Dad can I wash the car with you ?

I dunno son, I prefer you use a sponge

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobotPreacher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.

I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally left some money in my jeans as they went through the wash.

I just worry because I know it’s illegal to launder money.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Like8catsbro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally left some AA batteries in my pocket when I put them in the wash

That's what I call clean energy

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcschnazz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.

I think it was Scampoo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was planning to wash the bathroom, but it was getting late

...so she had to scrub it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddrcoder
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I wash the dishes at night after dinner, I use a whole bottle of dishwashing liquid.

Another day, another Dawn.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The sign in the bathroom said β€œemployees must wash hands”.

I waited over two hours for an employee to come in to wash my hands before I washed them myself and went home.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timned88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife hates it when I wash delicates on the casual setting...

She gets too agitated.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a bunch of crows wash up on the beach

Must've been murder suicide

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Why did the gynecologist wash their hands?

Because they were afraid of crotch-contamination.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cassei
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the tree wash his hands?

He had sticky fingers.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimple007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the sailor wash the dishes in his boat?

So that it wooden sink.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nirdle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
-Dad, can I wash the car with you?

-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cray_z8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the best time of day to wash your engine?

Dawn, it's tough on grease.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nano_Jragon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The substance you wash your hair with isn’t made from real feces, it’s fake. You could say it’s sham poo.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/idkwhatevsqwert
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to the restroom in a restaurant and saw a sign that said β€œEmployees must wash hands”

I waited as long as I could but nobody came, so I just washed them myself.

πŸ‘︎ 219
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoopMonster696969
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you call the place where presidents wash thair car ?

Gorge washing ton

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dodo-says-9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you wash clothes at the beach?

With Tide.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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While he was out, my husband text me 'I think I'll run through the car wash on my way home.'

I replied: 'Probably better to drive the car through.'

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkifly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin

but I don't sink sew.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xtowers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife suggested I wash the car with our son

I told her a sponge would be better.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?

When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If you take a shower in the morning, always wash your hair first.

It’ll give you a head start to the day.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
(original joke) So I left a 20 dollar bill in my pants and they went through the wash...

So now I’m wanted for money laundering

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lumber__Zach
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
There's a wash basin with a faucet on your front porch ringing the bell...

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/intricate3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
A salon was fined the other day for using synthetic feces to wash hair...

... they got in trouble for using sham poo.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilkc
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend put my pants in the wash with cash in the pockets.

Me: Baby you know you're a criminal now? Her: What? Why? Me: For money laundering...

Her: Go make sure the door is locked

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeTheMadman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
🚨︎ report
My jeans ran in the wash...

I got my white t-shirt out of the wash and it had turned blue. I told my mum that my jeans had ran in the wash and my dad said "ran where" followed by a massive sigh from me and my mother.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SAW25
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the baker have to wash his hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

My gf isn't impressed either.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vysken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad at the car wash

Driving through the car wash with my dad. Leaving slowly through the rapid dry. Dad turns to me and says "Now that's a blowjob."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mvpete
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
🚨︎ report
There was a sign in the restroom that said employees must wash hands

A guy asked the cashier what is he supposed to do if there's not an employee there to wash his hands...

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wildabeast108
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
🚨︎ report
So I found some money on the wash...

Dad looks over newspaper: Money laundering is illegal.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
🚨︎ report
The car wash.

I've been too busy to go get an emissions test, so while my mom and I went out to run some errands, my dad did that and also filled my tank and took my car through the wash.

Dad: Did you notice anything different about your car?

Me: No.

Dad: I got you a carwash. I heard that the dirt needs to be changed every 6,000 miles.

Edited because I'm a dummy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nogoodverybad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
🚨︎ report
There was a knock at the door this morning, so I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep. I thought,

"I'd better let this sink in."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naptownfellow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I found some money that went through the wash..

...And my dad said, "is that your laundered money?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peeniewiener
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2014
🚨︎ report

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