I need help for a project! What are your best puns that have anything to do with wood?
"Can I axe you a question?"
"I wood stay longer, but I have to leaf now"
EDIT: another one: "birch please!"
They followed the psycho path
She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”
The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
Whittle by whittle
A man once built a bike all of wood. Wooden frame, wooden wheels, wooden motor, even wooden gas tank.
Did he ever ride it? No, because it wooden start!
but I am going to branch off to different jokes and leaf you alone.
It's true. I saw it with my own eyes.
To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.
One says, “We’re saved! We can ask him for directions!” His friend, however, had a somber expression on his face. “Doesn’t something seem off to you about this man?” he replies, gesturing to the figure lying prostrate on the road before them. “What do you mean?” said the first, confusion splayed across his features. “I mean we can’t trust a thing he says. He’s a pathological lier.”
"This is a stick up!"
We are now a heavy metal church.
We will be introducing Black Sabbath to our worship set soon.
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Because it’s a non-stick pan...
The lumberjack responded, “And you will dialogue.”
I used a non-stick pan.
It means my illegal logging business is a success
He has hives.
A dear hunter.
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!
“Not too sure. Let me check the logs.”
It was unbearable to watch
She wanted to open a shavings account.
Because it wooden go.
I said, “Faux sho.”
and I like my Corona without Lyme.
I thought to myself, that'd hurt, wooden tit?
You saw-dust. (There were exaggerated winks after. And a elbow to the ribs. It was glorious)
Edit: thanks for the love: My kid asked me if I was gonna share it on Facebook. I don’t use Facebook so I said I’d share it here. He’s practicing his jokes, he said, so he can be a good big brother. He’s got a corny sense of humor and loves a good dad joke.
For the couple of you who think I pimped his joke for Karma, look outward to that speck of light in your dark life. That light is your asshole. Go that way to remove your head from from it.
They take the psycho path.
Cause of death ruled Axe-idental
After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.
.. Would they be called Kenny Log Inns?
I guess I got the wouldn't glue instead.
You could carve large ones or small ones, any size you want. Wooden tit be nice?
-credit to u/poopondogs
It was a lumber jack
He said, “Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Suddenly one of them spots tracks.
"Deer tracks" says the first hunter.
"Moose tracks, I know moose tracks when I see them" says the other hunter.
They keep arguing over the type of tracks they're looking at, until they get run over by a train.
Oh, that hewn manatee!
I was just trying to spruce things up
I only know a whittle.
Totally nailed it.
Spruce Willis (Bruce Willis)
Matthew Mahogany (Matthew Maconahay? Tell me how to spell it)
Mirk Russel (Kurt Russel)
Clint Oakwood (Clint Eastwood)
Benedict Lumberthatch (Benedict Cumberbatch)
Ashwood Kutcher (Ashton Kutcher)
Birch Reynolds (Bert Reynolds)
Russel Branch (Russel Brand)
Dwayne "The Log" Johnson (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson)
"This is a stick up!"
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes
It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”