Holiday and end of last year pun, recycled
Ideas for months of the year puns?
Hi, could someone help me out with puns for the months of the year? January was Jan-new-ary, February was Feb-boo-ary, etc.
Just April would be great and if possible, the rest of the year
I saw a 1000 year old oil stain
It was from ancient Greece
My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?
Because they don't have pockets.
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: “And what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.
The woman simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
Once again I've entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town, this year I'm just hoping..
..that I can pull it off.
An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why can’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
I was proud.
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
My 6 year old daughter was listening to music with me and came up with this one: What is a bananas favorite Tom Petty song?
You Dont Know How It Peels
What is an Air Fryer's favorite food? (Courtesy of my 6 year old)
Air-vrything.
I'm so proud.
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop in your pants, but he’s not buying it. In fact...
He’s still making fun of me...
If you were 8 years old when "Red, Red Wine" was released
My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
I've just won an award for being the most secretive person of the year.
I can't tell you how proud that makes me.
Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year old’s birthday party!
Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:
Chicken nuggets
PB&Js (in the shape of guitars)
Veggie tray
Fruit tray
Water & juice
I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have
Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know 😂 Help me out if you can think of any more!
Why does a calendar last for one year only?
Because its days are numbered
My boss said to me "You're the worst train driver ever! How many have you derailed this year?!"
I said "I don't know... it's hard to keep track"
The fly fishing tournament will not have spectators this year.
But it will be LIVE STREAMED.
I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...
My 8 year old daughter is a dad in the making
Daughter: Knock knock
Me: Who’s there?
Daughter: Europe
Me: Europe who?
Daughter: No I’m not!
Proud papa right now
My 8 year old has created a new unit of measument...
She just picked up the squeeze ketchup and said, "I only need one fart of ketchup." She gives the bottle a single squeeze and gets her "one fart."
8 Year Old's Bee Pun - Proud Mom Moment
I was walking the other day with my son when he noticed a bee. I told him to leave it alone, to which he replied, "I'll be careful. Get it?! BEE!"
I was beginning to lose hope that he wasn't ever going to understand or appreciate puns! He's in the club now!
This year's Fibonacci Convention was a great success.
It was as big as the last two combined!
What did Curt Cobain say when he opened a 13 year old bottle of vodka?
This years coffee crop
Due to extreme weather, this years coffee crop will be very difficult to grind. Experts fear there may be trouble brewing.
Decided to plant mums this year.
Years ago, I used to supply Filofaxes to the mafia
I was involved in very organized crime
True story: many years ago I adopted a new dog. Took him to his first visit to the vet.
The lady at the vet: “what’s his name?”
Me: “The shelter told me his name is Toby”
Her: “Well, what does he think his name is?”
Me: “........ Kunte Kinte”
She didn’t get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.
My husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?
Who decided to shorten this years Pi Day by an hour?
This was a very irrational decision
What do you call an army of 1 year olds?
My wife and I just celebrated 10 years of happy marriage...
It was coincidentally our 30th wedding anniversary.
From my 10 year old son: Why did the coffee taste like dirt?
My 8 year old nephew attended his first wedding. But his cousin had a question for his after the ceremony.
"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"
"16!"
"How did you figure that out."
"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!
My 8 year old finished eating dinner
8yo: "There, I ate!"
Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."
8yo: 🤔?
9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"
8yo: "Daaaad!"
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
... but ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
The radio host sailed to the same part of the ocean each year
After years of trying, a woman tells her husband she is pregnant.
The man, tearing up, takes his wife's hand and says, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm going to be a dad."
Ive been waiting for one entire year for this moment
My friend died a year ago today. His party trick was catching fish using only his right leg.
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
Over 100 years ago 2 brothers announced that they could fly.
Turns out, they were Wright.
My 8 year old son asked me to buy him two axes for his birthday...
I told him ok, I’d get him an X and a Y... my 12 year old cracked up, the 8 year old was confused. I still look at it as a win.
I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
I saw a 2000 year old oil stain.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
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