I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me...

She said β€œwhat are you doing? What is that noise?” I said β€œI’ve been screwing around behind your back.” She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover.

I found it way more entertaining then she did.

πŸ‘︎ 255
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arthritictongue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Most people know that after swimming into a wall the fish said "Dam!" But what did the dam say?

Dumb bass

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
I have an Irish friend with a great personality that always bounces off the walls.

His name is Rick O’Shea.

πŸ‘︎ 338
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the-polymath
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
A Brit, a Laotian, a Colombian, an American, an Indian, and a Egyptian wall into a fancy restaurant...

The doorman turns them back, saying β€œI’m sorry. We can’t let you in without a Thai.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
What is it called when a fish runs into a wall?

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/probaseball512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
When I was renovating my house, I found a secret stash hidden in the walls.

Someone drew a mustache on the wall behind the wall paper.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
Why do cemeteries have walls and fences around them?

Because people are dying to get in!

(My dad told me this one when we drove past a cemetery one day lol)

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EverReverie
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
When you roll in from a night out but you're tyred so you just sit down in the garden slumped against the wall
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustardbyname
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FighterPigeon
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
What did a fish say when it hit a wall?

dam

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lil-subedi
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when it hit its head on the concrete wall?

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicosalvador
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
What did one wall say to the other wall?

Meet you at the corner

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harvickfan4Life
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
My New Year's resolution is to save enough money to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Why is it wrong to punch the wall when you’re frustrated?

The wall has never been anything but supportive.

πŸ‘︎ 604
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harrison-harrison
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
Crashed my bike into a wall today...

That’s wheelie unfortunate.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MK1A4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Why did they build a wall around the cemetery?

Because people were dying to get in!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alan_M_C
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Two people descended down a wall of a canyon.

It was anticlimactic.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
now i understand why i hate The Wolf of Wall Street movie

they don’t make cents

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nxxwan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?

DAM!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superguy-222
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
just a nether brick in the wall
πŸ‘︎ 180
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkblade_e
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when he bumped into a brick wall?

Dam

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What did the poster say to the wall?

We're under a tack!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cowlhead
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the Pillsbury Dough Boy fell off the wall with Humpty?

He says he's good dough.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nvflip
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
What does a fish say when it swims into a wall?

dam

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyHairs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
What did the bird say when it found a brand new brick wall?

"Simply impeccable."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sup-mr-stark
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
What do you call the wall between Mexico and the USA?

The language barrier.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Julipidgeon13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Honnold sends the Dawn Wall...
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7sterling
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
My dad told me this one the other day.. "What did the fish say when he bumped into a wall?"

"Dam!"

I told him it was a dumb joke πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AstleyAstroplane
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a wall and went into a coma

The family, decided to sue a side.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hunterconnor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
Crashed my bike into a wall

It’s wheelie unfortunate that it’s broken.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MK1A4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Irishman who bounces off walls?

His name is Rick o'shay

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toolaroola12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
A fish ran into a wall and said

β€œDAM”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I-of-the-tiger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
Tonight is a sad night... our robotic vacuum cleaner, Wall-E, killed our bathroom spider, Al Gore.

Why was our bathroom spider named Al Gore? Simple. He created the web.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DamnRedhead
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
I have bunch of stuffed yellow cabs on my walls

I’m a taxidermist

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MartinBirk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
An Alternative To Trump's Wall
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/douglasses2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
What did the cat say when it ran into the wall?

Meouwch.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DubiousOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
Why do my university lecture theatres have all this blank artwork on the walls?

Link.

It's baffling.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ktisis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator that works on Wall Street?

An Investigator.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IQSucks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when i t swam into a wall ?

Damn !

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall...

...I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad:”back when I had to do wall-sits in school..”

β€œI had enough and told my gym teacher I couldn’t stand doing them

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
My son joe asked why I was throwing doritos at a wall instead of using a sledgehammer.

I said, I don’t need that, I’m CHIPPING away at it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jo-father
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Wall sculpture
πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alleycatau
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What are the walls on a house of cards made of?

Cardboard.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DumelDuma
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I was cruising one day and saw a midget scaling down the wall of a prison

I thought "That's a lil condescending"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatwondude83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
The election is happening in November and Trump will be bragging about the 30 foot wall he built on the Mexican border.

But he probably should have made it much longer than that.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/intrepid604
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?

Yes, it’s parkour the force.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this.

The reason is a coo sticks.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarlosMingos22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
Why did the wind take down a part of trump’s Wall?

Because it was the only thing with Trump’s name on it that couldn’t dodge a draft

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/o_Oz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.

It’s created a real division in our home.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Build that wall
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tmac2096
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My Favorite Wall

Person 1: "Would you prefer to sleep? Don't make yourself miserable on my account; I can always talk to my favorite wall (the one across from my bed)."

Person 2: "5-10 more minutes and I'll probably leave you, Im sure your wall would like some quality time with you too"

Person 1: "Yeah, he's been a bit neglected recently. I should maintain our relationship so he doesn't leave; I'd be crushed if he did."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OfTheWhat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Went to my date’s house after dinner last night and saw she had a Soviet flag covering the entire wall

I knew that was a big red flag

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Smoothmcdoodles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Bawls to the wall
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A fish was swimming 'til when he saw a stone wall.

he then said, ''dam''

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cardboard_pencil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
My friends got together to play electric guitar, but the distance from the wall to their axes was too great...

Luckily, they had a power chord.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
So, I was on the train the other day, and you know how it takes a while to get to the city, well my phone battery was flat and I didn't have a book, so I was a bit bored, but then I realised that there is all this cool graffiti on the tunnel walls... and um... so my phone was dead... and.. the city?

Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
The Mexicans are upset about Trump’s wall.

But they’ll get over it

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warmLuke0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why weren't Mexicans too concerned about Trump's border wall?

They knew that they would eventually get over it.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weaponG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My New year's resolution is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I'm planning on sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegasketmaker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaraudingAvenger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Breaking the fourth wall.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SimpleSavio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wall of music?

A Baroqucade

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xpyto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the man say to his wall?

One more crack like that, and I'll plaster you!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blazinfastjohny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was walking by some folks, that didn't seem to get how lopsided the brick wall they were making was...

So I leveled with them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
My New Years resolution this year is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I’m planning on sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I just fixed the cracks in the wall...

...it looks spack-tacular.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Eventually, we’re all doomed to end up in super modern offices where the walls are whiteboards

The writing is on the wall

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GabeRothel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall...

Art.

Two guys with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall? Curt n Rod.

No arms and no legs in a bathtub? Dwayne.

No arms and no legs at your front door? Mat

No arms and no legs and playing in the leaves? Russell

At the city dump? Phil

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My son got into his mom's supply of pads and stuck them to the wall.

I called it a period piece.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I actually saw a dwarf prisoner climbing down a wall

I thought to myself, β€œnow that’s a little condescending”

πŸ‘︎ 367
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/camilodmoreno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What is WALL-E's favorite anime?

https://preview.redd.it/7orvjx5mahn31.png?width=256&format=png&auto=webp&s=80eec2e08213ff2b818dd84f6b9b11e6dfd59016

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/technicalviking
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A Border wall
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Poop on the walls? POOcasso
πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wavynibba
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one wall say to the other wall?

I'll meet you at the corner!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging on your wall?

Art.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryjam5151
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

To prove that he was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A terrible limboist walls into a bar
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMisterMan69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why the did hammer hit the nail through the wall.

To drive the point across.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My son just caught his first fish and sat on the wall all day admiring it!

It was a perch.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Dam

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awburrou
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Why are there walls around a cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warmrhunder51
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when it hit a wall?

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parhy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
What does a fish say when it swims into a wall?

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when he hit a wall?

Dam!

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Foammunition
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

Dam!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awburrou
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
What does the fish say when he swims against a wall?

dam

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tvdb2003
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
A fish swims into a wall...

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mayrunal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Dam

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/killsforsporks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one wall say to the other wall?

I'll meet you at the corner!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

To prove that he was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one wall say to the other wall?

I'll meet you at the corner!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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