My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
I’ll be here all day
When you walk into the bathroom...
A German guy built a bathroom around his table
What kind of plant belongs in a bathroom?
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She smiled and answered...
URINE for a treat right here! A sticker on the bathroom wall at work.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Going into the bathroom in the middle of the night trying not to wake up anybody is like a psychiatrist.
Why can't you hear the psychic going to the bathroom?
So this bank robber I know brings a bathroom scale with him to every heist.
What happens when a grenade goes off in a French bathroom?
If you were a russian when you went in the bathroom and a finnish when you left, what were you in the bathroom?
My son (8) walked out of the bathroom this morning and exclaimed "whoof!...
... I haven't peed since last year!"
I couldn't be more proud
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
We’re in the process of potty training my two year old. My wife took her into the bathroom and argued with her that she’s not allowed to take toys into the bathroom.
I interrupted her and told her that it is in fact called a toy-let.
The bathroom fixtures delivery man is here, honey!
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
Shouldn’t the bedroom be called the Restroom instead of the bathroom?
I'll be in the bathroom a little longer this morning...
Because I've been holding this in since last year. Out of the way!
I cloned myself and he is following me everywhere. To the garage, kitchen, bathroom....
Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself
My house is a smart house because it has a bathroom
Because it has an IP address.
Vandals drilled a peephole into the ladies bathroom.
The police are looking into it.
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.
Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"
"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
My boyfriend told me as I walked in “hey don’t be alarmed but the toilet is smoking”. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
Just found myself with problems in the bathroom as the clock struck 12...
I went to the bathroom earlier today and forgot my phone
It was a shitty experience
I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor
Yes, it was the VI P room
What do Scottish people use to wipe after using the bathroom?
If you stink up another persons bathroom, you’re an asshole.
(True story) My GF asked me to kill a spider in the bathroom today.
It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.
"How did you even see that?" I asked.
And she answered, "With my spider-sense."
I love this woman so, so much.
My dad would walk me to the bathroom when I was scared to pee at night...
Did you know that you change nationalities when you really have to go to the bathroom?
When you’re trying to find the facilities, you’re Russian. Once you get there though, European.
I’m at school and I feel the urge to use the bathroom
Me: teacher can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: it’s may
Me: no it’s not, it’s December
What does dancer say when they have to use the bathroom?
I have to go and-a-one, and-a-two.
If you're Russian in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when it goes to the bathroom ?
How come you can never hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom
When you go into the bathroom you're American. When you leave the bathroom you're American. What are you when you're in the bathroom?
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