Hardwood Puns

Aunt Teak.

I was floored.

Wife: I'm gonna do a Jerry McGuire down the hallway!

Me: That's "Risky Business" honey

Wife: Don't worry I'll be careful!

Me: ....ok dear

I haven’t had a boner in 2 years.

But it turns out that I've been bamboozled

Our hardwood flooring guy is Micah. It's weird, but he talks in the 3rd person all the time. Like, "Micah doesn't love all that sanding" or "Painting is not what Micah does." Nice guy though.

I asked him if he'd refinish our counter tops and he said, "That's not formica."

Hardwood.

Dad: I'm thinking of redoing the floor in the living room.

Me: That's a lot of hard work.

Dad: No, it's hardwood. grins and exits the room

So I was grabbing my keys off the desk, which my Movado wristwatch was leaning against, to take out the trash. As I raised them up my watch fell on the hardwood floor face down and I freaked, my girlfriend looks up from her phone at the look on my face and says:

"Watch out!"

Then begins to laugh uncontrollably.

The End.

It was spirit week at work (to raise money for American Cancer Society) and today was pajama day. I showed up in my pink owl pajamas and looked real cute. Anyways as we're leaving, he almost slips on the hardwood, forgetting he wasn't wearing shoes.

Me: (laughing) are you okay? Him: yeah, I'm sure that was a real... Hoot. insert groans from other co workers