We just got brand new hardwood floors and my wife wanted to slide down the hallway in her socks (true story).

Wife: I'm gonna do a Jerry McGuire down the hallway!

Me: That's "Risky Business" honey

Wife: Don't worry I'll be careful!

Me: ....ok dear

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👤︎ u/thetewj
📅︎ Feb 06 2019
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All along, I thought my floor was hardwood

But it turns out that I've been bamboozled

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📅︎ Aug 12 2017
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I asked my floor refinisher if he does counter tops.

Our hardwood flooring guy is Micah. It's weird, but he talks in the 3rd person all the time. Like, "Micah doesn't love all that sanding" or "Painting is not what Micah does." Nice guy though.

I asked him if he'd refinish our counter tops and he said, "That's not formica."

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👤︎ u/Skarkroe
📅︎ Feb 03 2018
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My best friend's dad everyone.

Dad: I'm thinking of redoing the floor in the living room.

Me: That's a lot of hard work.

Dad: No, it's hardwood. grins and exits the room

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📅︎ Mar 16 2017
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Girlfriend Dadjoked me last night..

So I was grabbing my keys off the desk, which my Movado wristwatch was leaning against, to take out the trash. As I raised them up my watch fell on the hardwood floor face down and I freaked, my girlfriend looks up from her phone at the look on my face and says:

"Watch out!"

Then begins to laugh uncontrollably.

The End.

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👤︎ u/dfoolio
📅︎ Jul 21 2014
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