How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

Ten ants.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Found this outside my apartment, must be a HALL-epeΓ±o!
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConnanMoody
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I found mushrooms growing from the bathroom ceiling in my NYC apartment (typical) and called my dad to see what I should do about it.

He immediately said, β€œWell, I wouldn’t eat them.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banananabby
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
My roommate tried to keep two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 941
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
The police found a dead alpaca in its apartment.

They ruled it llamacide!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
I moved a giant mushroom into my apartment

My room mate said: β€œIt takes up to much-room!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggs_in_a_sausage
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
When my uncle died, he left me an apartment building he owned, but I was really nervous about taking it.

I got a complex.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason_Boyd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
I recently misplaced some of my game pieces for Yahtzee, and honestly it’s been hell, so I decided to make some posters to put up around the apartment complex:

Pair of dice, LOST.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/okaypuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they're not tenants

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine only rents his apartments out to nuns.

Guess you could say he has a Sister complex...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
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A Nigerian man was found dead last night and authorities found $ 50 000 000 in his apartment...

...apparently he had been trying to give it away for almost 20 years, but nobody would return his emails.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tgglas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
I had a hard time figuring out how to turn on the lights in my new apartment.

Then it clicked.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kawaii_PotatoUwU
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone in my apartment building rearranged all the buttons on the elevator.

That was wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Nine ants were kicked out of the apartment complex

Because they were not tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 233
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
After a lengthy search, I finally found an apartment in my price range where I can have my corgi and my pitbull.

Thank god theres still a-corgi-bull housing out there

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How many ants does it take to fill an entire apartment?

Tenants

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edotri
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I was moving and had no room in my apartment for my organ so i gave it to my neighbors...

Does this make me an organ donor?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.

I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KasenPringle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of person has an apartment complex full of dogs?

A dyslexic narcissist

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I were looking at a new apartment today. It seemed nice, but I was disappointed by the lack of furniture in the dining room. "What do you think?" She asked.

I replied, "Notable."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said she found a nice apartment for us, but there was no place to sit down and eat.

"Notable" I said.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/no_aglets
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
After the earthquake, what did the gangster say when the apartment complex fell on him?

Get off me homes!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nmoore2211
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to write a joke about people who live in the apartment upstairs.

But that’s another story.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My roommate Esther and I wanted to get a new rug for our apartment, but we didn't have a tape measure. So we had to use Esther's height to guess the approximate dimensions we wanted. We bought a rug one Esther wide by two Esthers long. You could say we...
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/modestmolerat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a friend who had a difficult problem with the apartment area that he lived in

He had a complex complex complex

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uconnrob
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I installed a sky light in my apartment.

The people upstairs were not happy at all.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My GF leaves me notes around the apartment...

Today I found this one.

Edit: Wow, thanks for the positive responses. Here are some more notes from her. Thank you reddit, for making my girlfriend famous for a day, she quite enjoyed your comments after a hard day's work :)

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SLOBaron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Was checking out the apartment of a fungi, he lived on the second spore, i asked him how it was an he replied "great but theres not mush room"
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/opinion_overflow
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an apartment building where only Mexican men live?

A seΓ±or living facility.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
There are too many mosquitoes in our apartment, so I called the cops.

They said they are sending a swat team.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œHey, did you just move to the 7th floor apartment from your 6th floor one?”

β€œYes, but that’s another story.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I installed a skylight in my apartment....

The people who live above me are FURIOUS!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DumDumDUMMMMMMM
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How many insects do you need to rent out an apartment?

Ten-Ants

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScotchRichie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend Izzy wanted to furnish her new apartment, so I took her to furniture store owned by 3 carpenters, all named Paul.

Two of them were still apprentices and learning the trade, but the third was a master at the craft and was also my friend. They were currently busy in the workshop working on a set of great wooden letters which spelled "BEAST". "Is your friend Paul the one working on the misshapen B?" Izzy asked. "Nope, that's not him.", I replied. "So is it the one working on the crooked E?"she responded. "Most certainly not!" I answered. I finally saw him and exclaimed, "On ST is the best Paul, Izzy!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
If you see a chick changing out the locks or cleaning out the pool at an apartment complex, NEVER give her a joint.

Nobody like high maintenance women.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nate4761
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are they called apartments....?

When they are all joined together ?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My apartment complex issues frog-shaped parking stickers to its residents

Because all others will be toad

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
The janitor in my apartment building asked whether I would hang out with her and smoke pot. I said no.

I can’t deal with a high maintenance woman.

πŸ‘︎ 167
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
A slumlord prohibits his tenants from painting the doors of their apartments any color other than slate.

He believes there’s nothing like the greyed-out doors.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My landlord keeps yelling at me for not turning down the music in my apartment

I guess he’s got a sound argument.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My GF was trying to get rid of a stink bug in her apartment and said β€œbut what if I accidentally squish it while trying to get rid of it?”

I replied, β€œWell that would stink.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/biomedatheist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I was awakened last night by the bulimic lady in the apartment next door.

I knocked on her door and said, "Please keep it down!"

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
She criticized my apartment...

... so I knocked her flat.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A cartoonist was found dead in the apartment...

The details are sketchy.

Courtsey - Plague Inc.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timetokill87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...

But I cooked it in a minute flat.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I was just looking at a new apartment but it didn't have any mirrors in it...

I don't think I can see myself there.

πŸ‘︎ 944
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyl93
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Moving from a 3rd floor apartment to a 1 story house.

You could say it’s a step down.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CasaDeHouse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I live in an apartment where the floor above mine is occupied by Dwayne Johnson

I've been living under a rock

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andoopam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I wanted a job I could do while stoned, so I got one as a handyman at an apartment complex.

Now I'm high maintenance.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend always prefers renting out his apartment to Chinese chefs.

They are usually lo mein tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
The maintenance staff at my apartment complex left me popcorn to say that they completed my service request while I was out. imgur.com/GAiToyX
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piccit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
There are these apartments in the country club full of mischievous children...

It was called The Rascal Flatts.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smokey750
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do they call them apartments

If they're so close together?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VinnyV26
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
🚨︎ report
How does a fetus heat his apartment?

Around womb temperature

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What does a musician looking for a new apartment do when he finds a good listing?

See flat.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TakaComics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend with this over the weekend....As a car with giant subwoofers drove by blaring music and shaking the apartment building, I asked "you know how you buy one of those cars at the dealership?"

You just ask for the bass-line model.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrumpetJedi
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the fungi say about his New York apartment?

There isn't mush-room

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpartaFC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
🚨︎ report
There's an apartment building in my neighborhood that is filled with guys who think they're Jesus.

It's a messiah complex.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elvisnake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
🚨︎ report
We have a big problem in our apartment

My girlfriend found 6 flies in our bathroom the other day and wanted me to go kill them. When i finished I said "I've killed so many of these things I'm probably on the F.B.Fly's Most Wanted list." Barely even a chuckle, she just shook her head at me.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/layup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was looking at apartments on her phone...

she finds one that she likes and says "look this one comes with a free gym" to which I respond "Do you have to provide him with a bed and food?" Silence. Glares and silence.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j21martin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2016
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if I could have a roll of toilet paper for my apartment.

He said, "[Son]... You need to get your shit together."

He gave me the roll.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Just moved out and was buying things for the apartment...

and got a text from my dad:

Dad: "Do you guys need a cheese grater?"

Me: "No. We already have one."

Dad: "Grate!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thekraken47
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
🚨︎ report
My friends apartment caught fire because someone elses ded too. Later, he got married. At the wedding he said they'd need to have me over once he got his new apartment ready for a housewarming party.

I said, to him and his new wife, "But I thought you already had a housewarming. His wife almost snotted herself over it. We're good friends to this day.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Super_Dork_42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
🚨︎ report
It's not just obvious that fruit have apartments instead of houses

It's a pear rent.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2016
🚨︎ report
If law enforcement officers were called to the apartment of a female bassist in response to a noise complaint, there would be sheriffs because she riffs.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManLeader
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Apartment complex was filling up the pool.

Me, "how much water are they gonna put in there!? You can't even read the footage!"

Friend's sister, "you don't read footage, you watch it."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZehFritoBandito
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
🚨︎ report
GF moved into a new apartment.

Turns out that there's trains that are pretty prominent at night. Was sitting at work when I get the text informing me:

Her: "So, turns out that there's trains at night around here.."

Me: "Well, guess you'll just have to try sleeping, you got work in the morning."

10 min later

Her: "Another one.. Wooo!"

Me: "Choo* trains go choo."

Her: "... I'm going to bed."

I thought it was clever.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
🚨︎ report
I usually text my girlfriend when I'm walking up the stairs to her apartment, and today I sent her this. I then realized the path I'm taking leads me to here.
πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chase0602
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
🚨︎ report
"Does your new apartment have AC?"

Me - "Yes"

Dad - "That's chill..."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeithSkud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my girlfriend. I know we're looking for an apartment together, but this is too soon...

Her: Babe, I'm starving, I haven't even ate yet.

Me: Well, maybe you should have an odd seven first.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lifeleecher
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2015
🚨︎ report
A: "Thanks for renting me this apartment!"

B: "It was the lease I could do."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
🚨︎ report
He dragged me out of the apartment for that pun.

Not a dad, but this is in line with it all.
It was a party around Halloween-time, but not specifically a Halloween party. Things were wrapping up, people were heading out and my roommates were saying goodbye.

They were doing some goofy ass handshake, bumping fists, slapping, all that dumb shit.

While they're wasting time, I look on the table and see various Halloween decorations, including body parts made out of Jell-O. They're slightly jiggling, as all Jell-O molds seem to do.

I quietly mumble "Hehe... handshake."

The host of the party looks at me and says "Are you making fun of our hand shake?"

Without saying anything else, I reach over to the table, pick up the plate the Jell-O zombie hand is on, hold it close to his face, wiggle it back and forth and repeat "Hand shake".

He grabs me by the back of my shirt and drags me out of the apartment. I thought it was funny.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M3wThr33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Wife just had just got back into our apartment, when she when she asked me this.

Her: So ants are supposed to be really strong right?

Me: Yeah, like 50 times their weight.

Her: And when they are carrying stuff, they can just walk up walls right?

Me: I suppose.

Her: Why is it then when 10 ants move in they have to tie up an entire elevator?

Me: <groan>

She was very proud of herself.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
🚨︎ report
A dozen ants decide to share an apartment and two move out.

It's ok the rest are still tenants

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robbosham
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife is working hard at painting an apartment...

...and here I am cracking dadjokes at her. http://imgur.com/x7ZiF6G

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotActuallyMyName
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Some lights in our apartment weren't working.

Me: The hall light isn't working but the outlet seems to be fine

Roommate: Check the box and reset it

Me: I would, but I'm afraid I'll break it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turdioustasks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2014
🚨︎ report
While my dad was helping me move into my new apartment...

My dad and I were saying our goodbyes looking into the bed of my pickup. I parked under some nut tree so there was some in the bed.

There was an awkward silence and then my dad goes "Wow, this truck is nuts..."

Classic...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/papa__burgundy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
🚨︎ report
She criticized my apartment

...so I knocked her flat.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

Tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wilgrove
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
🚨︎ report
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

tenants

πŸ‘︎ 214
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yungsad
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2016
🚨︎ report
How many ants fill an apartment?

Tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rowing_owen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
🚨︎ report

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