Duck puns

I may be a goose, but I sure am quackers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_hard_pistachio
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
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A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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What does a subatomic duck say?

Quark!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
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What do you call a duck that steals?

A robber ducky.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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What’s a duck’s favourite drug?

Quack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaunUgLee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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Looks like I have all my ducks in a row
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyCatSkits
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Propmaster ducks out with 3 puns in succession youtu.be/xl89HhusW4c?t=35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Syllogism19
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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What do you call a duck that's high on drugs

A quackhead

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/its_boogeyman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Why did the police officer arrest a duck?

The duck was selling quack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWolfman29
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Why did the duck have to attend rehab?

He was a quack head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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I won't let my daughter near ducks...

Due to their fowl language

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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What kind of drugs do ducks do?

Ans: >!Quack!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Midnight1938
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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What happens when you unintentionally step on a duck

A quackcident

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metaldom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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it's day 22 of drawing puns for inktober. Duck tape
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aesewiii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. β€œHey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”

Because the chicken had the day off.

Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.

Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EagleTG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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I want to get a pet duck

But I’m broke and I hear they come with a huge bill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Daffy Duck went to Porky Pig’s house. When he arrived he used the bathroom, but there wasn’t any toilet paper. Daffy yelled for Porky and Porky replied:

Bidet bidet bidet, that’s all folks.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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What do you get when you hit a duck on the freeway?

A quack in the windscreen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatostomach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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What does a debt collector say when complimenting a duck?

β€œYou have an outstanding bill!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Why don't ducks tell jokes while they're flying?

Because they would quack up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/milsificent
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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When ducks fly in a V one side is always longer. Do you know the reason?

More ducks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SimplisticAnswer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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What do you call a duck with one eye?

A dick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatostomach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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They tried to make a diamond shaped like a duck

But it quacked under pressure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Life Pro Tip ~ Don't ever put ducks in a cement mixer because…

You'll get quacks in the pavement!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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What do ducks smoke?

Quack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Why does a duck have tail feathers?

To cover it's butt quack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SunnySideUp145
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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No matter how many times she tried, Sherlock Holmes' wife could never convince him to grow fond of her pet duck.

He was a master of the duck shun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patricosuave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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If you watch a movie about ducks...

Is it called a duckumentary?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/W33MAN01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Bought a new muzzle for my pet duck the other day.

Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night...

The bill was huge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Where do royal British ducks live?

In Duckingham Palace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pol_Ice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What’s a duck’s favorite breakfast food?

Quacker oats

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I got home from work angry and tired, so I asked my wife if she could make turkey and duck for dinner.

I was in a fowl mood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Claytonjdawson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Why was the duck so tired?

He woke up at the quack of dawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Why do ducks have feathers??

To cover up their butt qwack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBrothaScott
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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Why is one side longer then the other when ducks fly in a V?

Because there’s more ducks on that side

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanpatrick2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What happens before a tsunami of ducks

An earthquack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Why do ducks hate eating out with friends?

They always get stuck with the bill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I sold a couple ducks today

Pond em right off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Durdythurty
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Why did the duck got into jail?

For selling quack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/19olo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DINC44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Even if Autocorrect changes "Fuck" to "Duck"...

...Its still considered fowl language

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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What is a duck's favorites snack ?

Quackers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What do you call a duck that won’t shut up?

A quack addict.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tibbymat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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I need duck puns

I’m going to be a duck for holloween I need some duck puns please help

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ducks-Are-Betterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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I need duck puns for the love of god

plz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TAmaL3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
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I need duck puns! Right now! Please help!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalcoFear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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I need as many duck puns as you guys can give me.

My marketing class is doing a fundraiser for the girls basketball team and it involves chucking rubber ducks.

The event is called chuck a duck and I need as many punny ideas to photoshop into posters as possible.

Also historic events that replace people with rubber ducks helps too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzyblackyeti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
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What does a subatomic duck say?

Quark!

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for the check.

Duck billed Platypus.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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