parents are both older.
We got joint problems
They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking
and not using commas
We live in A flat.
That's a moray.
We're more of a Waffle House.
'But your mother thinks it's been ruff.'
I know where to draw the line...
It’s my longest running joke of the year.
So now at every family funeral I ask , " Are you next , are you next ? "
Yesterday I looked for it again and saw four dogs using it.
One thing led to another, and the father and son get into a pretty heated argument.
The son stands up and storms off, headed to his room.
As he is going up the stairs, he yells down to his dad, "Jim Morrison is overrated!!!"
So, the dad screams back, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!?!?!"
Papa balloon, Muma balloon and Bubba balloon.
Bubba balloon was still sleeping with Papa and Muma balloon but he was starting to get too big.
Papa and Muma balloon got a bedroom setup for Bubba balloon so they can finally sleep alone. But every night he would come in crying to sleep with Papa and Muma balloon but they never let up.
But one night, Bubba balloon waited for the Papa and Muma balloon to be faaaast asleep. He tried to squeeze in between them but he couldn't quite fit. Very carefully, he started to let some air out of Papa balloon... It wasn't enough. Very carefully, he let some air out of Muma balloon... But it still wasn't enough. He didn't want to deflate his parents any more... So he slowly let some air out of himself. It was perfect. He snuggled in and slept soundly.
The next morning, you could imagine how disappointed Papa and Muma balloon was. Papa balloon said: We tried to help you and tried to help you grow in toy a Big Boy balloon. We are so disappointed with you.
You let ME down... You let your Muma down... But most disappointing of all... You let yourself down!
Very Sketchy People
I've told it a few times you see.
I told her, "your mother-in-law is way better than mine!"
They said it was a baaaaad joke
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
But I knew I’d end up with too much Thyme on my hands
I said "no we all seem to enjoy it!"
2000 lbs of soup goes along way.