After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.

But she still won't admit she framed me.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."

"I'm over here dad." He replied.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
I bought my friend an Elephant for her room...

She said "thanks". I said "don't mention it"

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/studentadvisor101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
Everyone at my therapist’s office hates it when I stand on one corner of the room and blow air at people.

But I’m a big fan.

πŸ‘︎ 285
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dasbett311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
I have an irrational fear of being in a small room, packed with Germans.

I told my doctor and he said I have Klaustrophobia.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
What’s a ghost’s least favourite room in the house?

The living room!

My 9-yr old son just told me this out of nowhere whilst I was cooking, and I couldn’t be more proud of him!

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gallifreyfalls55
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
When you buy a bigger bed, you have more bed room but less bedroom

That's a very important fact I just read and wanted to share with you guys. Buying beds is a serious topic.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FattySuperCute
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
Trying not to mention the favourite part of my living room here

I think I've done well sofa

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sunsetskies_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
My dad just came into my room and said:

"We're lucky it didn't snow." "Why?" I asked "Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!"

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackSW90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
So I went to my room and saw 10 ants scrambling around, I felt bad so I decided to build them a home.

Now they are my tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/larrythetarry
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
🚨︎ report
Son: Daddy there’s a spider in my room. Dad: he’s fine, he’s just minding his own business. Son: what business does a spider have?

Dad: web design.

πŸ‘︎ 260
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bringojackprot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
What did lady Macbeth say when she kicked her misbehaving dog out of her room?

Out, damn Spot. Out!

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FiveFingeredKing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
By slinging gobs of congealed dairy fat across the room I discovered

butter flies!!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
When I bought my friend an elephant for their room, they said thank you. I answered...

β€œDon’t mention it.”

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
My son tried to convince me that Jim Morrison was just an overrated drunk, so I angrily sent him to his room...

Nobody slams the Doors in my house!!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
How much room do fungi need to grow

As mushroom as possible

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
A man sitting in an interrogation room says β€œI’m not saying anything without my lawyer present!”

The policeman says β€œYou are the lawyer!”

β€œExactly, so where’s my present?” Replies the lawyer.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stvbckwth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
What's the room that nobody can enter?

A mushroom

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.

He said no, this is light.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tonheatz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
Why was the plane sent back to his room?

Bad altitude

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
As a doctor, whenever I hear someone crying from the waiting room that they want to get a lollipop and go home, I think to myself

They must be a little patient.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call the situation when you're trapped in a room full of friendly dogs?

Lickdown

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Four men are sitting in a hospital waiting room because their wives are all giving birth,

A nurse comes up to the first man and says, β€œCongratulations! You are the proud father of a pair of twins!”

β€œThat’s funny...” the man said, β€œI work for Twin Peaks!”

Another nurse comes into the room and goes to the second man and says, β€œCongratulations! Your wife has just given birth to triplets!”

β€œThat’s funny...” the second man said, β€œ I work for the 3M company!”

Yet another nurse comes into the room and says to the third man, β€œCongratulations! Your wife has just given birth to quadruplets!”

β€œThat’s so funny...” said the third man, β€œI work at the Four Seasons Hotel!”

The last man is groaning and whining in obvious agony, β€œWhat’s wrong?” the other men ask.

β€œI work at Seven Eleven.” He replied.

Happy Fathers Day!

πŸ‘︎ 135
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NighTraiN7804
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
My son walked into the living room only to find me looking around all misty eyed. Reluctantly, he asked, "What's up pop?" I blubbered, "My boy, I really love our furniture..."

"Me and my recliner go way back."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
I thought I won an argument with my wife on how to arrange the dining room furniture

But when I got home the tables were turned.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubadishnard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.

The doctor said: β€œI can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_bulbnz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
My son came up to me and said that a bug was flying around his room, my wife said that he just imagined it.

I said that is justaflyable.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexNoru
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.

The doctor says: β€œI can tell right away that you’re not eating right”

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_bulbnz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
My son sees me rushing to pick up my ringing mobile in another room.

Son: "Mom, Dad's russian!!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mdchris19
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"

She said "I'm having a light snack."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lil-Sleepy-A1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
How do you get to the weight room in Hogwarts?

Through the Dumbbell-Door

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DevilRyder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
Living room
πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/psychefreak22
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Why did the pony get sent to his room?

He would not stop horsing around!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dane-Direct
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
My Dad comes into my room looking really worried, I ask him what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help, He responds by saying "I lost the book which had all the photos and message from my friends"

Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.

Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"

And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ancil5199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
I made a small house with a cardboard box for the group of 10 ants running around in my room. Technically, I am now their landlord and they are my...

Tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sadchowmrade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
i don't have a fan in my room, if i told you i did have a fan in my room...

it'd be. fan-fiction

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlussoDiNoodle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
If the room smells bad, light a candle.

It just makes scents.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthLlamaX
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
How do you feel about the movie, "The Room?"

I give it hi(gh) Marks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
Dad said to me "Do you ever go into a room and forget what you went in there for?"

Great dad, undistinguished fireman.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
Saints Locke room

I walk into the saints locker room with a canister They ask β€œwhat is it” I say β€œFor Brees” (Awful I know)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sendmetitpics69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
Every night I put my cellphone in charging and I wake up finding it in another room.

Probably it's mobile.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geeky_or_nerdy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
When my wife complained I was taking too long to paint the living room I told her she was worse than the warden in Shawshank.

She said β€œwell just paint it, Red”.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
What room is John Cena scared of?

The ICU room

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/panaskaew
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
My roomate and i did this game where we cleaned up another ones room everyday.

We were maid for each other.

πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MladjaLlama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
Dad walks into the dinning room where his wife and two children are eating. He is holding a full lint catcher from the dryer when he says to them:

Hey guys, it’s lint fam.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mugumbo1531
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
Every time I visit my Dad in St. Louis, he walks into the room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong...

His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
My son is almost 3, and frantically calls me into his room when he should be sleeping. Dad! Dad! Put your finger in my ear... so I do...

"Get outta h-ear!", he says to me.

Made me so proud. Unprompted dad jokes from our little apprentices are just so great.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yyz-ac
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
My wife told me we didn’t need the surround system for our living room I bought...

I told her it was a Sound Investment.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrivateRyGy
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?

Through the Dumbell door

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
There’s enough room to go around.
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/learjet2014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
[from my 4yo boy] How do you keep warm in a cold room?

Go to the corner there always around 90Β°

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/123sam321
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are sitting in a room...

...a man enters and asks them "Can you see me?" and they respond; "Yes." "Oui." "SΓ­." "Ja."

πŸ‘︎ 331
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonmokoko
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a room full of ravens?

Crowded

πŸ‘︎ 271
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1aim1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I was trying to ask my friend when her birthday was and she kept forcing me to walk around the room

Every time I ask, she tells me to march first.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/metroracerUK
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
Every time I enter a room, I write down my name on a piece of paper and stick it behind some furniture.

That’s my signature move.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.

I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/U4gotmycheese
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.

After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.

The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.

The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
My dad was doing a crossword the other day, he shouted across the room, 'Help me with 11 down the clue is: Over worked Postman'. 'How may letters?' I asked.

'Too Many'

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tommadds
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I was awed first time I saw the room full of computers and servers...

It was such a pristine LANscape.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
There's a spider in my room.

I've named him Cotton Eye Joe.

I now need to know:

Where did he come from?

And where did he go?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DotNotice
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
I bought my friend a brand new elephant for his room.

He said β€œThanks”

I said β€œDon’t mention it”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
What room of the house are ghosts banned from?

The living room.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/criswhitmore
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner of a room.

They're normally around 90 degrees.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RespectTheFancy
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
I checked into a motel and the clerk told me I had the second room on the second floor. He picked up the key to hand to me, but hesitated and took it back.

I said, β€œWell? 2B or not 2B?”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
I’ve been donating a lot of dining room sets to people in need lately.

I guess I’m just feeling very chairtable.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
A man in an interrogation room says, β€œI’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"

The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I didn't think my son was stealing from his geometry teacher until I saw his room...

All the sines were there.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
I bought my friends an elephant for their room. They said β€œThank you.”

I said: β€œPlease don’t mention it.”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.

You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cozykinkajou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
So I walked into my daughter's room with a tape measure the other day, and she was lying on her bed reading a book. I stood in the doorway and started slowly extending the tape measure, all the way across the room, until it touched her cheek. "What??" she asked me. My response...

"I'm measuring your patience!"

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Piccolo_Bass
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A realtor showing a house to a couple says: β€œThis is the sun room.”

The man goes, β€œOk great, now where do I put my daughters?”

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason_Boyd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What should you do right after you have sex in a large formal dining room?

Tablespoon

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
The honorable baker walked into a room full of rolls

"All rise."

The baker said humbly, "you don't need to do that." The rolls responded:

"It's the yeast we can do."

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fingerpants
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
Napoleon was visiting a friend at his new estate. The friends great pride was his lavatory which was a big room with pottet plants, beautiful tapestries and carpets. When Napoleon saw this he was gobsmacked and exclaimed "What a loo!"
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/operasmurf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
So at 2:01PM, my dad walked into my room and said "It's two o'clock! Do you know what that means?"

I replied "No, What does it mean?"

He said..

"It means it's two o'clock!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Green_Leader_Edd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
My father came into my room asking if I wanted a personwich.

When I asked what it was, he said that it was a manwich but he was trying to not be sexist.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firehornet117
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
My wife just complained I wasn’t listening and walked out of the room

Weird way to start a conversation.

πŸ‘︎ 211
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
Why did the submarine captain keep a barrel of potatoes in his room?

There was nothing in the world he loved more than eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
Burn the living room.
πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sushal_Stha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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A half man - half horse walks into the room

He was the Centaur of attention :)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADFormer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
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When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.

We were maid for each other.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Motel guests in room Q say they used to see him cheating on his wife...

room R has it

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
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The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.

I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danno49
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
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It in the CORNer of the room
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kjkfloor17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...

"I'm on antidepressants."

He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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I used to have a room mate. I would clean his room and he would clean mine

We were maid for eachother

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x_Parzival_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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Awhile ago my roomate moved out, i was cleaning his old room when I stumbled upon a fake mustache in a box under his bed, when i asked him about it he replied:

β€œYou finally found it, my secret stache”

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacaboi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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How much room do fungi need to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raptor_Girl_1259
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture...

But when I got home, the tables were turned...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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A man in an interrogation room says, β€œI’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"

The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said β€œthanks”.

I said β€œdon’t mention it”.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merulius
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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