We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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At my dad’s, I asked what’s upstairs

He replied the stairs don’t talk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/llf002
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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So proud of my daughter, who ran upstairs to tell me our downstairs toilet was smoking.

She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.

Chip off the old block she is!

Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superdad0206
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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My wife yelled from upstairs and asked ...

"Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

I replied " No ..."

She responded: "How about now?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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I was surprised when I caught my son smoking weed upstairs...

I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeeball
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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"Spider!" yelled my wife from upstairs "bring up the newspaper".

"Fair enough," I shouted back, "which one does he want to read?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked β€œwhat’s upstairs?”

I Just responded with β€œdad, stairs don’t talk”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Gijsco_man
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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There’s nothing like the first floor of a house. But the upstairs...

Well that’s a different story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reverse_Chode
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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The wife yelled from upstairs

Hunny, do you ever get a shooting pain like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they are stabbing it? I said no. She said How about now?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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My friend walked upstairs, stepped on a banana peel, and fell on his bed

He went to slip

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cubelith
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Potential tenent: What is upstairs?

Landlord: Unfortunately, stairs don’t talk.

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πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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What’s upstairs?

Unfortunately, the stairs don’t talk

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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My friend asked β€œwhat’s upstairs?”

I told him the stairs couldn’t talk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/experiencemyballs
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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My son asked me β€œwhats upstairs?”

Unfortunately i had to remind him that the stairs don’t talk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/torreador13
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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My dads not around anymore, told me he was gonna pop upstairs...

So he went upstairs and he popped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noodle08
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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What's upstairs?

Unfortunately the stairs can't talk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coinsenhigh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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What's upstairs?

Unfortunately, the stairs don't talk.

I'll give credit where credit is due.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnlovedHustle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Son: What's upstairs?

Dad: Stairs don't talk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PH4nTo8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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upstairs
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuicidalNinja13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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I was going to write a joke about people who live in the apartment upstairs.

But that’s another story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Daughter- I’m gonna run upstairs

Me- you can just walk if you want. Daughter-shut up Me-ok

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayslay14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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"Jim Morrison was overrated!" the son screams as he stomps upstairs...

... his dad calls angrily after him: "YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glyph-bellchime
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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I wanted to ask the woman how to get upstairs, but I think I'll escalator.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dadikoe
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I told my wife I was going upstairs to change

She said, β€œdon’t change too much, I like you the way you are!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Me: and this is my house My friends: what's upstairs?? Me: stairs don't talk....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justme24601
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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A gentleman at the shop looked at all the tires I was taking upstairs and says, β€œTires for days”

I told him, β€œnah I should be able to get them up there today”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ktulu92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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Son comes upstairs

Holding a wet five dollar bill. Says he washed it. I told him he shouldn’t launder money.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr2BareIt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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Her: I wish the man upstairs blessed you with some brains!

Me: Why the hell is there a man upstairs?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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I was making out on the couch with my wife the other day when she looked at me sexy and said "Let's take this upstairs"

I got up and told her "I'll get this end. You take the other one"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatphotoguy89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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Upstairs, Downstairs: a dad's malicious compliance

I posted this over on r/MaliciousCompliance and was told that it might fit over here as well. > Wife: "I think I left my phone on the nightstand. Would you please run up the stairs for me, dear?"
> Me: "Sure, hon."
> I dash up the stairs, turn around at the top and come charging down the stairs again.
> Me: "Phew, that was fun. Good idea."
> Wife: "..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-SQB-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
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"Do you have pop upstairs?"

"No, we have normal stairs."

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2014
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Brought a candle upstairs before bed...

I knew my wife would have "Welcome to Night Vale" on before bed, so I brought up a candle for a little spooky ambiance.

Sure enough, she was absorbed by the show already when I got into the room. I said, "We had like sixteen of these downstairs."

She, not fully paying attention, said," sixteen of what? "

"Sixteen... CANDLES."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dog13000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2016
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My dad demands an "upstairs maid" for my parents' one story house.

He says it's only fair since Mom has a pool boy.

...Neither of these things are true. He says this all the time. Pls help.

Edit: They don't have a pool either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/attacktheblock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
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My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trickstro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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Roommate had to cut the power upstairs

Him: "Hey, I'm cutting the power now."

click

Him: "Did it work?"

Me: "I don't know…It's too dark to tell!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticsimba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2014
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Its upstairs

Me: "I wish we had a sun room in the house"

Dad: "We do, its upstairs, we have a daughter room too"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kindadinosaur
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
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Moving furniture upstairs

My friends and i were moving a heavy dresser upstairs. We would say "One, two, three, LIFT!". He watched from the bottom of the stairs and shouted, "Try countin to two now! Youll get there in half the time!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daystarxc1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2014
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