They refused to sere me beef today. The waiter said something about a stakeout
I guess the free press is under siege!
With Tide. How do you do you launder it faster? Tide to go.
It's Money Laundering.
It was just collecting dust.
A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.
I guess they take money laundering very seriously....
I just worry because I know it’s illegal to launder money.
Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!
I hope, I don't get arrested for money laundering.
My brother found $20 in my shorts taking them out of the dryer
Now my moneys wet.
But their business is in a scent
A joint account.
He said it was money laundering
I was charged with money laundering.
I didnt want to be caught money laundering
i became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
He was a Monet launderer.
So we were talking about transferring money and I made a comment about not wanting to forget a paper note in my trousers when they get washed.
He looked me straight in the eye and shouted
‘Because you don’t want to be accused of... MONEY LAUNDERING’
Watching Pilot episode of Breaking Bad with my dad when a scene comes on of Walt putting his money in his dryer
Dad: "Look, he's laundering his money already!"
Me: "I'm going to have to call the FBI."
Wife: "Why?"
Me: "Because you've been laundering money."
They have Anti Money Laundering
Got my whole Tafe class with this, thanks to a good setup from a mate. He says: I can't believe that guy stole your gate! The class: what the hell? Me: yeah, I was watering my front lawn, and this bloke walks up to my gate, looks at me, picks my gate up off its hinges and walked off with it! The class: what??? You didn't say anything?!! Me: no, I didn't want him to take a-fence... The class: laughs and groans of disappointment as they realize they fell for it.
And now my wife is getting accused of laundering money
Wouldn't that be 'money laundering'?
I accidentally put my wallet through the wash last night. This morning, as I was drying its contents with a hair dryer, my uncle walks in and immediately says "you do know that money laundering is a crime, right?"
I put up Punderdome cards on my door every day. Today's cards were too much fun not to share. What else can you come up with?
https://preview.redd.it/fru7gc2epjo21.jpg?width=2160&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=370a3ac0776b86863ed4ec133f9b667ec190566f
Project Run-a-way
America's Next Top Money Launderer
Keeping Up with the Car-Jackings
Naked & Public Exposure
My Solitary Confinement Life
The Real House-arrest Wives
The Great British Breaking & Entering
So You Think You Can Drink & Drive?
America's Got Theft
Pawn(ing Stolen Goods) Stars
Jersey Shore You Should Steal That Car
Who Wants to be an Arrested Felon?
Say Yes to the Drugs
Arson Daily
What else do can you think of?!
It's laundered money now.
Necessary Terminology: Toonie= Canadian $2 Coin
Friend's Facebook Status: "Laundromats aren't so bad when you find a toonie in the drier."
I commented: "If the drier cost $2, you could call it a wash!"
I was sort of proud of my dad-joke, so later that day, I told my dad the story.
Dad: "Do you think she'll be arrested?" Me: "No, why?" Dad: "For Money Laundering"
He said that he was money laundering.
My Dad was the worst. And by that, I mean the best. He had a Dad Joke for everything.
I accidently left my wallet in my pants and they went through the wash?
"Don't you know it's illegal to launder money?" He would crack.
We would drive by the cemetery and he would always remark.
"That place is so popular, people are dying to get in"
Many groans were had.
I would ask him, "Dad, where do you get all these awful jokes?" and he looked square in the eye and said.
"Son, on the day you were born - your Grandfather - my father gave me a book. '1001 Dad Jokes' and that where I get them from"
And life continued. Any opportunity to crack wise he would take it. Even when I moved out and got my own place it didn't stop. I had my Dad over to help me repaint the walls from cream to white.
"Boy" He whistled. "This wall sure pales in comparison to that one"
My eyes rolled and he just shrugged. "It's the book!"
He couldn't even help himself at my wedding and broke out a Dad Joke during the toast.
"If this is the toast, where are the eggs?"
"Sorry son, it's the book!" He said with a devilish grin.
So months pass and my wife is in labor at the hospital with our first child. I'm sitting in the waiting room with my dad for support. Suddenly, a nurse comes out beaming with glee.
"Congratulations, sir! It's a girl!"
Me and my dad jump up and whoop for joy, hugging. I can't wait to go in and see my wife and child.
"Wait son" My dad says and pulls a little book out of his jacket pocket. "This is for you"
I look at the little book and sure enough, it's "1001 Dad Jokes"
I tear up instantly.
"I...I.." I stammer.."I'm touched.."
My dad gets the world's biggest shit-eating grin on his face.
"Hi touched...." He pauses for effect.
"I'm Dad"
I am afraid that i'll get caught for money laundering.I dont know how to stop having this punitive thought.
I hear money laundering is serious business
Money laundering is illegal.
It’s money laundering
