Imagine if Aladdin took place in Italy and when he finally finds the lamp and gives it a good rub, out pops...
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︎ May 04 2021
I get most of my news as a cream that I rub on my skin
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
They have no balls to scratch
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︎ Mar 06 2021
A truck of Vicks vapor rub crashed on the highway...
Luckily there was no traffic congestion...
Humbly submitted,
Dad
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︎ Jan 16 2021
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin, to draw out excess moisture....
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I decided to rub ketchup in my eyes
In Heinz sight it wasnโt a good idea
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︎ Aug 19 2020
You know how when you find a Genie's lamp, you're supposed to rub it?
Does that mean when you find a Frog's lamp, you Ribbit?
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︎ Dec 12 2020
Why did the kid rub herbs on his scraped knee?
Because his Dad told him thyme heals all wounds.
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︎ Aug 20 2020
A truck carrying Vicks vapor rub overturned on the highway.
Amazingly, there was no congestion for 8 hours.
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︎ Mar 07 2020
Don't rub avocado in your eyes.
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︎ Feb 16 2018
Iโve been prescribed anti-gloating cream... I can't wait to rub it in!
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︎ Sep 23 2019
Dad: *Rubs couch* "Is this satin?"
Mom: "It's clearly not."
Dad: Sits down "It is now!"
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︎ Nov 08 2018
What do you get when you rub two oranges together?
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︎ Jun 03 2018
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.โ
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︎ Oct 14 2019
I think my towel has a crush on me because whenever I rub it on me it gets wet
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︎ Sep 16 2019
I keep a little rug on the passenger seat. It keeps me company while Iโm driving and I give it a rub from time to time.
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︎ Apr 13 2019
Henry rubs a magical lamp, a Genie pops out and grants him 3 wishes
Genie: What will your wish be?
Henry: I want to be rich
Genie: Of course, your wish is granted. What will you second wish be?
Rich: I want a lot of money...
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︎ Aug 20 2018
If I rub my son with a chunk of beef, does he become a cowboy?
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︎ Aug 07 2018
What do you call a sexist back rub?
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︎ Apr 25 2019
I can't rub my beautiful ass anymore
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︎ Jun 03 2019
Some strippers rub me the wrong way.
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︎ Apr 19 2018
I got fired for giving a back rub to a psychic.
They don't tolerate massage-a-mystic behavior.
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︎ Apr 26 2016
Wife was headed out to get a back rub so I says
Have a spawesome time. Wonder if sheโll come back.
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︎ Oct 06 2018
Don't rub your bare ear against someone elses
You might get hearing aids
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︎ Sep 17 2017
*Jasmine rubs a magic lamp* "Who are you?" "Princess Jasmine." "Then why dress like a whore?" "WTF! Aren't you a genie?"
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︎ Nov 01 2015
You don't have to be a bad person to rub me the wrong way.
You just have to be a bad masseuse.
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︎ Mar 26 2017
A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.
The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.
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︎ May 11 2017
Asked my wife if she would like a foot rub..
Emphatically, she says "Yes! That would be nice!"
So I rubbed my foot on her back ๐
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︎ Jan 03 2018
GF this morning: *Rubs my face* I have an eyelash
Me: yes, and you've got many more
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︎ Jan 30 2016
Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they have no balls to scratch
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︎ Mar 06 2021
Why does my wife rub her eyes when she wakes up?
Because she has no balls to scratch
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︎ Jan 01 2021
A toad says ribbit ribbit, a horny toad says rub it rub it
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︎ Mar 04 2019
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.โ
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︎ Dec 27 2017
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