Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
That’s inflation for you!
Everyone there is saying “Pardon me” all the time now.
"Stairs don't talk!"
The difference is staggering
Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.
Edit: You folks are way too generous. Thanks a lot.
Tonight, we eat like kongs.
(He glues it)
They have OnlyFans.
That was a trip down memory lane.
Of course, houses don't jump at all
I'm convinced it's a mix up from when I moved branches.
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and... keep reading on reddit ➡
Igloos it together!!
I may be a little drunk but this is my favourite joke ever and I feel it belongs here because I’ve not seen it here yet!
Does this make it a chicken coup?
no matter what he's still arson
'Cause the corner is 90 degrees.
How low can you go?
This is due to the frog's incredibly strong hind legs, and the fact that a house can't jump.
I don’t want a lot for Christmas.
Now I'm stuck with a bunch of cross-aunts
Now I’m homeless.
It gets mugged everyday.
It was some pretty good chore-eography.
Let that sink in.
Doing the white lines
So, I've taken the hint...
I got her a magazine rack!
Apparently he was sending a bunch of Spam Mail.
I’m a Rachel Brosnafan.
And I said "not without a large mortgage"
I think I’ll call it “Mr. Holland’s Opus”
Bidet bidet bidet, that’s all folks.
Asbestos you can
Thankfully, l was able to open the door, by talking to it...
Communication is key.
A living room.
It might be farmer Geddon.
Igloos it together