Duck puns

I may be a goose, but I sure am quackers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_hard_pistachio
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quack

πŸ‘︎ 300
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
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I fed a gorgeous duck the other day

It was breadtaking.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pseudonympholepsy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
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Why don’t ducks like going to restaurants ?

Because they always get the bill.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/James_mc679
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
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Why did the duck cross the road?

To get to Quacker Barrel.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minstral_Meadows
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
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I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..

Guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zurcatnas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
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When ducks are flying south, they fly in a V formation. But one side is always longer. Do you know why?

There's more ducks on that side.

(As told by my father)

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RMiller517
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
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A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink

The bartender asks him how will he be paying. The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snickerdoodlydo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
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I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keeps attacking him.

I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
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I just got back from a long day of duck hunting, so I decided to put my feet up and have my favorite snack.

Cheese and quackers

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/undercover723
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
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I've decided to start making face masks for ducks

Nothing too fancy, but they fit the bill

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turtlegoesboom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
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What does a duck and a homeless person have in common?

They both love quack

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imaginepicklez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
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Duck and Cover!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffbrownnoho
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
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I interrogated a member of the duck gang today.

Thankfully he quacked under the pressure...

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaelp667
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
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What’s a ducks favourite nacho topping?

Quack-amole

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
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Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks!

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sugarmonkeywife
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Why did the duck get arrested?

Because he was selling quack.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunsguy1776
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
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Why the duck got arrested?

Because he was selling Quack

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NothingHereBuddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
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What do you call a duck’s read end?

Buttquack.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dpforest
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
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The other day I saw a duck standing on top of another duck’s head.

I guess I saw a paradox.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Abcruz7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
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What time do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
Why does a duck have tail feathers?

To cover it’s butt-quack.

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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What do you call a crazy duck /r/BadJokesMakeYouGiggle/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thenotsogenius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
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Saw this on a veterinarian billboard: Ducks have feathers...

...to hide their buttquacks!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DitMasterGoGo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
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What kind of drugs do ducks take ?

Quack

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
A local duck was interrogated by police for hours.

A spokesperson for the police said "Eventually he quacked under pressure".

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven until its Bill Withers.

(A tribute to Bill - RIP)

πŸ‘︎ 396
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkskiez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
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I have a joke about ducks.

Nvm I don't think it would quack you up.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raijin_Thundergod
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?

Put it on my bill.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
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A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for the check.

Duck billed Platypus.

πŸ‘︎ 254
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
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I was having a good day until I stopped to pet a duck in the park....

Now I'm feeling a little down.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arege_arege
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
I saw a duck at my local rehab center.

I asked and he said he’s there because he’s a recovering quack addict.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-real-Mr-Toast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What does a duck say to the drug dealer

He says β€œwhere’s the quack”.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theBAFFFFFFFFF69
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
What do you call a rapping duck?

A Drake.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DM_venture
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
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I think I have an abnormal addiction to ducks...

My wife says I'm a quack head

*My son, a dad of a 3yr old, made this up when I told him a dad joke from this sub. He has achieved full dadness

Edit: typo

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/traceywashere
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
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I poured some water over a duck's back yesterday.

He didn't care.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
What's a duck's Favorite Drug

Quack

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im9999999999
πŸ“…︎ May 18
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What did the duck say to the bartender?

Put it on my bill.

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πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
What’s a duck’s favorite food?

Quackers

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_piech_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
In the climax of a duck movie you suddenly hear cluck-cluck-cluck

Plot chickens

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 30
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What do you call a bunch of ducks in a box?

A box of quackers.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigDavesRant
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Duck fart

My daughter just looked at me funny when I farted next to her on the couch. She said it sounded like a duck. I replied with "Obviously, it came from my buttquack."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZRO316
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
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Did you hear about the problems the ducks in Detroit are having?

There's a huge quack epidemic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeple2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
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I can't take my dog to the park without all the ducks attacking him

I shouldn't have gotten a pure bread.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcerk02
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
How do duck dads entertain their eggs?

With dad yokes

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
How does a duck fart?

With it's ass quack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theimpaler1208
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
What's the worst part about a duck doctor?

His bill.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FresnelFaro
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks have tail feathers?

To cover up their butt quack

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ May 10
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What is something that a drug addict and a duck does?

quack

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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What did porky pig say to Daffy duck?

You quack me up!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heariam7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
3 ducks

3 ducks in a boat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chriscat5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
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I’m not sure if I trust Dr. Duck.

He might be a quack!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
You'll never guess where my pet duck was sitting

On his butt-quack

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Payasin70
πŸ“…︎ May 03
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What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?

Put it on my bill.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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[Tribute to the singer/songwriter who passed away today] How do you turn a duck into a soul musician?

Put it in the microwave until its bill withers.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aaaaaidan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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Did you hear about the queen cover band consisting of ducks?

They do most queen songs but they don't quack under pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglyoldbob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call a duck on ecstasy

A Quackhead

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Random_Potatoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
what you you call a duck with a Ph. D. ?

a Ductor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirFancii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why, but there’s just something about a duck sitting on the roof of a house that makes me mad and makes me laugh, too

This morning there were two, I was quite conflicted. it was a real paradux.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cgvt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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I broke up with my girlfriend because she is obsessed with North American aquatic birds that resemble large ducks when swimming...

She's too loony!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
I love ducks.

Guess you can say I’m a β€œquack” addict.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MEmeZy123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
I decided to leave my strict, religious Pennsylvanian community to raise ducks. When I told my father, he said "Son, you have a choice"

You can either be a Quaker, or a Quacker.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fischerkidd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

RIP buddy...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
I think the ducks in our pond need help

They’re addicted to quack

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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What do you call an exploding duck?

A firequacker

πŸ‘︎ 392
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Duck farts
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axiom_117
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I was walking pasta farm and a sign said "Duck,Eggs"

I thought-"that's an unnecessary comma-then it hit me"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilCuntBoyXD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
Any Sri Lankans, what do you called a French duck thats sick?

.

.

.Le Duck

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ambitious_Stock
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the duck family take in the orphaned cygnet

β€˜Swan more mouth to feed

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juicymayo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
TV Narrator* This is a mallard. A mallard is a dabbling duck that breeds throughout the world. This one is in search of a mate. A female will lay 8 to 13 eggs.

Duckumentary

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odd-looking
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
What does the duck spread its cheese on?

Quackers.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadofTamzin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
Making statues of ducks is so difficult.

You have to grout all the quacks.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExaltedBEECloud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
Ducks really cannot handle being stressed out

They quack under pressure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/metalsgt90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
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πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daywalk3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
DUCK AND COVER!!
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReaper22YT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the FBI search the duck

Because he was a known quack dealer

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DSHeckingL
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I need duck puns

I’m going to be a duck for holloween I need some duck puns please help

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ducks-Are-Betterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I need duck puns for the love of god

plz

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TAmaL3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I need as many duck puns as you guys can give me.

My marketing class is doing a fundraiser for the girls basketball team and it involves chucking rubber ducks.

The event is called chuck a duck and I need as many punny ideas to photoshop into posters as possible.

Also historic events that replace people with rubber ducks helps too.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzyblackyeti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
🚨︎ report
I need duck puns! Right now! Please help!
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalcoFear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.

Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anshbob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
Why did the duck get arrested?

Because he was on quack

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honeybadger69420
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for his check.

Duck billed platypus.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He has a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed Platypus.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
I can't take my dog to the pond any more, the ducks keep attacking him.

I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?

Put it on my bill.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
I can't take my dog to the pond for exercise because the ducks keep attacking him

That's what you get for buying a pure bread dog

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?

Put it on my bill!!

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
Why was the duck arrested?

It was selling quack.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomLemon10
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report

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