Bathroom pun...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/antonio-ferreira
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.

It was the hardest dump I ever took

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...

I guess I have to keep holding it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

I’ll be here all day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RouGEkila
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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When you walk into the bathroom...

...urine there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snoop_John_B
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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A German guy built a bathroom around his table

Bad um Tisch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dutch_Midget
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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What kind of plant belongs in a bathroom?

Toilet trees 🚽😩😭🀣

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anxieuxd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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My wife asked me, β€œDid you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”

I said, β€œI don’t see myself doing that.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ES_FTrader
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, β€œWill you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She smiled and answered...

β€œI do!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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URINE for a treat right here! A sticker on the bathroom wall at work.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dough1360
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.

He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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Going into the bathroom in the middle of the night trying not to wake up anybody is like a psychiatrist.

The pee is silent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaidJago88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Why can't you hear the psychic going to the bathroom?

Because the p is silent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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So this bank robber I know brings a bathroom scale with him to every heist.

He always gets a weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorStrawn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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What happens when a grenade goes off in a French bathroom?

Linoleum Blown-Apart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ndosch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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If you were a russian when you went in the bathroom and a finnish when you left, what were you in the bathroom?

European

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aexus1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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My son (8) walked out of the bathroom this morning and exclaimed "whoof!...

... I haven't peed since last year!"

I couldn't be more proud

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcschnazz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...

Toot Suite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xrayhearing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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We’re in the process of potty training my two year old. My wife took her into the bathroom and argued with her that she’s not allowed to take toys into the bathroom.

I interrupted her and told her that it is in fact called a toy-let.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zxcoblex
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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The bathroom fixtures delivery man is here, honey!

Let that sink in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.

Let that sink in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobotPreacher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Shouldn’t the bedroom be called the Restroom instead of the bathroom?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForestValkyrie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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I'll be in the bathroom a little longer this morning...

Because I've been holding this in since last year. Out of the way!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diehardpuns
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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I cloned myself and he is following me everywhere. To the garage, kitchen, bathroom....

Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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My house is a smart house because it has a bathroom

Because it has an IP address.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Incognitj0e
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Vandals drilled a peephole into the ladies bathroom.

The police are looking into it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, β€œHa! That’s not going to help!”

β€œSure, it does.” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.

Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"

"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the P is silent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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My boyfriend told me as I walked in β€œhey don’t be alarmed but the toilet is smoking”. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slebsta
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Just found myself with problems in the bathroom as the clock struck 12...

Same shit, new year

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DantheMan350V2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I went to the bathroom earlier today and forgot my phone

It was a shitty experience

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moor9776
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor

Yes, it was the VI P room

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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What do Scottish people use to wipe after using the bathroom?

Kilted Northern

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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If you stink up another persons bathroom, you’re an asshole.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homosapien-male
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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(True story) My GF asked me to kill a spider in the bathroom today.

It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.

"How did you even see that?" I asked.

And she answered, "With my spider-sense."

I love this woman so, so much.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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My dad would walk me to the bathroom when I was scared to pee at night...

That’s a number one dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Did you know that you change nationalities when you really have to go to the bathroom?

When you’re trying to find the facilities, you’re Russian. Once you get there though, European.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/halokost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I’m at school and I feel the urge to use the bathroom

Me: teacher can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: it’s may Me: no it’s not, it’s December

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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What does dancer say when they have to use the bathroom?

I have to go and-a-one, and-a-two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hola0722
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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If you're Russian in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?

European

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when it goes to the bathroom ?

Because the P is silent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noelittle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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How come you can never hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because its P is silent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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My wife asked me, β€œDid you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”

I said, β€œI don’t see myself doing that.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the P is silent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/12mpclark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom

Because the P is silent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibealittlebirdy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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When you go into the bathroom you're American. When you leave the bathroom you're American. What are you when you're in the bathroom?

European

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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