Imagine if Aladdin took place in Italy and when he finally finds the lamp and gives it a good rub, out pops...

The Chicken Fettugenie!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GIGA255
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04
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I get most of my news as a cream that I rub on my skin

It is pretty topical.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Samwyzh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14
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Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?

They have no balls to scratch

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mohammad5271
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 06
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A truck of Vicks vapor rub crashed on the highway...

Luckily there was no traffic congestion...

Humbly submitted, Dad

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bradb717
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 16
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My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin, to draw out excess moisture....

WOW....I'm cured.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I decided to rub ketchup in my eyes

In Heinz sight it wasnโ€™t a good idea

๐Ÿ‘︎ 139
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LarryLones
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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You know how when you find a Genie's lamp, you're supposed to rub it?

Does that mean when you find a Frog's lamp, you Ribbit?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Silly--Cybin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Why did the kid rub herbs on his scraped knee?

Because his Dad told him thyme heals all wounds.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JPHarrison007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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A truck carrying Vicks vapor rub overturned on the highway.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for 8 hours.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DalinarxBlackthorn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Don't rub avocado in your eyes.

You might get guacoma.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/usernamesarethebane
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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Iโ€™ve been prescribed anti-gloating cream... I can't wait to rub it in!
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cotswoldboy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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Dad: *Rubs couch* "Is this satin?"

Mom: "It's clearly not."

Dad: Sits down "It is now!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lWoooooOl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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What do you get when you rub two oranges together?

Pulp friction

๐Ÿ‘︎ 619
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xXJiveturkeyXx
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.โ€
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ruchi565
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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I think my towel has a crush on me because whenever I rub it on me it gets wet
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lightningmicrowave
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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I keep a little rug on the passenger seat. It keeps me company while Iโ€™m driving and I give it a rub from time to time.

Itโ€™s my car pet.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/procrastiprov
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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Henry rubs a magical lamp, a Genie pops out and grants him 3 wishes

Genie: What will your wish be?

Henry: I want to be rich

Genie: Of course, your wish is granted. What will you second wish be?

Rich: I want a lot of money...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/baino39
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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If I rub my son with a chunk of beef, does he become a cowboy?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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What do you call a sexist back rub?

Massage-ony

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/patsalem
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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I can't rub my beautiful ass anymore

It ran away

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yokato723
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Some strippers rub me the wrong way.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DisRuptive1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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I got fired for giving a back rub to a psychic.

They don't tolerate massage-a-mystic behavior.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Omny87
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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Wife was headed out to get a back rub so I says

Have a spawesome time. Wonder if sheโ€™ll come back.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MBTAHole
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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Don't rub your bare ear against someone elses

You might get hearing aids

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pun420
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2017
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*Jasmine rubs a magic lamp* "Who are you?" "Princess Jasmine." "Then why dress like a whore?" "WTF! Aren't you a genie?"

I am misogyny.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/v_cleaner
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 01 2015
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You don't have to be a bad person to rub me the wrong way.

You just have to be a bad masseuse.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/spruce_sprucerton
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
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A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mykeuk
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 11 2017
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Asked my wife if she would like a foot rub..

Emphatically, she says "Yes! That would be nice!"

So I rubbed my foot on her back ๐Ÿ’

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tj_xraybanvision
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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GF this morning: *Rubs my face* I have an eyelash

Me: yes, and you've got many more

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/arrederre
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2016
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Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they have no balls to scratch

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/imkindaspiffy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 06
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Why does my wife rub her eyes when she wakes up?

Because she has no balls to scratch

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mitalily
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01
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A toad says ribbit ribbit, a horny toad says rub it rub it
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/harley11111
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.โ€
๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FunnyGenious
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
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