I was brushing my daughter’s teeth...

My five year old daughter had a blue colored sucker before bed. As I was brushing her teeth, I noticed they were a bit discolored.

β€œHey! You’ve got Bluetooth!” I said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byrd107
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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I decided to stop brushing my hair.

I adopted a Laissez-hair policy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Callmecaesar1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Got my daughter this morning while brushing her hair.

"Looks like your hair made it on the knotty list."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xelobain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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My dad was brushing my dog outside.

It was pretty hot so my dog as his tongue out. A little boy and his mother was passing by and the kid go "hey this is a beautiful dog but why does it have black spot on his tongue ?" and then my dad answer "Oh it's because he ate a pencil when he was a puppy". The kid totally bought it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harry5519
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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Brushing Up on Dad Jokes

My wife is currently pregnant with our first so I've been practicing.

My cousin, his friend and I were target shooting yesterday and swapping stories.

My cousin asks his friend, "Do you remember that time we shot the fence and it came back?" (He meant a ricochet.)

I responded with, "Wow, then it must have really loved you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vunterslaush825
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
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What do Italians brush their teeth with?

Pesto:)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iruny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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A Brush with Death
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πŸ‘€︎ u/butlerbert23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?

A Honeycomb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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My wife to our son, "Go brush your teeth with your sister"

Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Soter_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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Whale played.
πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Daughter, 6, getting her hair brushed this morning: β€œDad, I need a new bum”

Me, eyebrow raised: β€œAnd why is that sweetheart?”

Her: β€œBecause mine has a crack in it!”

I actually laughed. I don’t really know where she heard the joke or if she even knows why it’s funny, but it’s a good start to the day.

Proud dad moment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/azureal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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My wife claims that vacuum cleaners are always better for cleaning than a brush.

I said, β€œThat’s a sweeping generalization.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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Ghandi spent a lot of time walking through the desert, so his feet hurt and he was always thirsty and weak. It's also very hard to brush your teeth in the desert.

He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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I brush after every meal

And the dentist thinks my hair is lovely

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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-

We all have our floss.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...

Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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I hate dentists.

Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pokebandit91
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Her: Obviously, everyone prefers to use a vacuum cleaner to a brush.

Me: Isn’t that.....a sweeping generalization?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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If you want to know what a magician uses to brush his teeth...

...just wait until bed time, Oral-B revealed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ron_mcphatty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed?

He puts his pajamazon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ace1986
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Southern (US) dadjoke: Better brush ya teeth afore ya wind up with summer teeth!

Daughter: What are summer teeth?

Me: Well. Summer there. But some ain't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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Tooth brush
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NigGorilla666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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The best time to brush your teeth

Two-th dirty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AntiSubSonic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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My toothpaste fell off the brush and into the sink

I'm crestfallen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJoker1988
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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"Sorry I'm late" said the broom

"I over swept"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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How do you know the tooth brush was invented by rednecks?

Anyone else would of called it a teethbrush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supermndahippie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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Do you know why they banned those red coloring dental tablets that revealed where you hadn’t brushed your teeth properly?

Because every time your dentist gave them to you she dyed a little inside!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarynxm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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The old man would be proud

My oldest this morning as he brushed by me on the way to the bathroom:

β€œI have to take a pee”

Me:

β€œWhy don’t you leave one instead?”

The look I got: β€œπŸ€¨β€

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TTBoy44
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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True story: my daughter was playing a pet-salon game on her iPad and said to me: "Hey dad, I've just worked out that if you just brush their teeth over and over you get experience points faster." To which I replied: "You shouldn't grind your teeth."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowfax1138
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I bought a toilet brush last week

On reflection I'd rather use paper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFC-Wilson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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My friend Lara always borrows my hair brush without my permission.

She's a comb raider.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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I will be a dad in a month. Is it required for me to tell these or brush up on my humor paradigm?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lightningcrane31
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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I recently bought a new toilet brush.

It's safe to say I'm going back to toilet paper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jack_j93
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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Saw someone driving last night after a snow storm and they didnt brush of their headlights….

Let me just say...they weren't too bright.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spidy123
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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What happened when Odin didn't brush his teeth?

He got valhallatosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AntidoteYYMBR
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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What happens when you don’t brush your anus?

You get an anal cavity!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drewowen_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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I can brush my teeth and whistle at the same time

He then proceeds to take out his dentures, brushes them and whistles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Puhlz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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I am going to open a paint studio with the Grim Reaper.

I am going to call it Brush With Death

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Why should you brush your teeth after kissing a ginger?

If you don't, you might get gingervitus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snappedginger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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What did the artist say , after painting a picture using the thinnest brush he coud find?

This is fine.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Tennessee?

If it had been invented any where else it would be called a teeth brush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BKFKHC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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