Finally my winter fat has gone...

Now, I have spring rolls.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
How do Mexicans keep warm in winter?

They use chicken fajitas…

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glum-Ad-2286
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I met a guy doing math problems in winter

You could say he was a kind of cold and calculating guy

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpicyEpicGamer69
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Spiderman has a winter jacket made entirely of Mediterranean flat bread.

It's a Pita Parka.

πŸ‘︎ 503
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
My wife always criticizes me for wearing mittens instead of gloves in the winter.

But I don’t like to point fingers.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Which weapon does the Grim Reaper use in the winter?

An ice sickle.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I always keep an extra pair of gloves with me in the winter

They’re just a good thing to have on-hand

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ham-cum-rewritten
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?

The match.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leetrd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
I thought all the trees were broken when they lost their leaves this winter. They're starting to come back now though.

What a re-leaf

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dvip6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
I'm planning to implement a new weight-loss method that will require people to wear winter gloves making it harder for them to eat.

I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhnrmn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
Did Texas survive last week’s winter storms?

Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bsouls66
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Google Maps: Your route may be affected by winter storm Uri.

I hope you’re not in a Uri.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CecilBlight
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
Why should you never wear moccasins outside during Winter?

Because it can get a little slippery out there.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorJoss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call an American living in Russia during the winter?

Edward Snowden

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peachho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
I was watching my son play a Zelda game and I told him it's more effective to lose your health during the summer and winter seasons. He looked at me all confused and asked why? I told him it's because...

that way you won't take any fall damage.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
What's the most dangerous part of New York in the winter?

Islip

:D

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elesde
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
I have always preffered winter more than summer

Because in winter you can keep adding more layers until you are warm but in summer you can only take off so many before you are arrested

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrejb22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I could hear Tubular Bells on my farm this winter...

But it was just my cold field.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife complains that I'm getting fat. So this winter I decided to diet.

It's called inter"mitten" fasting to keep my hands of food

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gp_11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.

She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:

Icy, what you did there.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...

So there were 6 of us...

With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)

There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".

Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"

The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.

Best day of my comedic life

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do birds fly south for the winter?

It's too far to walk.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaneywest
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog in winter?

A pupsicle

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nav_the_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A man & his wife were taking a winter stroll & admiring the trees that were glistening white with ice & snow. A stranger walked past them and said, β€œBeautiful hoar-frost!”

The man replied, β€œWhy thank you kind sir, but my name’s not Frost.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I was unprepared for a pun about Canadian winter hats...

It really toque me by surprise!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Dads everywhere, every winter solstice at sunset

Man, today flew by

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThamilandryLFY
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Winter is coming

This is snow joke

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rabid_Badger_83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do athletes wear during winter?

Bad mittens

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mercolorecords2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What can you catch from a vampire in the winter time?

Frost-bite.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balkso
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Since moving to Finland I’ve become addicted to winter sports

It started off with sledging which has finally lead to ski jumping. It’s a real slippery slope

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stiltonfondu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The bear couldn't decide whether to go north or south for the winter

He was a bipolar bear

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What piece of winter clothing is edible?

A scarf.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.

Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baileywiki
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Just saw a video of a guy sending his daughter into the store to buy winter air for their car tires.

Any other good jokes like that to play on my family?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limited_myLes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to buy my kid this winter coat we saw at the mall, but I couldn't afford it.

So I had to jacket.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLL_Motives
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s Irish, stays out all summer and goes inside in winter?

Patio Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marasydnyjade
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How else would they stay warm all winter?
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My winter fat is all gone...

Now I have spring rolls

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
My winter fat is gone!

Now I have spring rolls!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superpie5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
I thought all the trees were broken when they lost their leaves this winter. They're starting to come back now though.

What a re-leaf

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dvip6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
Why do I like winter?

Because it is cool.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/msc24x
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do birds fly south for the winter?

Because they can't swim.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hedges_101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do birds fly south for the winter

It's too far to walk

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report

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