My wife claims that vacuum cleaners are always better for cleaning than a brush.

I said, β€œThat’s a sweeping generalization.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
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Ghandi spent a lot of time walking through the desert, so his feet hurt and he was always thirsty and weak. It's also very hard to brush your teeth in the desert.

He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
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I brush after every meal

And the dentist thinks my hair is lovely

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
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My wife to our son, "Go brush your teeth with your sister"

Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Soter_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...

Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
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My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-

We all have our floss.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
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Her: Obviously, everyone prefers to use a vacuum cleaner to a brush.

Me: Isn’t that.....a sweeping generalization?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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If you want to know what a magician uses to brush his teeth...

...just wait until bed time, Oral-B revealed.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ron_mcphatty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
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Southern (US) dadjoke: Better brush ya teeth afore ya wind up with summer teeth!

Daughter: What are summer teeth?

Me: Well. Summer there. But some ain't.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
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The best time to brush your teeth

Two-th dirty

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AntiSubSonic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
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My toothpaste fell off the brush and into the sink

I'm crestfallen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJoker1988
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Tooth brush
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NigGorilla666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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How do you know the tooth brush was invented by rednecks?

Anyone else would of called it a teethbrush.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supermndahippie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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True story: my daughter was playing a pet-salon game on her iPad and said to me: "Hey dad, I've just worked out that if you just brush their teeth over and over you get experience points faster." To which I replied: "You shouldn't grind your teeth."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowfax1138
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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I recently bought a new toilet brush.

It's safe to say I'm going back to toilet paper.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jack_j93
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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My friend Lara always borrows my hair brush without my permission.

She's a comb raider.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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I will be a dad in a month. Is it required for me to tell these or brush up on my humor paradigm?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lightningcrane31
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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Saw someone driving last night after a snow storm and they didnt brush of their headlights….

Let me just say...they weren't too bright.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spidy123
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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What happened when Odin didn't brush his teeth?

He got valhallatosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AntidoteYYMBR
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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What happens when you don’t brush your anus?

You get an anal cavity!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drewowen_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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Why should you brush your teeth after kissing a ginger?

If you don't, you might get gingervitus

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snappedginger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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What did the artist say , after painting a picture using the thinnest brush he coud find?

This is fine.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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I can brush my teeth and whistle at the same time

He then proceeds to take out his dentures, brushes them and whistles.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Puhlz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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Man decides to try out a new toilet brush found on sale.

A couple days later he went back to paper.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SketchyBrush
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
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What do you use to brush your teeth, to sleep on, and to sit on?

A toothbrush, a bed, and a chair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xkcloud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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My wife was helping brush my sons teeth when

My wife was helping brush my sons teeth when he turned his head and she accidentally got tooth paste on his nose. He looked into the mirror and said excitedly, "Mom, I look like I'm Bluedolph the reindeer". I knew there was more than one reason I keep this kid around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/basotl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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[Long] a brush with death

Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spartan-44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
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There is a brush burning ban in my area. Wild fires.

Does this mean I can still burn combs and hair picks?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
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Gandhi walked the desert with no shoes, no food, and no tooth brush, my friend had the nerve to say.

I guess he was a super-calloused-fragile-mystic-fraught-with-halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SvmaHaus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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Where you might store your brush imgur.com/3SNTUtj
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Christophoro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2017
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I heard that people used to brush their teeth with pig bristles...

...but I think that's hogwash.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mechaxis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2013
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husband: Dear, did you notice? I bought a new toilet brush.

wife: Yes i did, but i still prefer the toilet paper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegrape-gatsby
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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Sister said she was giving the dog a brush today

Dad immediately goes "Is that when he was helping you with some painting?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jc_croft1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
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I told my dad I needed to run to the Art Store to get a detail brush.

"Detail?! I thought that was what you grab a cat by"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingvitaman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2013
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My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day

My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"

He's advancing so quickly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa-Dam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
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You don't have to brush all your teeth...

Only the ones you want to keep.

*happily, at 5, my daughter is still young enough to appreciate this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungrycaterpillar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
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Wife: "I used that tooth brush without even carin' ".

Me: "Well I used it without even Susan, so I think our marriage is OK."

... I didn't even pause. What the hell has happened to me?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thaen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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