I'm clearly winning in the family pun group text imgur.com/DQxgfoL
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnmazz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.

You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"

They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.

Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCKANNON
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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Got a year’s worth of family
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katmio1
πŸ“…︎ May 18
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My Dad told the family this one yesterday at dinner, "Do you know what the opposite of ladyfinger is? "

We all nodded out heads in No

Dad : "Mentos"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UncleDevil666
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives

I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
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What do you say to warn your family you're about to test a new dad joke on them?

Try this on for sighs.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llort_tsoper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
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My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.

I told her I’d look into it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ May 17
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It's so hard for Necromancers to raise a family these days.

Unless of course they're buried in the same cemetery.

I guess that's how they stay fit though.

All those dead lifts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ May 27
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You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.

I was out looking at beds with the family.

Wife: "I really like this bed."

Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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I just told my family a pun about bees.

It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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I was sitting at a red light with my family, when all of a sudden I said "Look, son! A super hero!"

It was the Green Arrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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As a family we couldn't decide whether to have our grandma buried or cremated ...

So we let her live.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner

Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.

Sisters kids: Who? WHO?

Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!

cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other

Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AusSpyder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
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For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes

Guess you could call it pop culture

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πŸ“…︎ May 28
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It's an Archie Bunker! I built a replica of the All in the Family house INSIDE a giant basement in the Sims 4. reddit.com/gallery/mv4w82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/K80Bot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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Regarding my family, I'm the youngest of 3.

My parents are both older.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 24
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I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family

We got joint problems

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaperRare
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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A young Indian couple was trying to have a quiet wedding, but their family refused and made them have a big wedding instead. What fruit did they serve at the event?

Cantelope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magmagan
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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Don't you dare CONSOLE my family
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nis_sama
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
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Why did Dwayne Johnson’s family get tested for covid?

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
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What do you call a Greek Christian who marries into a Jewish family?

Unorthodox

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…︎ May 18
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My three favorite things are eating my family

and not using commas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hetgr8
πŸ“…︎ May 06
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All in the family
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
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What did the Italian dad say when his family asked him what type of eel he caught on vacation.

That's a moray.

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πŸ“…︎ May 14
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I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.

We live in A flat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tombo_youtube
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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We got a new dog yesterday. He was a rescue and we're so glad to make him a part of our family. 'I think the transition is going well.'

'But your mother thinks it's been ruff.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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My family isn't really into pancakes.

We're more of a Waffle House.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaudiocomplex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
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I come from a family of magicians.

I have 2 half sisters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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Because of the covid-19 lockdowns, every morning for the past year, I announce proudly to my family that I’m going for a jog… and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...

I know where to draw the line...

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
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My family tree is so messed up.

Yesterday I looked for it again and saw four dogs using it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
At every family wedding my Aunt keeps on asking , " Are you next , are you next ? ""

So now at every family funeral I ask , " Are you next , are you next ? "

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tryhard_cadmua
πŸ“…︎ May 08
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A family is sitting at the dining room table having a nice family dinner, when suddenly...

One thing led to another, and the father and son get into a pretty heated argument.

The son stands up and storms off, headed to his room.

As he is going up the stairs, he yells down to his dad, "Jim Morrison is overrated!!!"

So, the dad screams back, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!?!?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cosmocide
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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There was once a balloon family...

Papa balloon, Muma balloon and Bubba balloon.

Bubba balloon was still sleeping with Papa and Muma balloon but he was starting to get too big.

Papa and Muma balloon got a bedroom setup for Bubba balloon so they can finally sleep alone. But every night he would come in crying to sleep with Papa and Muma balloon but they never let up.

But one night, Bubba balloon waited for the Papa and Muma balloon to be faaaast asleep. He tried to squeeze in between them but he couldn't quite fit. Very carefully, he started to let some air out of Papa balloon... It wasn't enough. Very carefully, he let some air out of Muma balloon... But it still wasn't enough. He didn't want to deflate his parents any more... So he slowly let some air out of himself. It was perfect. He snuggled in and slept soundly.

The next morning, you could imagine how disappointed Papa and Muma balloon was. Papa balloon said: We tried to help you and tried to help you grow in toy a Big Boy balloon. We are so disappointed with you.

You let ME down... You let your Muma down... But most disappointing of all... You let yourself down!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arokys81
πŸ“…︎ May 18
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This is a bit of a running joke in my family

The Flash.

I've told it a few times you see.

https://youtu.be/GSIGS-6Sfcw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Word_Dudely
πŸ“…︎ May 20
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I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money

Very Sketchy People

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omarsrstt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
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I told my family this joke about a goat

They said it was a baaaaad joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Natevaeh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
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Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.

While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.

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πŸ“…︎ May 04
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I had nothing to do so I thought of personally mixing the small leaves of a low-growing aromatic plant of the mint family.

But I knew I’d end up with too much Thyme on my hands

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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My doctor asked me if anyone suffers from mental illness in my family

I said "no we all seem to enjoy it!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luuvinit
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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I ordered won ton for my large family today.

2000 lbs of soup goes along way.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redsteelgonnawin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?

A selfie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
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My family used to own a farm with prize winning animals

The cows were udderly awesome.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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Our family's legacy

When my great granddad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my granddad, who then gave it to my dad, and one day, it will be mine.

It's our family hair loom. :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
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What do you call a family that smokes weed together?

Joint family.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
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The queen liked my girlfriend so much, she immediately made her an honorary member of the royal family...

She was really empressed!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
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My wife accused me of hating her family

I told her, "your mother-in-law is way better than mine!"

πŸ‘︎ 350
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
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