My five year old daughter had a blue colored sucker before bed. As I was brushing her teeth, I noticed they were a bit discolored.
“Hey! You’ve got Bluetooth!” I said.
I adopted a Laissez-hair policy
"Looks like your hair made it on the knotty list."
It was pretty hot so my dog as his tongue out. A little boy and his mother was passing by and the kid go "hey this is a beautiful dog but why does it have black spot on his tongue ?" and then my dad answer "Oh it's because he ate a pencil when he was a puppy". The kid totally bought it.
My wife is currently pregnant with our first so I've been practicing.
My cousin, his friend and I were target shooting yesterday and swapping stories.
My cousin asks his friend, "Do you remember that time we shot the fence and it came back?" (He meant a ricochet.)
I responded with, "Wow, then it must have really loved you."
A Honeycomb.
Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".
Me, eyebrow raised: “And why is that sweetheart?”
Her: “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I actually laughed. I don’t really know where she heard the joke or if she even knows why it’s funny, but it’s a good start to the day.
Proud dad moment.
I said, “That’s a sweeping generalization.”
He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
And the dentist thinks my hair is lovely
We all have our floss.
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Me: Isn’t that.....a sweeping generalization?
He just can’t part with it.
...just wait until bed time, Oral-B revealed.
He puts his pajamazon
Daughter: What are summer teeth?
Me: Well. Summer there. But some ain't.
I'm crestfallen.
Anyone else would of called it a teethbrush.
Because every time your dentist gave them to you she dyed a little inside!
My oldest this morning as he brushed by me on the way to the bathroom:
“I have to take a pee”
Me:
“Why don’t you leave one instead?”
The look I got: “🤨”
- Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
- Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
- Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.
[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition
This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.
The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.
The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.
On reflection I'd rather use paper.
She's a comb raider.
It's safe to say I'm going back to toilet paper.
Let me just say...they weren't too bright.
He got valhallatosis.
You get an anal cavity!
He then proceeds to take out his dentures, brushes them and whistles.
I am going to call it Brush With Death
If you don't, you might get gingervitus
This is fine.
