Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunny_McShoot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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What do Mexicans eat when it's cold out?

Brrrritos

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

πŸ‘︎ 216
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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What do you call a cold hooker?

A frostitute.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iswitt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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Justice is a dish best served cold

If it were served warm it would be justwater.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?

They had nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ycarusbog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
Justice is a dish best served cold

Because otherwise it would be justwater

πŸ‘︎ 383
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snugl-v203
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you cold and hungry tiger?

A brr-grr.

Edit: β€œWhat do you CALL...”

Sorry, I suck.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1Killag123
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
What did cold say to hot?

Not cool, man.

*My six year old told me she made this up. Not sure whether to believe her or not.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkthegrid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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If YOU’RE cold, THEY’RE cold. Let that sink in
πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LarsBlackman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My son told me the house was cold, I told him to go stand in the corner...

'Cause the corner is 90 degrees.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THOT_Patroller-13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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I turned off the fan because I was a bit cold...

I wonder why everyone else on the helicopter is panicking?

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetarianReaper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

A Brrrrrrger.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Domidoms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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What do you call a baker with a cold?

Coughee cake!

Its cake and y'all know the rules!

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amnzul
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What do cops do when handed a cold case?

They work on it undercover.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Yup I quit cold turkey last month.

Warmed in the microwave is so much better.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.

She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:

Icy, what you did there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the pepper cold?

Because it's pepper mint.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shotintheship
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If hell is hot, then heaven's gotta be cold

Guess that's why they call it paradice

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnificent-Moe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Told my dad I was cold, his response was to tell me to stand in the corner

It’s 90 degrees there

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Its getting that time of year when it's so cold....

....people are starting to wear 2 pairs of pyjamas to Walmart.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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When you get cold, stand in the corner of the room ...

It's always about 90 degrees

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mediumbugger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I texted my friend that I was missing them and they replied with a very cold reply

0K

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackskyspy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the philosophy lecturer do when he gets cold feet?

He puts on his Socrates.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikethejoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Who were the most tired people in the Cold War?

The sleeper agents

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fakesowdy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an espresso with a cold....

Coughee.

πŸ‘︎ 390
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCraay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
"Dad I'm cold."

"Go stand in the corner, I hear its 90 degrees."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
You know that it is cold outside when

You go outside and it is cold.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a painter do when he gets cold?

He puts on another coat!

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/no1krampus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey Kids, Why is a baseball stadium always cold?

Because it’s full of fans!!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balkso
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a peanut with a cold?

CASHEW

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qlomy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the computer cold?

It forgot to close its windows.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajays97
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Tired of the cold, Superman traded the Fortress of Solitude for a house in Italy...

He invited Lois Lane to visit. Her plane was late, and she called the house to ask directions. He answered and told her:

"Take the last train to Clark's villa, and I'll meet you at the station."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPossible
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What is faster, something hot or cold?

Of course it’s the hot one, you can always catch a cold

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mxrxx_ag
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: β€œAre you cold?” Child: yes...

Dad: Go and stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees over there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xiong3205
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend said the the wind was really cold and painful...

I said "hey wind, chill..."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trapdagangz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
You cant download the film 'The Cold'

But, its streaming.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cold Mexican food?

A brrrrrrrrrrrrrito

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Gus3114
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.

It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlessedBigIron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a pirate say when he sits down on a really cold toilet seat? /r/Jokes/comments/jl5zxl/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timberdoodledan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cold canine?

A chili dog.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Justice is a dish best served cold

Because if it were served warm it would be justwater

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onion-volcano
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
You know it’s cold outside

When you go outside and it’s cold.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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