Hi, could someone help me out with puns for the months of the year? January was Jan-new-ary, February was Feb-boo-ary, etc.
Just April would be great and if possible, the rest of the year
What's wobbly in the sky A jellycopter
Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes
I’m proud to say I managed to hit one of the little shits!
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
That would be admitting that 2021
It’s my dream job.
While playing with our 5 year old son and discussing Ninjas and Lego Ninjago...
7 Year Old: I know what kind of shoes Ninjas wear....
5 Year Old: What kind?
7 Year Old: Sneakers
While traveling to a cookout at my dads house, my wife (W) was working through the alphabet with my son (s)
Letter “I”: W: “ I is for..... iguana” S: “iguana.... iguana go outside.” W: looks at me. I look at him. S: (in his best dad style, cheesy laugh) “ha, ha.”
He had no idea what he said. But gosh we got a kick out of it.
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
Normally i don’t go because I’m poor
That kid didn’t help me at all.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
Me, to my wife: “that’s stupid. I would think most women only need to have them removed once!”
Put a little boogie in it. Never been more proud
It’s a timeless piece, really.
… And I think that's poor for four.
"I haven't had a fair match since Superman died"
The most dad-thing I've heard him say in a long time. Made me proud
Usually it is due to lack of money
Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.
Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.
Her - Knock knock!
Me - Who's there?
Her - Hungry!
Me - Hungry who?
Her - Hi hungry, I'm dad!
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom..
Now she’s in the ICU
My daughter didnt know what an inside joke was. After I explained it to her, she then announces an outside joke must be "knock knock...."
I said, "Every year"
Son: Where are you in the photo?
Dad: That's me in the corner.
Turns out the answer has been right under my nose the whole time.
Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.
We got back to the house and my nephew said...
Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.
Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?
Nephew: no. Is it still broken?
Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.
He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.
Let that sink in.
Mine was about 20 years ago, I was 17 at the time and going to my gf’s sisters house for dinner with her family. We brought some things to help with dinner. As we’re walking up to the house carrying the cookware, her dad looks back and says, “hey, now that you’re walking the wok, can you talk the talk?”. Not sure why but I’ll never forget that. Still makes me chuckle to this day. What’s yours?
It's a do or die
Yeah, they're calling it global worming.
Unfortunately, he didn't remember where he arked.
My wife: hey (son's name) I need to sweep the floor, can you please bring me the broom?
My son: OK broomer!
But that’s a story for another time
But for the first time in 6 years, I feel like I'm entering my prime.
She drinks straight from the bottle
My income is low-er and this maybe my career's financy low-year.
The dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
I have to say it really shucks.
It'll become a quaranadult
Me: “Pandemic song? Beatles? Huh?”
Son: “You know... We All Live In a Yellow Quarantine...”
I’ve never been more proud. The student has become the teacher.
Oh, and good luck getting that out of your head.
Even their cakes are in tiers.
He still can't say 'please' though, which I think of poor for four
Don't tell my boss I said that.
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
To which I said, “That doesn’t make cents.”
It's about Thyme.
After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"
Emotional baggage is the worst
It’s his 32nd birthday.
They don't make sense
And I plan on sticking to it!
I just shrugged
I'm more focused on now, since I only have 20 20 vision
Grandpa said he's ready to retire from it.
I mean, it's not very basic...
I’m having to deal with a lot of emotional baggage.
In fact, it’s borderline Chile.
I couldn't believe it at first but when I got home all the signs were there.
Because he didn’t like sour mice.
She became a reagent.
I’m having to put up with a lot of emotional baggage ever since.
Her face went red and her cheeks swelled up making her look just like a tomato.
After the nurse and my wife finished talking about her reaction, I just couldn’t help but blurt our “well, you are what you eat”
My wife eye rolled, the nurse just looked at me with a deadpan face and said “well done” and walked off.
Then it could be the panda Mick of 2020.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
now it’s a NONO
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
“I can’t hear you.”
The skill is developing in this one. So proud.
Me: "i don’t know"
Him "You’re the insulation." in his best peter cetera voice.
you could say I am out of touch
One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler...