Dad can I wash the car with you ?
I dunno son, I prefer you use a sponge
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
I accidentally left some money in my jeans as they went through the wash.
I just worry because I know itβs illegal to launder money.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
I accidentally left some AA batteries in my pocket when I put them in the wash
That's what I call clean energy
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
I cook my food by myself, wash my dishes by myself, and tidy my house myself.
One can say that I am 'self-maid'
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
Just going to have to wash my hands off this one!
π︎ 62
π
︎ Jun 17 2020
I donβt wash my ass
Because I donβt let shit bother me
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
π︎ 30
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
If you ever have to cancel plans with friends your excuse should be that you have to wash your hair in a lukewarm shower with high quality dandruff shampoo.
At least that way your friends can never call you flakey.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 23 2020
What do orca whales at sea world use to wash themselves?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
When you gotta make Music at 8 but wash Money at 10
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 19 2020
Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.
It's difficult for them to stay in sink.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 12 2020
I sold my washing machine last week because i had a $20 bill in my last wash
I didnt want to be caught money laundering
π︎ 285
π
︎ Feb 08 2020
I got in a fender bender at a car wash
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
My wife was planning to wash the bathroom, but it was getting late
...so she had to scrub it.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 23 2020
Every time I wash the dishes at night after dinner, I use a whole bottle of dishwashing liquid.
Another day, another Dawn.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
The sign in the bathroom said βemployees must wash handsβ.
I waited over two hours for an employee to come in to wash my hands before I washed them myself and went home.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 19 2020
Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
My wife hates it when I wash delicates on the casual setting...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 16 2020
Saw a bunch of crows wash up on the beach
Must've been murder suicide
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
In an alternate universe, thereβs probably a sentient kitchen wash basin knocking at your front door. Let that sink in,
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 02 2019
HHH'S car wash
π︎ 121
π
︎ Sep 19 2019
What does Craig David announce when he does a pyjama wash?
"This one goes out to all the P-P-Js"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 12 2020
Why did the gynecologist wash their hands?
Because they were afraid of crotch-contamination.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 21 2020
How does a mermaid wash their tail?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 07 2020
Uh...... Do I need to wash my eyes if I touch them
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 21 2019
Why did the tree wash his hands?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 07 2019
Do you know why eskimos wash their clothes in tide?
Because it's too cold out tide (outside)
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 24 2019
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Oct 05 2019
Why did the sailor wash the dishes in his boat?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 04 2020
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
Itβs not real poo, itβs a sham poo.
π︎ 105
π
︎ Jul 31 2019
Wash them
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
How do they wash laundry in Bangkok?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
-Dad, can I wash the car with you?
-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?
π︎ 125
π
︎ Nov 14 2018
What's the best time of day to wash your engine?
Dawn, it's tough on grease.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Aug 05 2019
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
π︎ 45
π
︎ Apr 14 2020
How do mermaids wash their clothes?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.
It's hard for them to stay in sink.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 05 2020
There was a knock at the door this morning, so I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep. I thought,
"I'd better let this sink in."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 28 2019
Why does Santa wash his clothes in Tide?
Because itβs too cold outtide.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 10 2019
Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in tide?
Because itβs too cold out tide
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
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