A local restaurant launders money for the mafia

They refused to sere me beef today. The waiter said something about a stakeout

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smithsea2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...

I guess the free press is under siege!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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In movies laundromats are fronts for gangs and drug dealers because they launder money.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/upitnow22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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How do you launder money?

With Tide. How do you do you launder it faster? Tide to go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akara1001
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
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Doing a bit of money laundering.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelavenderlily
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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I sold my cleaning equipment.

It was just collecting dust.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdeptCrow3733
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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I washed a few $20's the other day...

A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.

I guess they take money laundering very seriously....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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During the lockdown I'm wiping my banknotes with sanitizer and washing all the coins with hot soapy water.

I hope, I don't get arrested for money laundering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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I accidentally left some money in my jeans as they went through the wash.

I just worry because I know it’s illegal to launder money.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Like8catsbro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.

Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnew001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Money laundering
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πŸ‘€︎ u/d13n3m4n
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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I’ve been caught money laundering.

My brother found $20 in my shorts taking them out of the dryer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/littlecheese49
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Money Laundering
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qwer1627
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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I don't know why money laundering is such a big deal.

Now my moneys wet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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Man who hid Β£310,000 in washing machine arrested for money laundering dailymail.co.uk/news/arti…
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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Perfume companies tend to get wrongly accused of laundering money.

But their business is in a scent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazymanfish90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicCrab134
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Did the laundry today and forgot my wallet in my pants pocket. Now im facing money laundering charges...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rodney54
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Two drug dealers are laundering money into the bank. Where is it going?

A joint account.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boomkiller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
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My son was washing some dollar bills the other day

He said it was money laundering

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondmemebond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Money laundering(x-post from /r/ANormalDayInRussia)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2015
🚨︎ report
I got arrested for forgetting to take out my wallet before washing my pants.

I was charged with money laundering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Abcruz7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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Money Laundering
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2014
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A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry..

i became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I sold my washing machine last week because i had a $20 bill in my last wash

I didnt want to be caught money laundering

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolrule360
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Why was the art restorer sent to prison?

He was a Monet launderer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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One that my dad just gave me

So we were talking about transferring money and I made a comment about not wanting to forget a paper note in my trousers when they get washed.

He looked me straight in the eye and shouted

β€˜Because you don’t want to be accused of... MONEY LAUNDERING’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roku-Hanmar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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what'r y'all in for?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buy_an_sel-l
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Money Laundering

Watching Pilot episode of Breaking Bad with my dad when a scene comes on of Walt putting his money in his dryer

Dad: "Look, he's laundering his money already!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spdaff
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife found a $5 bill in the washing machine

Me: "I'm going to have to call the FBI."

Wife: "Why?"

Me: "Because you've been laundering money."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmcsalmon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
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Why can't ants fund illegal activities ?

They have Anti Money Laundering

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to COVID-19...

I've begun laundering money.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quailman007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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Can't believe he stole my gate...

Got my whole Tafe class with this, thanks to a good setup from a mate. He says: I can't believe that guy stole your gate! The class: what the hell? Me: yeah, I was watering my front lawn, and this bloke walks up to my gate, looks at me, picks my gate up off its hinges and walked off with it! The class: what??? You didn't say anything?!! Me: no, I didn't want him to take a-fence... The class: laughs and groans of disappointment as they realize they fell for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fondles_McGraw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2015
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If you accidentally leave some cash in your clothing and it goes through the washing machine,

Wouldn't that be 'money laundering'?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I left some change in my pants pocket

And now my wife is getting accused of laundering money

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamingGod07770
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joked while trying to save my money

I accidentally put my wallet through the wash last night. This morning, as I was drying its contents with a hair dryer, my uncle walks in and immediately says "you do know that money laundering is a crime, right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zephyrsothe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
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New TV Show Puns

I put up Punderdome cards on my door every day. Today's cards were too much fun not to share. What else can you come up with?

https://preview.redd.it/fru7gc2epjo21.jpg?width=2160&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=370a3ac0776b86863ed4ec133f9b667ec190566f

Project Run-a-way

America's Next Top Money Launderer

Keeping Up with the Car-Jackings

Naked & Public Exposure

My Solitary Confinement Life

The Real House-arrest Wives

The Great British Breaking & Entering

So You Think You Can Drink & Drive?

America's Got Theft

Pawn(ing Stolen Goods) Stars

Jersey Shore You Should Steal That Car

Who Wants to be an Arrested Felon?

Say Yes to the Drugs

Arson Daily

What else do can you think of?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leash15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
When you get it... imgur.com/IHSTrGk
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dethzilla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
🚨︎ report
I lost my credit card in the washing machine.

It's laundered money now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsSuperRob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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My dad out dad-joked my dad-joke.

Necessary Terminology: Toonie= Canadian $2 Coin

Friend's Facebook Status: "Laundromats aren't so bad when you find a toonie in the drier."

I commented: "If the drier cost $2, you could call it a wash!"

I was sort of proud of my dad-joke, so later that day, I told my dad the story.

Dad: "Do you think she'll be arrested?" Me: "No, why?" Dad: "For Money Laundering"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/druman55
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2014
🚨︎ report
I walked in on my dad washing his secret dime collection today.

He said that he was money laundering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuguei
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I dropped some cash into the washing machine.

I am afraid that i'll get caught for money laundering.I dont know how to stop having this punitive thought.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowAbe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
The Book

My Dad was the worst. And by that, I mean the best. He had a Dad Joke for everything.

I accidently left my wallet in my pants and they went through the wash?

"Don't you know it's illegal to launder money?" He would crack.

We would drive by the cemetery and he would always remark.

"That place is so popular, people are dying to get in"

Many groans were had.

I would ask him, "Dad, where do you get all these awful jokes?" and he looked square in the eye and said.

"Son, on the day you were born - your Grandfather - my father gave me a book. '1001 Dad Jokes' and that where I get them from"

And life continued. Any opportunity to crack wise he would take it. Even when I moved out and got my own place it didn't stop. I had my Dad over to help me repaint the walls from cream to white.

"Boy" He whistled. "This wall sure pales in comparison to that one"

My eyes rolled and he just shrugged. "It's the book!"

He couldn't even help himself at my wedding and broke out a Dad Joke during the toast.

"If this is the toast, where are the eggs?"

"Sorry son, it's the book!" He said with a devilish grin.

So months pass and my wife is in labor at the hospital with our first child. I'm sitting in the waiting room with my dad for support. Suddenly, a nurse comes out beaming with glee.

"Congratulations, sir! It's a girl!"

Me and my dad jump up and whoop for joy, hugging. I can't wait to go in and see my wife and child.

"Wait son" My dad says and pulls a little book out of his jacket pocket. "This is for you"

I look at the little book and sure enough, it's "1001 Dad Jokes"

I tear up instantly.

"I...I.." I stammer.."I'm touched.."

My dad gets the world's biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

"Hi touched...." He pauses for effect.

"I'm Dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/extraflux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Always empty your pockets before washing your clothes...

I hear money laundering is serious business

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourcam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to take my wallet out of my pants before washing them.

Money laundering is illegal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If your wallet goes through the washing machine,

It’s money laundering

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwesomeW2017
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report

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