From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......

Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.

Well played, boy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What type of math equation do you need to do to wipe your butt?

Multi-ply

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kasegauner
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 747
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do Scottish people use to wipe after using the bathroom?

Kilted Northern

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DaddySharkDownUnder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"

" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tjeters
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
You can always tell how good a dad is, by how many baby wipes they use

3 wipes: rookie dad, hasn't figured it out yet

2 wipes: getting there, but still a noob

1 wipe: master dad

0 wipes: not a very good dad.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
An avalanche has started on Mount Everest that threatens to wipe out 20% of its surrounding area.

This is snow joke.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/a9lex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do blind people wipe their butts?

With toilet paper, like everyone else!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/j0hnk50
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The question was: "How do people with extremely long fake nails properly wipe their butts after pooping? Saw someone struggling to type on their phone today with those bad boys"
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Capt Kirk use wet wipes?

Klingons.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My colleague invented a machine that would steal other people’s ideas, and wipe them off the subject’s memory.

Why didn’t I think of that?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I always wipe my mouth before I lie down.

I'm nap-kin.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/figarojew
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What did pharaohs use to wipe?

Poo-pyrus

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_white_jay_z
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the ass.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Khacks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.

Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you wipe your derrier with a Sham Wow?

Shampoo

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/3ternalz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2016
🚨︎ report
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 59
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trickstro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Which hand do you wipe with?

'Cause, I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nala_TheDisneyFeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What hand do you wipe with?

Ugghhhh I use toilet paper.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Peter108
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.