Trippy Hallway
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Game-Not-Over
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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Don’t get mad at the hallway light switch that keeps shocking you

It’s just reminding you of your potential.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kpidhayny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
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My neighbors couch has been in the hallway for 5 days. I want to attach jokes to the couch but I'm having trouble.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squagoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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Two hats are hanging on a rack in the hallway,

One hat says to the other, "you wait here, I'll go on a head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ambidextrousone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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When you see your crush in the hallway
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aTroubledGuy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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We just got brand new hardwood floors and my wife wanted to slide down the hallway in her socks (true story).

Wife: I'm gonna do a Jerry McGuire down the hallway!

Me: That's "Risky Business" honey

Wife: Don't worry I'll be careful!

Me: ....ok dear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thetewj
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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What the crap is going on in my hallway?!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imcyberpunk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
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What kind of learning institute is in a hallway?

A foyer college.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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My Dad: If you're French when you're outside and Dutch in the hallway, what are you when you're in the bathroom?

European.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeafEnt
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2016
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My friend and I saw a trail of ice in the hallway

At the end of it, I said "The trail's run cold."

I got punched for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsaucefish
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2015
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Wedding Jokes Needed

I’m officiating a wedding Saturday and want to weave in some of your finest. Please share some of your best to help me deliver some laughs!

Edit: ... help me deliver some eye rolls and long nasal exhalations.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/engi-nerd_5085
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
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Funny aviation puns anyone?

I work at the FAA and saw this in the hallway. I thought, what other funny aviation puns could I come up with. "Never chase a tail unless it has a rudder", yeah I know that one was bad, but thats kinda the point. ha.

Can you think of any?

https://preview.redd.it/zlo54gedpyr31.jpg?width=617&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7e64460aa20806921c6aaa0ed5c3d3fd68fa5d8

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fremontAve
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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A family gathers around their father who is very old and sick...

Daughter, are you here? Son? Where is my brother? Is everyone here in this room with me now?

Yes Dad we're all here! Your entire family is here in this room!

Then why is the hallway light on?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisrus65
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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I owe my mom a much better mother's day gift for this one

So I hear my niece running around in our house and also a dog running around with her and was immediately confused wondering why she and a dog were just running up and down the hallway. Then I went to see what was happening and she was playing fetch with the dog. So I asked my mom, "then why was she running? Is she simply so stupid that she throws a thing and tries to fetch it herself because for a second there she forgot whether she was the dog or the person?" To which my mom replied, "it wouldn't be farfetched. ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°) " ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/niji-ouji
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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The little blue man

A little blue man finds a little yellow string and doesnt know what it's for so he goes into his little blue bedroom and asks his little blue wife what it's for. She says she doesnt know and that he should ask the little red man.

So he goes out his little blue bedroom down his little blue stairs, down the little blue hallway, out the little blue door, down the little blue path, out the little blue gate down the little blue path and out the little blue village. Into the little red village, up the little red road, though the little red gate, up the little red path, though the little red door up the little red hallway and into the little red living room and asked the little red man "do you know what this little yellow string is for" and he replied "no clue go ask the little green man"

So he goes out the little red living room, down the little red hallway, out the little red door, down the little red path, out the little red gate down the little red path and out the little red village.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nagyourtoe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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So this is a pretty long joke...

So there were these two high schoolers, both madly in love. they were like the most well known couple around the school. so a couple months go by after they've began dating and they both see a flier in the hallway. it talks about the up coming school dance which is taking place next week. so naturally, the guy asks the girl to come with him. she says yes and the planing begins. he gets home that night and surfs the entire web for a relatively cheap limo company with still have decent amenities. after ordering that, he heads off to the local tailor and gets a suit made for in his girlfriends favourite colour, blue. then the week passes and he preparing to go and pick her up, so he picks up the flowers he bought her earlier that day and heads out to the now parked limo. he gets in and orders the driver to her house. he gets there and gives her the flowers. they go out for dinner at a very fancy place, him paying for everything. they both finally get to the school hall and head in to see

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyTyrant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Bathroom dad joked my eight year old

My three year old daughter needs help wiping her backside after using the bathroom (#2) sometimes. It's that or she might get a rash... oh, the joys of parenting. My eight year old son was in the hallway.

Son: Dad, why do you need to help [daughter] wipe her butt?

Me: Because she does a shitty job.

(Yes, in the interest of the dad joke, I did say shit to my eight year old. He's heard it before.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtsjr
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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The best joke since sliced bread

So was heading out of my room to the hallway and right when I opened the door, I ran into my roommate eating a plain slice of bread. We both surprised each other, so we just froze for a second. I don't even know how it happened, but the words instinctively came out of my mouth as if I was born to say them.

"Looks like I caught you...bread-handed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guess_my_password
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
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My dad, Paul, was interviewed for the union magazine where he works. I feel sorry for the guy who interviewed him.

Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.

Transcript (Important part in boldface):

Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"

I wait.

"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.

EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
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This is my dad’s favorite joke, and it’s completely awful

Three college students (Jim, Tom, and Steve) decided to stay overnight in an abandoned house that was supposedly haunted, all to prove that there was nothing supernatural there. They decided to sleep in separate rooms to increase chances of scary things happening. Each room was connected to one long hallway which lead to some stairs. After a while, the three called it a night and went to their separate rooms.

At midnight, Jim woke up to the sound of a scream coming from one of the rooms. He ran out into the hall where he met Steve, who also had just woken up. They walked into Tom’s room, and he was nowhere to be found. β€œSurely this must be a prank” thought Jim, and he and Steve decided to go back to bed. He slept for almost an hour when Jim woke up to another scream coming from a different room. He ran into the hall, and this time Steve did not join him. He walked into Steve’s room, and noticed that Steve had completely vanished. Still in the mindset that this was a prank by his two f

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumPoptart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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a sad time for dad-joking at the office.

I have this ongoing thing at the office where whenever this one middle-aged guy (call him Andy) gets a haircut, I say, "Hey Andy, you got a haircut" and Andy, without fail dadjokes me with "I got them ALL cut" and then we yuk it up in the hallway ... this has gone on for years and years, until recently, when Andy decided that due to male-pattern baldness, he would completely shave his head. Now it is not as funny to tell Andy he got his hair cut, because literally he got them ALL cut and it just looks like I am making fun of him. (:(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRVAx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
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Got my wife in labor

As my wife in labor is walking down the hallway of the hospital and I'm rolling her IV on my right, I looked right and said to her,

"Maybe its just me, but I feel like there is something between us."

I got the glare and silent treatment...until the water broke 10 steps later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxMulderThe2nd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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Can a dadjoke be PG-13? I don't see why not!

So, my wife and I decided to move this freestanding shelf thing to our dining area. However, we have wood floors, so pretty much anything that's put there (table, chairs) has to have these felt pads on the bottom so it doesn't scratch up the floor. Even if this won't get moved around much, if at all, I felt better about putting the pads on the bottom of this shelf as well, just in case.

My wife has been bugging me to do it for a while, but you know, laziness. Finally, earlier tonight, I cut the felt sheets to size, stuck them on the shelf, and put it where it belongs. When I was done, I called my wife over. "I'm in bed!" "It'll be quick, I promise!" groan "You don't even have to come downstairs, you can see it from the hallway outside the bedroom door!"

Finally she came out, with a "this had better be good" look on her face. I pointed to the shelf, and proudly declared that "I felt up this rack!"

Worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spongebue
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2015
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Dentist

So my dad takes me to the dentist to have my wisdom teeth out. When I wake up from being knocked out, the nurse guides me down the hallway. To the waiting room where my dad is waiting. I'm really out of it so the nurse is having a hard time since I'm a big guy. The nurses says to my dad, "With your son being so big, what happens if he falls over?". My dad looks at her and says "I don't know about you, but I'm getting the hell out of the way!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/totalarnage
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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It's electric!

My husband has a bad back and ended up in the ER today from the pain. I came to get him and was wheeling him down the hallway when I stepped on a metal floor divider. I got a nasty static shock on my foot and hand pushing the wheelchair from completing the circuit.

My husband says "oh! I didn't know you were that in to music"

Me: ".......?"

Him: "You're such a great conductor!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashleyrah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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My grandpa sent me this email. King of dad jokes.
  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattybreit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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Russian math professor got me the other day.

math professor runs past me in the hallway Me: "You in a hurry Doc?" Doc: "No, I'm Russian."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbone17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
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This one comes from my aunt's dad...

My aunt's bathroom is shaped like a hallway, long and narrow. I found out when she moved into her house, her dad told her she should repaint the bathroom with silver paint. When she asked him why, he said, "Well then you could call it the Long John Silver."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaRatmastah
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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Was at the hospital today with my grandpa

I was walking the hallways of the hospital with my grandpa, and we came upon a door marked "authorized personnel only." He looked at me and said "I'll authorize you if you authorize me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cillerkat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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Getting incessantly dadjoked by my female boss.

I'm at work today. In my job, I share an office with two other people, and my boss has another office down the hallway.

Currently, all three of us underlings are in the front office. We all are named Josh. For the last two hours, my boss has been calling the front office from her extension and saying, "Bring me the one they call Josh! Is Josh there?!" Then she laughs maniacally and hangs up. This repeats about every five to ten minutes.

I don't know how to make it stop. Please help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FerdThePenguinGuy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2014
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Can't even walk through the house

So I was moving a chair from one room to another, carrying it through the hallway

Dad: "Everybody behave, it's the chairman!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeopardusMaximus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
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My mother's first dad joke.

So when I was cooking in the kitchen (which is very narrow and small) I accidentally brushed up on a loosely closed tin can of Door Varnish spilling it all everywhere. I had to explain after I tried to clean it up to my mother and brother.

Me: So yeah, I spilled the whole can of door varnish on the kitchen floor and the hallway, it's going to hard to walk around for a little while.

My Brother: changes conversation Anyways are you free tomorrow, Mum?

My Mother: Yes, but first we must get out of this sticky situation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePeachyPanda
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2014
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Last night's dadjoke

As my husband and I are laying in bed, we notice my daughter turn on her bedroom light.

Husband: Why's your light on?

Daughter: I'm turning my TV down.

Husband: Turn down for what?

Daughter: Ugh. (I could hear her eye-roll from across the hallway.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DearestWormwood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
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I'm so not a morning person, but my dad-joke-brain is

I get up too early to drive my wife to work everyday, and this morning I bumped into the hallway of our apartment complex as we walked to the staircase...

Wife: "Make sure you open your eyes before you get to the stairs."

Me: "Don't worry; I always have my eyes open when I stare."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLongSigh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
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I need candy puns

Please give me puns I can quickly shout while walking through the hallway and chucking candy after screaming the pun. Preferably candy you would get on Halloween. Thank you for helping me out.

You are Musketeers of my heart.

.............

i hate myself

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πŸ‘€︎ u/energized-pickle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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