Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.

My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ChaosDragoon89
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 02 2021
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I have always preffered winter more than summer

Because in winter you can keep adding more layers until you are warm but in summer you can only take off so many before you are arrested

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 29
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/andrejb22
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 22 2020
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What do you call a summer camp that helps people with ADHD?

A concentration camp.

I'll see myself out.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 27
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Mosh83
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 07 2020
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This summer when I dug potatoes from my garden, they all were shaped like a letter from the alphabet...

They were U-tubers.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 11 2021
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Whatโ€™s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?

Seasoning

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 652
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Louis_T_252
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
How do you call someone who likes to read on the summer?

A bookwarm ๐Ÿ›โ˜€๏ธ

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/rozsaszin
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 29 2020
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Why do they call it summer school?

Cause itโ€™s sum-more school.

(My dad made that up on the fly and I am so proud of him.)

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 258
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/pikapikamydude
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do you guys do when your hair gets too hot in the summer?

I use hair conditioner.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Azarathos
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Why do lions only mate in the summer?

Because the pride comes before the fall!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 66
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SamwellBarley
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 23 2020
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Summerโ€™s almost here and Iโ€™m going to buy this really trendy fan

Itโ€™s going to be so cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sayingwhawtwheird
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 26 2020
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Whatโ€™s Irish, stays out all summer and goes inside in winter?

Patio Furniture

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/marasydnyjade
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 30 2020
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I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.

Those were Goodyears

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 87
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/drunk98
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 31 2020
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It's soon autumn - you can tell, because summer leaves

... I'll be here all seasons...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LostDevInBerlin
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
This summer I'm traveling through spice and thyme. What about you?
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/f3derico
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 05 2020
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My girlfriend and I broke up at summer camp. We got into an argument over which canoe to get take.

She got in one and I the other. Then we just drifted apart.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/labink
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 03 2020
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Last summer, I worked on a party boat for the assistants to the staff of Terry Crews

I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/exmachinalibertas
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:

I dontโ€™t wanna do it, itโ€™s sho warm ma!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/joepeR2086
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 12 2020
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This is our first summer not going to Hawaii because of Coronavirus.

Usually itโ€™s because we canโ€™t afford it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Eternal_Collapse
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 11 2020
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Stadiums are going to be so much hotter this summer

Theyโ€™ll be missing all their fans...

Thanks Hank Green!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 22
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/vtrellik
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 02 2020
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The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.

That shit was bananas.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 13 2019
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During the heat of the summer, my wife asked if I wanted the fan to oscillate.

I said I like it both ways, but it is variable.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Ice-_-Bear
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Have you heard about Summer? I heard sheโ€™s really hot
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 30
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/NiisanSein
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 02 2020
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The summer rains have finally arrived...

Couldnโ€™t have come monsoon enough!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PEZZZZZZZZZZZ
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasnโ€™t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didnโ€™t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, โ€œHoney, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?โ€

He hadnโ€™t and said so. Then she said, โ€œTomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what sheโ€™s really doing.โ€

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. โ€œWell, is she selling drugs?โ€ she asked excitedly.โ€

โ€œNo, sheโ€™s not.โ€ he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

โ€œWell, what is it, then?โ€ his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. โ€œHer name is Sally and sheโ€™s selling batteries.โ€

โ€œBatteries?โ€ cried the wife.

โ€œYes,โ€ he replied. โ€œShe sells C cells by the Seashore.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 94
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AustralianGroan
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
How does Rapunzel keep cool in the summer?

By using her hAIR conditioner.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Baldeagle77
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
How does a programmer get cooler in the summer?

He opens Windows

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Kidplayer_666
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Next Summer I'm applying for a job cleaning mirrors.

It's something I can see myself doing.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 92
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Zaynesky
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
With summer almost here ond COVID-19 putting restrictions everywhere, please remember that you can't run through a campground.

You can only ran, because it's past tents.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dabiker68
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Amazon really be having the biggest Flash Sale of the Summer...
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Mbs3
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Today I found out that roofing in the summer heat can be really dangerous.

WARNING: HOT SHINGLES ARE IN YOUR AREA.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Went on holiday this summer, met this sick Peruvian geezer. v.redd.it/3hg4dv2prj841
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MarwhimSkell
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I don't understand how stadiums are so hot, even during summer

There are thousands of fans at some games!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Jkwon6227
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What is a small dog raising it paw on a summer day called?

Microwaved hot dog

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Navi66
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I ask my friends if they wanted to go on a cruise this summer.

They were all on board.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kilokiilo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do you call it when it snows in summer?

Rain

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Bigderp23
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do African brain surgeons like to do in the summer

They like to go Hippo-CAMP-us

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tjeters
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What are your plans for this summer?

๐ŸŽถ Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive๐ŸŽถ

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/M_YASS_BIG
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Which barbie throws the best summer parties?

Barbie Q!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/CryptoReaper5
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Southern (US) dadjoke: Better brush ya teeth afore ya wind up with summer teeth!

Daughter: What are summer teeth?

Me: Well. Summer there. But some ain't.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/breakone9r
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What did the extremists do at summer camp?

They had a blast.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kilokiilo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What did god say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?

Well, they can't all be winters.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LinexGuy88
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 30 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I wasn't going to visit my family this summer but Mum promised to make Eggs benedict...

So I went home for the hollandaise

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 30
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/B-man44
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I was sick all of last summer

Time just flu by

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/invisible_being
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 29 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
what does a dad eat on a hot summer day?

Popsicles.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LeviOsa-not-LevosA
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
On a hot summer day, a woman has a hankering for a hot dog. She walks to the nearest hot dog stand and gets in line. Looking up to the front of the queue, she sees an elderly gentleman ordering a bratwurst...

He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.

As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.

A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.

When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,

โ€œExcuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s simple, maโ€™am.โ€ he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. โ€œIโ€™m surprised you havenโ€™t discovered for yourself.โ€

Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.

โ€œYa see, maโ€™am? The real_jokeโ€™s always in the condiments!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Whatโ€™s Irish and stays out all summer?

Patty Oโ€™Furniture

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 332
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/perpetualbarista
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do you call a dog in the summer?

A hot dog, and in the winter it's a chili dog.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 34
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/herrofeather
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 13 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

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