Dad can I wash the car with you ?
I dunno son, I prefer you use a sponge
ποΈ 39
π
οΈ Jan 05 2021
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
ποΈ 46
π
οΈ Dec 03 2020
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Dec 29 2020
I accidentally left some money in my jeans as they went through the wash.
I just worry because I know itβs illegal to launder money.
ποΈ 19
π
οΈ Dec 06 2020
I accidentally left some AA batteries in my pocket when I put them in the wash
That's what I call clean energy
ποΈ 19
π
οΈ Oct 25 2020
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Nov 21 2020
I cook my food by myself, wash my dishes by myself, and tidy my house myself.
One can say that I am 'self-maid'
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Nov 08 2020
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Nov 05 2020
Just going to have to wash my hands off this one!
ποΈ 66
π
οΈ Jun 17 2020
I donβt wash my ass
Because I donβt let shit bother me
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Sep 28 2020
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Aug 02 2020
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
ποΈ 33
π
οΈ Jun 24 2020
If you ever have to cancel plans with friends your excuse should be that you have to wash your hair in a lukewarm shower with high quality dandruff shampoo.
At least that way your friends can never call you flakey.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Jul 23 2020
What do orca whales at sea world use to wash themselves?
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Aug 10 2020
When you gotta make Music at 8 but wash Money at 10
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ May 19 2020
Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.
It's difficult for them to stay in sink.
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ May 12 2020
I sold my washing machine last week because i had a $20 bill in my last wash
I didnt want to be caught money laundering
ποΈ 283
π
οΈ Feb 08 2020
I got in a fender bender at a car wash
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jun 14 2020
My wife was planning to wash the bathroom, but it was getting late
...so she had to scrub it.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ May 23 2020
Every time I wash the dishes at night after dinner, I use a whole bottle of dishwashing liquid.
Another day, another Dawn.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Apr 23 2020
The sign in the bathroom said βemployees must wash handsβ.
I waited over two hours for an employee to come in to wash my hands before I washed them myself and went home.
ποΈ 17
π
οΈ Jan 19 2020
Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Mar 21 2020
My wife hates it when I wash delicates on the casual setting...
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Apr 16 2020
Saw a bunch of crows wash up on the beach
Must've been murder suicide
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Apr 11 2020
In an alternate universe, thereβs probably a sentient kitchen wash basin knocking at your front door. Let that sink in,
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Nov 02 2019
HHH'S car wash
ποΈ 117
π
οΈ Sep 19 2019
What does Craig David announce when he does a pyjama wash?
"This one goes out to all the P-P-Js"
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Mar 12 2020
Why did the gynecologist wash their hands?
Because they were afraid of crotch-contamination.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Jan 21 2020
How does a mermaid wash their tail?
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Feb 07 2020
Uh...... Do I need to wash my eyes if I touch them
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Oct 21 2019
Why did the tree wash his hands?
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Nov 07 2019
Do you know why eskimos wash their clothes in tide?
Because it's too cold out tide (outside)
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Dec 24 2019
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
ποΈ 26
π
οΈ Oct 05 2019
Why did the sailor wash the dishes in his boat?
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Mar 04 2020
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
Itβs not real poo, itβs a sham poo.
ποΈ 106
π
οΈ Jul 31 2019
Wash them
ποΈ 15
π
οΈ Sep 10 2019
How do they wash laundry in Bangkok?
ποΈ 39
π
οΈ Aug 06 2019
-Dad, can I wash the car with you?
-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?
ποΈ 124
π
οΈ Nov 14 2018
What's the best time of day to wash your engine?
Dawn, it's tough on grease.
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Aug 05 2019
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
ποΈ 40
π
οΈ Apr 14 2020
How do mermaids wash their clothes?
ποΈ 19
π
οΈ Apr 17 2020
Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.
It's hard for them to stay in sink.
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Mar 05 2020
There was a knock at the door this morning, so I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep. I thought,
"I'd better let this sink in."
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Sep 28 2019
Why does Santa wash his clothes in Tide?
Because itβs too cold outtide.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Dec 10 2019
Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in tide?
Because itβs too cold out tide
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Dec 12 2019
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