Here's a bunch of calendar puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iziahzay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought of a calendar pun.

...but it was week.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Logic_and_Memes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
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I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory

All I did was take a day off

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Two guys stole a calendar.

They got six months each.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeje17j
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the Calendar so depressed?

He knew his days were numbered

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months ;)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SCP-2004
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the calendar factory

All I did was take a day off.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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What happened to the two guys who stole a calendar ?

They got six months each.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack...

...because I took a couple of days off.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zhansh1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

πŸ‘︎ 319
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Secret_Car
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the calendar designer fired from the calender factory?

He tried to take a month off

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holding_McGroin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.

Now those days are behind me.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.

Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megamouth2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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To the person who stole my calendar...

Mark my words, your days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saltyquill
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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I got fired from the Calendar Factory....

I took a day off.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealStickBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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To the person who stole my calendar

I hope he gets 6 months.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jtfiction
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two men who were arrested for stealing a calendar?

They each got six months

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I stole a calendar....

They gave me 12 months.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealStickBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a calendar factory

But I got fired for taking a couple of days off.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CouldBeSageAdvice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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I was fired from a factory that makes calendars

Because I took a day off

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skrrrooch
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Looking up at the calendar today, my son asked me, "If April showers bring may flowers, what do may flowers bring?" I answered, "I don't know, what?"

He laughed and shouted, "Pilgrims!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the calendar worried?

Because its days are numbered

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Annonomon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.

Everyone was dismayed.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xnphls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He took a few days off in February thinking nobody would notice.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReadilyReady
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar?

He got twelve months.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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How did Batman defeat Calendar Man with one punch?

He hit him in his Week spot!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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My calendar took it as a threat

When I told it that it's days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patricktoba
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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I used to have a calendar that was normal except September 11 was made of sandpaper.

That was a rough day.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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I don't get it (Puns Daily calendar)
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heidirs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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I used to work at the calendar factory

... but was fired for taking a couple of days off!

Not unknown, but a fave. I also wanted to say I became a certified dad today! I plan on utilizing this sub to torture my new child.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EridonMan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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What’s a calendars favorite fruit?

dates

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tobyfry14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who stole the calendar?

I heard he got 12 months

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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To the two criminals that stole my calendar:

I hope you both get six months.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edotri
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?

Apparently he got 12 months.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruck5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

Came from my dad himself. The definition of a dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCornDogger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Got fired from the calendar factory

Took a few days off

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhench78
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
$20.20 20/20 2020 Calendar youtube.com/watch?v=J431z…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tristangough
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What the difference between you and a calendar

A calendar has dates!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the clock say to the calendar?

Your days are numbered

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/killsforsporks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm afraid for my 2020 calendar ...

It's days are numbered!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/enganere
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Heard about the two criminals who stole a calendar?

They each got 6 months

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flappyducks34
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I shan’t be buying an Advent Calendar this year. Their days are numbered
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ordinarybloke1963
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that stole a calendar?

He got 12 months

(Credit to Papanomaly)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AkosChannel340
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My 2019 calendar is looking nervous.

I think it knows its days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJoker1988
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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I used to have a job at a calendar factory...

Got fired for taking a few days off.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Real-Francinian
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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I just lost my job at the calendar factory... I am utterly confused.

All I did was take a day off...

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevonWhiteTurnUp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the sundial say to the calendar?

Your days are numbered

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doodle1221
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Calendars are going to be discontinued soon.

Their days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Guys my calendar is really sick..

I think its days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the 2 men that stole a Calendar?

They both got 6 months

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aveley_r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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I️ used to work at a calendar factory

I️ got fired because I️ took a couple days off

πŸ‘︎ 644
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cochini123
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Son? What do calendars and canned goods have in common?

They have dates.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I fear for the calendar

It’s days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiur
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Kryptonite is basically a calendar.

A Kal ender.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spiderpool123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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My girlfriend and I invented the calendar together.

It was our first date.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stirling_s
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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When the calendar was invented

Our days were numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Kid: Mom I don’t have school on Monday, the school calendar says it’s β€œmilk” day.

Mom: Milk day?.... O honey you mean Martin Luther King Day! He was a famous civil rights leader.

Kid: O yea I know him! He said β€œI have a dream”

Dad: yes, β€œI have a dream that one day milk and chocolate milk will live in harmony.”

Actual conversation last night

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drmario420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Once you start using a calendar your days are numbered.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onalease
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I think my calendar is trying to kill me

It keeps telling me my days are numbered

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magintz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't think it's going well for the calendar

Its days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/James_That_Guy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Actual conversation with my wife this morning after receiving a wedding invitation: wife: "I put January 19th in the calendar"

Me: "it wasn't there already!?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory!

I just took the day off.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_memegirl_
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I Need help coming up with an August pun! Each month I write something nice on our calendar to my wife using the month as a pun. Can’t think of one for August! Can anyone help?
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SFV650
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.

I just wanted to take a day off.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarvelLass
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the inventor of the calendar inform his wife about his accomplishment?

He said, β€œYour days are numbered!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I got arrested for stealing a calendar when I was a kid

Thank god they only gave me 12 months

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HpddenHydnosis
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone hear about the man who stolen a calendar??

He got 12 months

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j0hnnyj0hns
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Advent Calendars. Their days are numbered
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ordinarybloke1963
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
So I just heard about two thieves that stole a calendar...

They each got six months!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
in all honesty, I fear for the calendar...

...it's days are numbered

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mellon_coliee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My first job was at a Calendar factory

Turns out they fire you for taking days off

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SGH406488
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NerdPapaya69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I was fired from the calendar factory!

All I did was take a day off!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mickets
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was fired from the calendar factory,

All I did was take a day off.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was fired from the calendar factory

How?

I took a day off

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sklus20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was fired from the calendar factory. Why?

I took a day off.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from the calendar factory

I only took a day off

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thecodotmo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two thieves that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pol_lesa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory!

All I did was take a day off!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They got six months each

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoyTheShip
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fish_on_a_table
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dingdongsnottor
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the calendar depressed?

Because it’s days were numbered!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Royer26
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fredtheuser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off!

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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