Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.

My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosDragoon89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
I have always preffered winter more than summer

Because in winter you can keep adding more layers until you are warm but in summer you can only take off so many before you are arrested

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andrejb22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a summer camp that helps people with ADHD?

A concentration camp.

I'll see myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mosh83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
This summer when I dug potatoes from my garden, they all were shaped like a letter from the alphabet...

They were U-tubers.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?

Seasoning

πŸ‘︎ 652
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Louis_T_252
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call someone who likes to read on the summer?

A bookwarm πŸ›β˜€οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rozsaszin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they call it summer school?

Cause it’s sum-more school.

(My dad made that up on the fly and I am so proud of him.)

πŸ‘︎ 258
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pikapikamydude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you guys do when your hair gets too hot in the summer?

I use hair conditioner.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Azarathos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do lions only mate in the summer?

Because the pride comes before the fall!

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamwellBarley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Summer’s almost here and I’m going to buy this really trendy fan

It’s going to be so cool 😎

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sayingwhawtwheird
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s Irish, stays out all summer and goes inside in winter?

Patio Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marasydnyjade
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.

Those were Goodyears

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drunk98
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
It's soon autumn - you can tell, because summer leaves

... I'll be here all seasons...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LostDevInBerlin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
This summer I'm traveling through spice and thyme. What about you?
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/f3derico
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I broke up at summer camp. We got into an argument over which canoe to get take.

She got in one and I the other. Then we just drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Last summer, I worked on a party boat for the assistants to the staff of Terry Crews

I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/exmachinalibertas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:

I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joepeR2086
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
This is our first summer not going to Hawaii because of Coronavirus.

Usually it’s because we can’t afford it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Collapse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s Irish and stays out all summer?

Patty O’Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 332
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/perpetualbarista
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Stadiums are going to be so much hotter this summer

They’ll be missing all their fans...

Thanks Hank Green!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vtrellik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.

That shit was bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
During the heat of the summer, my wife asked if I wanted the fan to oscillate.

I said I like it both ways, but it is variable.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ice-_-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about Summer? I heard she’s really hot
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NiisanSein
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The summer rains have finally arrived...

Couldn’t have come monsoon enough!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PEZZZZZZZZZZZ
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, β€œHoney, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, β€œTomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. β€œWell, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

β€œNo, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

β€œWell, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. β€œHer name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

β€œBatteries?” cried the wife.

β€œYes,” he replied. β€œShe sells C cells by the Seashore.”

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How does Rapunzel keep cool in the summer?

By using her hAIR conditioner.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldeagle77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a programmer get cooler in the summer?

He opens Windows

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kidplayer_666
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Next Summer I'm applying for a job cleaning mirrors.

It's something I can see myself doing.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaynesky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
With summer almost here ond COVID-19 putting restrictions everywhere, please remember that you can't run through a campground.

You can only ran, because it's past tents.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dabiker68
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Amazon really be having the biggest Flash Sale of the Summer...
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mbs3
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I found out that roofing in the summer heat can be really dangerous.

WARNING: HOT SHINGLES ARE IN YOUR AREA.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Went on holiday this summer, met this sick Peruvian geezer. v.redd.it/3hg4dv2prj841
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarwhimSkell
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand how stadiums are so hot, even during summer

There are thousands of fans at some games!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jkwon6227
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a small dog raising it paw on a summer day called?

Microwaved hot dog

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Navi66
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I ask my friends if they wanted to go on a cruise this summer.

They were all on board.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when it snows in summer?

Rain

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigderp23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do African brain surgeons like to do in the summer

They like to go Hippo-CAMP-us

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What are your plans for this summer?

🎢 Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive🎢

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M_YASS_BIG
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Which barbie throws the best summer parties?

Barbie Q!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Southern (US) dadjoke: Better brush ya teeth afore ya wind up with summer teeth!

Daughter: What are summer teeth?

Me: Well. Summer there. But some ain't.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the extremists do at summer camp?

They had a blast.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did god say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?

Well, they can't all be winters.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LinexGuy88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I wasn't going to visit my family this summer but Mum promised to make Eggs benedict...

So I went home for the hollandaise

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was sick all of last summer

Time just flu by

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
what does a dad eat on a hot summer day?

Popsicles.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
On a hot summer day, a woman has a hankering for a hot dog. She walks to the nearest hot dog stand and gets in line. Looking up to the front of the queue, she sees an elderly gentleman ordering a bratwurst...

He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.

As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.

A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.

When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,

β€œExcuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?”

β€œIt’s simple, ma’am.” he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. β€œI’m surprised you haven’t discovered for yourself.”

Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.

β€œYa see, ma’am? The real_joke’s always in the condiments!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog in the summer?

A hot dog, and in the winter it's a chili dog.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/herrofeather
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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