It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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In my family, we like to ridicule whoever gets the fewest amount of gifts at Christmas.

(This is a true story.)

Usually this is my Dad. My Mom will be opening presents all day, and Dad is done after he unwraps his three gifts.

We really give him a hard time and he loves it. He's a champ.

Well one year, we're opening gifts, and my brother's got almost nothing in his little pile. He had recently bought a house and his main gift was a garden hose.

This is exciting because we're gonna just tear into him. He is a good sport and he is ready to bask in the glory of his Christmas failure.

We finish the unwrapping and my Dad looks over to him and says "Well son, you really got hosed this year".

P.S. I am x-posting my own comment from an AskReddit thread at someone's suggestion, and definitely NOT in a shameless quest for karma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbenz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Family asked me to find the christmas tree to put up, looked around for it, couldn’t find that thing anywhere, its a MYSTREE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/savage-nun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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Why don’t mobsters see their families on Christmas?

Foget’boutit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Misterwashy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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Got my whole family on Christmas with this one.

My mother was talking about a friend of hers who is really skinny because she works out all the time.

Mom: All she does is bike and exercise, she doesn't even have a stomach.

Me (with a purposely bewildered look): Then how does she eat anything?

Many eye rolls and groans were had and my wife just glared at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mydrumluck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2016
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I'm going to display my candy cane collection for our family Christmas party this year...

After all, they're in mint condition...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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Taking a family photo outside for our Christmas card...

... and it's cold and I want to go inside, so I start suggesting indoor pictures.

Me: "Let's take a picture by the fireplace. Or the piano."
Dad: "How would we get the piano out here? Think, son!"
Me: ...
Dad: [laughs uproariously at self]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Habefiet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
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My Dad came home from shopping and said he had bought a new exciting board game for the family to play at Christmas!

http://imgur.com/a/GPyVq

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomStud3nt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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I was playing Bingo with my girlfriend's family for Christmas Eve, and her dad always announces the numbers

Everytime B-9 comes up, he says:

"B-9... not malignant."

-____-

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightsOfTheNight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
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A family friend named Lance brought some fatherly flavour to my parents' last Christmas party

[my parents bickering like a married couple] My mom: don't get snippy! Lance: my hairdresser gets a bit snippy sometimes

Everyone else: good lord that was majestic

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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December 24 is my grandma's birthday, so we have all the family together to celebrate Christmas and her birthday at the same time.

Every year my father think's it's hilarious to say "It's amazing, you were born a day before Jesus and are still with us."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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Dad just got everyone at the family Christmas party

He's been sober for 9 years, and he's been sick lately. He was joking about the amount and frequency of Nyquil he's been taking.

Me: Gotta go to rehab for your Nyquil addiction now!

Him: Well, I gotta go to hab first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatMetalPanda
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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Dad Joke in the family Christmas gift exchange notification email

> Here is the list of who buys for whom in the gift exchange. > > The rules are: Spend $50, no gift cards. (If you think $50 is too much then make it two $25 gifts.) > > PS: If you want to spend more on me I would understand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveIsLame2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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Sitting at Christmas dinner with the family

Aunt: There's to be gale force winds tonight.

Dad: It's all those Brussel sprouts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlickBoogie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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The frequency of dad jokes has increased due to the family being around for Christmas.

My sister had a good one today at dinner.

We were all commenting about how my dad seems to be friends with a lot of plane pilots. My sister chimes in with "It's always good having friends in high places".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FerociousSalmon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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