WOOD yall give some wood puns

Wood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pancake_Pollack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
10p% Wood puns by DadLAD (actually check his fb out though) youtu.be/Ypk06Wj926Y
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islarf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Wood puns

https://preview.redd.it/6egcw39r98z21.png?width=1626&format=png&auto=webp&s=07fa82d96e5340d3eed13d4c4832de6dffccd97b

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyw7
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Punny Redditors, I need your best "wood" puns!

I need help for a project! What are your best puns that have anything to do with wood?

Examples:

"Can I axe you a question?"

"I wood stay longer, but I have to leaf now"

EDIT: another one: "birch please!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cat_attack_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
🚨︎ report
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.

I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
What a waist of wood.
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paperboat199
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Wood be a good idea.
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punyae3671
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I wood like to say a tree pun,

but I am going to branch off to different jokes and leaf you alone.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...

To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
I can cut a piece of wood by staring at it.

It's true. I saw it with my own eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWarVeteran
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
Two travelers are lost in the woods when they come across a man lying in their path.
         One says, β€œWe’re saved! We can ask him for directions!” His friend, however, had a somber expression on his face.
          β€œDoesn’t something seem off to you about this man?” he replies, gesturing to the figure lying prostrate on the road before them.
          β€œWhat do you mean?” said the first, confusion splayed across his features.
          β€œI mean we can’t trust a thing he says. He’s a pathological lier.”
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForestValkyrie
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…

"This is a stick up!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
Wood recommend
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dwihgt
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
I have been walking through the woods today and all the mushrooms started talking to me.

I always knew I was a fun guy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OkChemical
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
Wood fired pizza...

How is pizza going to get a job now?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OOF2101
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, β€œNO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack responded, β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/articElite0
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you cook wood on the stove?

Because it’s a non-stick pan...

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/d__n__a
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I think my friend who owns the apiary got into some poison ivy or something during a hike in the woods...

He has hives.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

Bored.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2shack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
What sound do dogs make when they chew on wood?

Bark! Bark!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R0n33
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I worked in the woods as a lumberjack

but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

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πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?

I used a non-stick pan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dead---inside
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man looking for his wife in the woods?

A dear hunter.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/revenges_captain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
He wood've turned out great too, had he not turned to the other side
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
How do you find your dog if it's lost in the woods?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
Of course he wood
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themdonuts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him

It was unbearable to watch

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanDzikipan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
β€œHow long have you been chopping wood for?”

β€œNot too sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
People sometimes ask why I like going to the woods

Forest

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Why did the blonde walk into a bank with a bag full of shredded wood?

She wanted to open a shavings account.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you cut wood with a tool covered in sriracha?

Hot saws.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealKingPotato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it

It means my illegal logging business is a success

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taylorgs12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked, β€œWanna come with me to help pick out some vinyl wood blinds?”

I said, β€œFaux sho.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
What was the disobedient beaver’s favorite kind of wood?

Knotty pine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/n07myusername
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
What wood be the problem?
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M-3-R-C-U-R-Y
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
Why has a car made of wood never been successful ?

Because it wooden go.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManaCabana
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
I wood
πŸ‘︎ 488
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flumpton_flam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to take a hike in the woods today but realized tick season is starting

and I like my Corona without Lyme.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themissamos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
That tree’s got some wood
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ainttellinnobody
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
Where do boats carrying wood go?

The arbor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigkodack
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
I was watching a documentary about a girl who got breast implants made of wood

I thought to myself, that'd hurt, wooden tit?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edolas93
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Ash used to be wood...

...but it was fired.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't stop cutting wood

I see, I saw

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stonefly_C
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Lizzie Borden was found dead in the woods

Cause of death ruled Axe-idental

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
An idiot goes walking through the woods...

After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
If Kenny Loggins was to open a budget hotel complex in the woods...

.. Would they be called Kenny Log Inns?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumthumsinaction
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Building a shelf and couldn't decide on wood type, so I went with most poplar imgur.com/4HJD9qe
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cranky_Windlass
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do crazy people get through the woods?

They take the psycho path.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingadod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t you wish you could carve breasts out of wood?

You could carve large ones or small ones, any size you want. Wooden tit be nice?

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
I wood like to hear more plz
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squidoo_434
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Whats a pigs favorite type of wood?

Mahogany

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heartstop56
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What Happens When You Burn Unseasoned Wood From the Bayou?

Creole-sote

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarshmallowBlue
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
The Wood Glue I just bought doesn't stick.

I guess I got the wouldn't glue instead.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rewind44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wolf lost in the woods?

A Wherewolf

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/threebabies
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I just stole a bunch of wood from Home Depot

It was a lumber jack

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Names carved into wood aren't sweet.....

They're sappy.

-credit to u/poopondogs

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CJPsalm139
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
From my 9yo. How do you tell someone was cutting wood?

You saw-dust. (There were exaggerated winks after. And a elbow to the ribs. It was glorious)

Edit: thanks for the love: My kid asked me if I was gonna share it on Facebook. I don’t use Facebook so I said I’d share it here. He’s practicing his jokes, he said, so he can be a good big brother. He’s got a corny sense of humor and loves a good dad joke.

For the couple of you who think I pimped his joke for Karma, look outward to that speck of light in your dark life. That light is your asshole. Go that way to remove your head from from it.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeoshua82
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I once had a friend called Wood and I told him...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeeMovieIsGud
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I wood split it too
πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnlakySloth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my lumberjack friend, β€œHow much wood did you chop?”

He said, β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I know you wood love this.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMeUnofficial
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Two men are hunting in the woods...

Suddenly one of them spots tracks.

"Deer tracks" says the first hunter.

"Moose tracks, I know moose tracks when I see them" says the other hunter.

They keep arguing over the type of tracks they're looking at, until they get run over by a train.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JMayberry5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karma-Bot-Killer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Wood that be good enough?
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mralijey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a spectacular wood carving of a manatee today.

Oh, that hewn manatee!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/voip_geek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I wood indeed
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waklaks21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to change the wood of my table but got yelled at

I was just trying to spruce things up

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cauanguy1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Mourning wood
πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goosetropolis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Wood Fired Pizza

Now where's pizza going to find a job!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adptt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the car made of wood?

It wouldn’t go.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m not super experienced with wood carving.

I only know a whittle.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryan-Bburg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
By nature, we're next to the woods.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnjoyEverySecond
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
yes, it wood
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeSteph-DeCurry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Wood fired pizza?

Hows pizza gonna get a job now?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waytoomanycups
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I wood definitely invest in that idea though.
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Komrade_Jay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together.

Totally nailed it.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pancake_Pollack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If celebrities were types of wood

Spruce Willis (Bruce Willis)

Matthew Mahogany (Matthew Maconahay? Tell me how to spell it)

Mirk Russel (Kurt Russel)

Clint Oakwood (Clint Eastwood)

Benedict Lumberthatch (Benedict Cumberbatch)

Ashwood Kutcher (Ashton Kutcher)

Birch Reynolds (Bert Reynolds)

Russel Branch (Russel Brand)

Dwayne "The Log" Johnson (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson)

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeardyJunior2110
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Wood
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lil_DYUZX
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Wood you believe it??
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7h3on3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œHey, how much wood did you chop?”

β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fired for changing the wood on my jobs counter

I was just trying to spruce up the mood

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cauanguy1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I wood
πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/southsider_pint
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I WOOD like to see that
πŸ‘︎ 493
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoavieden
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Tinder was just a piece of wood.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œHow much wood have you chopped?”

β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wood you do that
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Veiom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Wood You?
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B0st0n_S0x
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…

"This is a stick up!"

πŸ‘︎ 357
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I can cut wood by looking at it

I saw it with my own eyes

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brak0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
I can cut wood just by staring at it

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes

πŸ‘︎ 425
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xander8in
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.

It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 143
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œHow long have you been chopping wood for?”

β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximumPotatoX1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I can cut wood in half just by looking at it

It's true I saw it with my own eyes

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MiniKiwiz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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