My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry puns
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Emphasis on laundry rotation
Did you hear about the thief on the run for stealing laundry detergent?
…he’s wanted for his ill-begotten Gain
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
Every time I hang out my laundry, the song "Nine to Five" starts playing...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Sun dried laundry is always...
People find laundry therapeutic...
... because it takes a load off their mind.
My son never does his laundry so one day I got fed up and told him "If you don't start cleaning your clothes I'm going to leave you all my dirty clothes in my will!"
Sorry, just had to heir my dirty laundry
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president
Because I am washing-a-ton
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are
Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch
... And George Harrison.
What do you call a president that has to do a lot of laundry?
What do you call Clint Barton when he does the laundry?
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel
Asked my kids this morning to bring their laundry and separate it into whites and colors. My son holds up some grey sweats and asks which pile.
My response: Not sure son, that’s kind of a grey area.
How much fun is doing laundry?
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
My wife was walking downstairs with the laundry, and dropped it when she missed a step.
Led Zeppelin ran a laundry appliance business.
They were called the Dryer Makers.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry
He said, 'These just socks'.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry
Me: it’s a sacrifice to the dryer gods.
My dad: it’s a sockrifice.
(This was an actual joke made by my actual dad today.)
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over... now I’m
Sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry..
i became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I finally did the laundry today.
That was a load off my mind.
You know what the terms "no mercy" and "dirty laundry" have in common?
Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.
After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.
The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.
The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."
What do you call a president that has a ton of laundry to do?
"Did you just stand there watching me fall and drop all the laundry?"
"Yes, I watched it all unfold"
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
I ran out of laundry detergent today. I didn't let it get me down.
I realized it was just the start of a whole new Era.
"Did you see when i fell and dropped all the laundry?"
"Yes, i watched it all unfold
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Why did the Eskimo do laundry in tide?
Because it was too damn cold out tide.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
In college, my roommate used to do my laundry, and I used to do his.
We were maid for each other.
My wife and I were having this huge argument as to whose turn it is to do laundry.
Finally, I threw in the towel.
"So you stood there and watched while I dropped all of the laundry?"
"Yep, I watched it all unfold."
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like the first president.
Because I’m Washing-a-ton
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
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