I'm not supposed to eat anything too suite.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
What would you do if your bathroom suite turned up at the front door?
π︎ 4
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︎ May 20 2020
Went to the eye doctor for a checkup. This is his suite number.
π︎ 66
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︎ Jul 13 2019
Our company VP just hit the executive suite with this one...
You know how you can tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? ...One will see you later, the other will see you in a while.
Me being the only other dad in the room silently chuckled while the other 3 non-dad executives let out an audible groan.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 22 2019
It'd be suite to call your kids "Word" and "Excel".
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 26 2018
If Guns Nβ Roses ever open a hotel, I hope they have a Suite Child Oβ Mine
π︎ 17
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︎ May 25 2018
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.
The mortician asked the deceasedβs wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit heβs already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says βI donβt care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.β The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, βwhatever this costs Iβm very satisfied, you did an excellent job and Iβm incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?β To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says βthereβs no charge.β Shocked she replies βno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.β βHonestly maβamβ, the mortician says, βit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.β
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
The composer whom best suits this pandemic is...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
Did you see the latest fashion trend is adhesive based dresses and suits?
From what I heard theyβre a bit tacky.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
What does a suit like to have for lunch?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
Honey where's my super suit
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
How did Santa's reindeer look when they got 3 piece tailored suits?
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
Why did Magneto stop wearing his purple suit?
Because the days of fuchsia past
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
I personally think that beekeeper suits are ugly as hell, but hey...
Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
π︎ 393
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.
Itβs called Tailor Swift.
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 28 2020
I imagine when Microsoft's co-founder Mr.Gates gets a suit tailored, they must fit him perfectly.
They have to fit the Bill.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
Darth Vader's suit seems pretty expensive
Must have cost him an arm and a leg
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
Why did J. S. Bach always wear really skimpy bathing suits?
He loved to feel the air on the G string.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
To which season is bowtie pasta best suited?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 20 2020
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.
π︎ 32
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Boy. I bet Anakin Skywalker must have paid a lot of money for his suit.
I think It may have cost him a couple arms and a couple legs.
π︎ 21
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︎ Aug 02 2020
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
I said to my wife βI hate to tell you this babe, but your bathing suit is too revealing and tightβ
She said βthen wear your own one thenβ
π︎ 99
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
What do you call a wolf that models suits?
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
What do you call a car being driven by a sheep wearing a swim-suit?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
A joke about a suit that doesnβt fit?
Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as Iβve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I donβt remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didnβt fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but heβd always make this really theatrical voice and yell βhey! what did you do to my new suit?!β
If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop coughing when he went to try his new suit?
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 26 2020
Who gets jazzed up to dry off people in suits of armor after dark?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 25 2020
Took an airline company to court today after my luggage went missing
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
Whatβs the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
I don't think I'm well-suited for this job as a newspaper editor.
Even my blood is a Type O!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
What do you call a potato in a hotel room?
π︎ 42
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
I threw a ball for my dog yesterday.
Well, it was his birthday and he looks good in a dinner suit.
π︎ 77
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
What do lawyers wear to work?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
Whatβs Ironman without his suit?
π︎ 37
π
︎ Jan 30 2020
Whatβs the difference between a well dressed man and a tired out dog?
One wears a suit and the other just pants.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
What do you call a paralyzed zoo keeper's bathing suit?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 20 2020
Did you know SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus? Did you know βtubaβ is also an acronym?
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Edit: good lord, I didnβt know someone else posted this previously. I thought it was funny as heck and my kids rolled their eyes when I told it SO THERE.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
Grammar has never been my strong suit
π︎ 41
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︎ Oct 28 2019
I tried to be a tailor...
but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
Which type of weather is best suited to a pandemic?
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 19 2020
My brother always has hard candy inside a pocket of his 3-piece suit
He calls them βin vest mintsβ.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 11 2020
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says βBut I had a 3-piece suit.β
Tailor says βThe vest is yet to come.β
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 09 2019
Did you know Darth Vader had to pay for his suit?
It cost him an arm and a leg.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jan 21 2020
I'm annoyed because I had to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armour.
π︎ 103
π
︎ Oct 25 2019
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