What's the name of the relative who owns a shop that specializes in vintage items made from hardwood?

Aunt Teak.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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While redoing the hardwood my wife thought it would be a good idea to toss me a plank. It hit me in the head.

I was floored.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ‘€︎ u/simmsnation
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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We just got brand new hardwood floors and my wife wanted to slide down the hallway in her socks (true story).

Wife: I'm gonna do a Jerry McGuire down the hallway!

Me: That's "Risky Business" honey

Wife: Don't worry I'll be careful!

Me: ....ok dear

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/thetewj
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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A couple of years ago, my wife made it clear that she wanted NO hardwood in the house.

I haven’t had a boner in 2 years.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/spookmina
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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All along, I thought my floor was hardwood

But it turns out that I've been bamboozled

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
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I asked my floor refinisher if he does counter tops.

Our hardwood flooring guy is Micah. It's weird, but he talks in the 3rd person all the time. Like, "Micah doesn't love all that sanding" or "Painting is not what Micah does." Nice guy though.

I asked him if he'd refinish our counter tops and he said, "That's not formica."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skarkroe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
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What do you call an aroused tree?


πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
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My best friend's dad everyone.

Dad: I'm thinking of redoing the floor in the living room.

Me: That's a lot of hard work.

Dad: No, it's hardwood. grins and exits the room

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/internetornator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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Girlfriend Dadjoked me last night..

So I was grabbing my keys off the desk, which my Movado wristwatch was leaning against, to take out the trash. As I raised them up my watch fell on the hardwood floor face down and I freaked, my girlfriend looks up from her phone at the look on my face and says:

"Watch out!"

Then begins to laugh uncontrollably.

The End.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ‘€︎ u/dfoolio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
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My co-worker got me today

It was spirit week at work (to raise money for American Cancer Society) and today was pajama day. I showed up in my pink owl pajamas and looked real cute. Anyways as we're leaving, he almost slips on the hardwood, forgetting he wasn't wearing shoes.

Me: (laughing) are you okay? Him: yeah, I'm sure that was a real... Hoot. insert groans from other co workers

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/KrissKross94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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