"Stairs don't talk!"
She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.
Chip off the old block she is!
Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!
"Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
I replied " No ..."
She responded: "How about now?"
I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.
"Fair enough," I shouted back, "which one does he want to read?"
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk”
Well that’s a different story.
He went to slip
Landlord: Unfortunately, stairs don’t talk.
So he went upstairs and he popped.
Unfortunately, the stairs don't talk.
But that’s another story.
Me- you can just walk if you want. Daughter-shut up Me-ok
... his dad calls angrily after him: "YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!"
She said, “don’t change too much, I like you the way you are!”
I told him, “nah I should be able to get them up there today”
Holding a wet five dollar bill. Says he washed it. I told him he shouldn’t launder money.
Me: Why the hell is there a man upstairs?
I got up and told her "I'll get this end. You take the other one"
I posted this over on r/MaliciousCompliance and was told that it might fit over here as well.
> Wife: "I think I left my phone on the nightstand. Would you please run up the stairs for me, dear?"
> Me: "Sure, hon."
> I dash up the stairs, turn around at the top and come charging down the stairs again.
> Me: "Phew, that was fun. Good idea."
> Wife: "..."
"No, we have normal stairs."
I knew my wife would have "Welcome to Night Vale" on before bed, so I brought up a candle for a little spooky ambiance.
Sure enough, she was absorbed by the show already when I got into the room. I said, "We had like sixteen of these downstairs."
She, not fully paying attention, said," sixteen of what? "
"Sixteen... CANDLES."
He says it's only fair since Mom has a pool boy.
...Neither of these things are true. He says this all the time. Pls help.
Edit: They don't have a pool either.
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Him: "Hey, I'm cutting the power now."
click
Him: "Did it work?"
Me: "I don't know…It's too dark to tell!"
Me: "I wish we had a sun room in the house"
Dad: "We do, its upstairs, we have a daughter room too"
My friends and i were moving a heavy dresser upstairs. We would say "One, two, three, LIFT!". He watched from the bottom of the stairs and shouted, "Try countin to two now! Youll get there in half the time!"
He replied the stairs don’t talk.
Hunny, do you ever get a shooting pain like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they are stabbing it? I said no. She said How about now?
Unfortunately, the stairs don’t talk
I told him the stairs couldn’t talk
Unfortunately i had to remind him that the stairs don’t talk.
Unfortunately the stairs can't talk.
