Bathroom pun...
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/antonio-ferreira
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me, β€œDid you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”

I said, β€œI don’t see myself doing that.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, β€œHa! That’s not going to help!”

β€œSure, it does.” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LorenaBobbedIt
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I found mushrooms growing from the bathroom ceiling in my NYC apartment (typical) and called my dad to see what I should do about it.

He immediately said, β€œWell, I wouldn’t eat them.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banananabby
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
When I get naked in the bathroom

the shower gets turned on.

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tool_Time_Tim
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl in the bathroom?

The P is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
My wife told me that the bathroom scales were broken. I said...

No way.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
If a republican needs to use the bathroom...

Do they need to GO P?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CirclingTheDead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I’ve been rating everyone’s bathroom on a scale from one to ten. I’ve gotta say...

Urinate.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tswart92
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
You go into the bathroom American, and you come out American... What are you when you're in the bathroom?

European

I figured we could all use a light hearted chuckle right about now.

Love you all out there and stay well!

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guitarman1103
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
What would you do if your bathroom suite turned up at the front door?

Just let that sink in...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
My wife was planning to wash the bathroom, but it was getting late

...so she had to scrub it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddrcoder
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
You can order bathroom fixtures online and have someone at you door in a couple days ready to install it,

Just let that sink in

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyloWrench
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Whenever I undress in the bathroom…

My shower gets turned on.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Some cities have bathrooms that you pay to use.

You could say they are charging a Pee-mium.

πŸ‘︎ 502
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reefay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
Why did the 'A' go to the bathroom and come out an 'E'?

It had a vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 987
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
If one person has to go to the bathroom, they have to pee

If two or more people have to go to the bathroom, they have to queue

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bentup85
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
People! The public bathrooms are for peeing only!

Either you're in, or you're out!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaystibelman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
I think there's a pterodactyl in my bathroom, but I can't be certain.

Because the p is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
If you Russian going in the bathroom and your Finnish when you leave the bathroom. What are you when you in the Bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ledfor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

The P is silent

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whiskey461
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom

Because they're dead...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gjonidude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
Did you hear? Since COVID-19 has everyone is stuck at home, and sports networks need content, they've decided to televise competitive bathroom sports.

It'll be on the channel E. S. Peein.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Howardyoudoing95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
My bathroom scale found...

Everything my 401k has lost!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ROVengineer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Tonight is a sad night... our robotic vacuum cleaner, Wall-E, killed our bathroom spider, Al Gore.

Why was our bathroom spider named Al Gore? Simple. He created the web.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DamnRedhead
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
Where does a bee use the bathroom?

BP

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakaZuluYourMom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
Bathroom fixtures can't catch the virus.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rosenking
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
You're 'merican when you go into the bathroom, and 'merican when you come out. But what are you whilst your in there?

Your a 'peeing

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
If you're Russian when you go to the bathroom and you're Finnish when you come out, what were when you were in the bathroom

European

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Cyberostrich_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because they’re all dead.

(Besides, the β€œp” was always silent anyway)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirjoseph62
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
My husband: "Look at this mind-blowing machine I found in the bathroom!"

http://imgur.com/gallery/LVgGlW7

My eyes nearly rolled out of my head.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScrollButtons
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom?

Because its β€œP” is silent

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TeepenTeepen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
This light in the bathroom at my office has been out for a year. Today it was finally replaced. One might say it was the β€œhighlight” of my day
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mojoson24
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
Son, can you tie this rope into loops while I go to the bathroom?

I shit, you knot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RevanAndTheSithy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
My dad is always embarrassed about cutting himself while getting rid of his beard, so he locks himself in the bathroom...

I guess he’s just trying to shave face…

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
The sign in the bathroom said β€œemployees must wash hands”.

I waited over two hours for an employee to come in to wash my hands before I washed them myself and went home.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timned88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
Found in a bathroom, just groutside Boston.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homerj681
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I had some serious emotional distress while going to the bathroom the other day.

It was some heavy shit.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/totally80s
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
What do you call an American in the bathroom

European

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viv137
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear Pterodactyls go to the bathroom?

Because their P is silent

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
Came into the bathroom and my wife's Kindle was next to the toilet, sitting on the scale.

Must have been doing some light reading.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/three_rs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
You know what makes cents? Bathroom stall vending machines.

Everybody loves John Candy.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Next time you go to the bathroom

Mention my name and you'll get a good seat!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zanman28
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?

Linoleum Blownapart

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Deetz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Anna and Elsa install air dryers in all of the castle bathrooms?

To make it Hans free

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendOfKhaos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
I tripped over something in the bathroom and nearly killed myself.

It was a toilet brush with death.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
What do birds call their bathroom?

The toiletree

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kBajina
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Who steals all the soap in the bathroom?

The robber ducky

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?

It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iGaunt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you let a PokΓ©mon in the bathroom while you’re showering?

Because he might Peek-at-chu.

Optional addition NSFW or kids: And if he gets really excited, he might Squirtle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmarcatch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I had to use the bathroom. Couldn’t believe someone dropped a deuce right on the floor.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nosrrttap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the band that only performs in bathrooms?

I'm not surprised, they're washed up

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Blackwood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My "bathroom humor" comedy routine was a failure... /r/badjokes/comments/eybo…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the P is silent

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmilioTM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
Wife: I haven't seen you use the bathroom all week

Me: No shit. I'm constipated.

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Frosty the Snowman go to the bathroom?

That’s snowbody’s business

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If you are American outside the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom?

European

My first post πŸ˜…

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/momomannn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
If you’re an American in the kitchen, what are you when you’re in the bathroom?

European!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there?

European.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MemesRFunny2Me
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do Pirates hate going to the bathroom?

As soon as they get rid of their P, they’re just irate.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolff_X
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Bathroom Humor
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
If you’re an American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re an American when you come out, what are you while you’re in there?

European

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rtgurley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend’s dad was helping out renovating our bathroom.

While cutting out sheet rock for the tile, he hands me a circular cutout with the words β€œto it” written on it.

He began to tell me that I’ll never be able to say I’ll do something β€œwhen I get around to it”, because now I have one of my own.

After about a minute I never sighed harder in my life.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrewChrist87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I go to the bathroom at work to avoid responsibilities

I like to say I'm stalling

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoDubs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend asked how I cut my chin as I walked out of the bathroom this morning. Come on.. what is the simplest explanation?

I cut myself shaving

With occam's razor!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klinquist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the 'p' is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaylefko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?

Because he had a vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does batman go to the bathroom?

The batroom.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you go to bathroom in France?

European

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red8user
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't know if it's just me or the new decorations, but every time I go to the bathroom...

I lose my shit.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueBasketBall
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
When I get naked in the bathroom

the shower usually gets turned on.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smith_gt3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Bathrooms at a New Zealand ski field...
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lozgunners
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because it's dead

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealTengri
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

The β€œp” is silent. And they’re extinct ☝🏻

Don’t forget to wear New Balance kids, it’s all about back support. Defense wins championships.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

The P is silent!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NewAgeDoom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. β€œHaΒ­Β­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

β€œSure, it does,” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

The P is silent!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boom223
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealLlord
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?

Because he had a vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the β€œP” is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zxCypher
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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