Dad can I wash the car with you ?

I dunno son, I prefer you use a sponge

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobotPreacher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.

I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally left some money in my jeans as they went through the wash.

I just worry because I know it’s illegal to launder money.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Like8catsbro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally left some AA batteries in my pocket when I put them in the wash

That's what I call clean energy

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dcschnazz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.

I think it was Scampoo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I cook my food by myself, wash my dishes by myself, and tidy my house myself.

One can say that I am 'self-maid'

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zilver-alpha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.

I'm a man - I use real poo.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Just going to have to wash my hands off this one!
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chocolaterush
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t wash my ass

Because I don’t let shit bother me

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SH4TPOSTER
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,

I sing faucetto...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mickets
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do mermaids wash their fins with?

Tide

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever have to cancel plans with friends your excuse should be that you have to wash your hair in a lukewarm shower with high quality dandruff shampoo.

At least that way your friends can never call you flakey.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bumblebus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do orca whales at sea world use to wash themselves?

Shampu

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
When you gotta make Music at 8 but wash Money at 10
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ni_ko_98
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.

It's difficult for them to stay in sink.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I sold my washing machine last week because i had a $20 bill in my last wash

I didnt want to be caught money laundering

πŸ‘︎ 283
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolrule360
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I got in a fender bender at a car wash

It was a clean hit!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuck-Dieazel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was planning to wash the bathroom, but it was getting late

...so she had to scrub it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ddrcoder
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do mermaids wash their clothes?

With tide

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MansNotHot772
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.

It's hard for them to stay in sink.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I wash the dishes at night after dinner, I use a whole bottle of dishwashing liquid.

Another day, another Dawn.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The sign in the bathroom said β€œemployees must wash hands”.

I waited over two hours for an employee to come in to wash my hands before I washed them myself and went home.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timned88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.

Then it Dawned on me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife hates it when I wash delicates on the casual setting...

She gets too agitated.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a bunch of crows wash up on the beach

Must've been murder suicide

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
In an alternate universe, there’s probably a sentient kitchen wash basin knocking at your front door. Let that sink in,
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Betamax-86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
HHH'S car wash
πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Craig David announce when he does a pyjama wash?

"This one goes out to all the P-P-Js"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dnhll19
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the gynecologist wash their hands?

Because they were afraid of crotch-contamination.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cassei
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a mermaid wash their tail?

They use tide

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deadlyporkchop7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Uh...... Do I need to wash my eyes if I touch them
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Addicted2Cornhole
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the tree wash his hands?

He had sticky fingers.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wimple007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why eskimos wash their clothes in tide?

Because it's too cold out tide (outside)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kipzer1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cool-kid103
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the sailor wash the dishes in his boat?

So that it wooden sink.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nirdle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.

It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Wash them
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Acute_web
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does Santa wash his clothes in Tide?

Because it’s too cold outtide.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How do they wash laundry in Bangkok?

They use Thai Pods

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/its_ghaba
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
-Dad, can I wash the car with you?

-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cray_z8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the best time of day to wash your engine?

Dawn, it's tough on grease.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nano_Jragon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do mermaids wash their fins with?

Tide

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcerk02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a knock at the door this morning, so I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep. I thought,

"I'd better let this sink in."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naptownfellow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in tide?

Because it’s too cold out tide

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bear-Scout-Mae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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