Give me your best duck puns

I live for them, they quack me up. Give me what y'all got >:)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HartzelloS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Duck puns

I may be a goose, but I sure am quackers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_hard_pistachio
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
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A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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What does a subatomic duck say?

Quark!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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What do you call a duck that steals?

A robber ducky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Looks like I have all my ducks in a row
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyCatSkits
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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What’s a duck’s favourite drug?

Quack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaunUgLee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Even though I'm an avid duck and goose hunter, I don't own any calls.

My wife doesn't want me using fowl language.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Propmaster ducks out with 3 puns in succession youtu.be/xl89HhusW4c?t=35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Syllogism19
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Why did the police officer arrest a duck?

The duck was selling quack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWolfman29
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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What do you call a duck that's high on drugs

A quackhead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/its_boogeyman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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How does a duck swim from one side of the pond to the other?

Very Quackly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Why did the duck have to attend rehab?

He was a quack head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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What kind of drugs do ducks do?

Ans: >!Quack!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Midnight1938
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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I won't let my daughter near ducks...

Due to their fowl language

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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What happens when you unintentionally step on a duck

A quackcident

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metaldom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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it's day 22 of drawing puns for inktober. Duck tape
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aesewiii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. β€œHey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”

Because the chicken had the day off.

Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.

Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EagleTG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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A duck walks into a bar

and orders a drink, then a little while after he finished that drink he ordered another and he accidentally drops the glass containing the drink and he says to the waitress put it on my bill, so the waitress begins to grab the glass shards that were on the ground and carefully placed them on the ducks bill and the duck asks what are you doing and the waitress says I’m putting it on your bill and the duck sarcastically says ohhhh you really quack me up and the waitress says oh I'm sorry did I ruffle your feathers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-awsome-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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I want to get a pet duck

But I’m broke and I hear they come with a huge bill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Daffy Duck went to Porky Pig’s house. When he arrived he used the bathroom, but there wasn’t any toilet paper. Daffy yelled for Porky and Porky replied:

Bidet bidet bidet, that’s all folks.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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What does a debt collector say when complimenting a duck?

β€œYou have an outstanding bill!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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What do you get when you hit a duck on the freeway?

A quack in the windscreen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatostomach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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When ducks fly in a V one side is always longer. Do you know the reason?

More ducks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SimplisticAnswer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Why don't ducks tell jokes while they're flying?

Because they would quack up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/milsificent
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What do you call a duck with one eye?

A dick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatostomach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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They tried to make a diamond shaped like a duck

But it quacked under pressure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Why does a duck have tail feathers?

To cover it's butt quack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SunnySideUp145
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Life Pro Tip ~ Don't ever put ducks in a cement mixer because…

You'll get quacks in the pavement!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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If you watch a movie about ducks...

Is it called a duckumentary?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/W33MAN01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Bought a new muzzle for my pet duck the other day.

Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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No matter how many times she tried, Sherlock Holmes' wife could never convince him to grow fond of her pet duck.

He was a master of the duck shun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patricosuave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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I got home from work angry and tired, so I asked my wife if she could make turkey and duck for dinner.

I was in a fowl mood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Claytonjdawson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Why do ducks have feathers??

To cover up their butt qwack

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBrothaScott
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a duck’s favorite breakfast food?

Quacker oats

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Where do royal British ducks live?

In Duckingham Palace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pol_Ice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the duck so tired?

He woke up at the quack of dawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night...

The bill was huge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What happens before a tsunami of ducks

An earthquack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I sold a couple ducks today

Pond em right off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Durdythurty
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Why do ducks hate eating out with friends?

They always get stuck with the bill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Why did the duck got into jail?

For selling quack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/19olo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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I need duck puns

I’m going to be a duck for holloween I need some duck puns please help

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ducks-Are-Betterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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I need duck puns for the love of god

plz

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TAmaL3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I need as many duck puns as you guys can give me.

My marketing class is doing a fundraiser for the girls basketball team and it involves chucking rubber ducks.

The event is called chuck a duck and I need as many punny ideas to photoshop into posters as possible.

Also historic events that replace people with rubber ducks helps too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzyblackyeti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
🚨︎ report
What does a subatomic duck say?

Quark!

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do ducks smoke?

Quack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is one side longer then the other when ducks fly in a V?

Because there’s more ducks on that side

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanpatrick2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for the check.

Duck billed Platypus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I need duck puns! Right now! Please help!
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalcoFear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
🚨︎ report

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