Here's a bunch of calendar puns
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 22 2019
I thought of a calendar pun.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Apr 28 2016
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory
All I did was take a day off
π︎ 112
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
Two guys stole a calendar.
They got six months each.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jul 16 2020
Why was the Calendar so depressed?
He knew his days were numbered
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
I lost my job at the calendar factory
All I did was take a day off.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 03 2020
What happened to the two guys who stole a calendar ?
They got six months each.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jul 03 2020
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack...
...because I took a couple of days off.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
π︎ 319
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
Why was the calendar designer fired from the calender factory?
He tried to take a month off
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.
Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 08 2020
To the person who stole my calendar...
Mark my words, your days are numbered.
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 30 2020
I got fired from the Calendar Factory....
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 22 2020
To the person who stole my calendar
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 19 2020
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
Did you hear about the two men who were arrested for stealing a calendar?
π︎ 23
π
︎ May 08 2020
I stole a calendar....
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 22 2020
I used to work at a calendar factory
But I got fired for taking a couple of days off.
π︎ 65
π
︎ Mar 08 2020
I was fired from a factory that makes calendars
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 18 2020
Looking up at the calendar today, my son asked me, "If April showers bring may flowers, what do may flowers bring?" I answered, "I don't know, what?"
He laughed and shouted, "Pilgrims!"
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 01 2020
Why is the calendar worried?
Because its days are numbered
π︎ 68
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 23 2020
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He took a few days off in February thinking nobody would notice.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 16 2020
How did Batman defeat Calendar Man with one punch?
He hit him in his Week spot!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
My calendar took it as a threat
When I told it that it's days are numbered.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
I used to have a calendar that was normal except September 11 was made of sandpaper.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
I don't get it (Puns Daily calendar)
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 09 2020
I used to work at the calendar factory
... but was fired for taking a couple of days off!
Not unknown, but a fave. I also wanted to say I became a certified dad today! I plan on utilizing this sub to torture my new child.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
Whatβs a calendars favorite fruit?
π︎ 60
π
︎ Dec 03 2019
Did you hear about the guy who stole the calendar?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 18 2020
To the two criminals that stole my calendar:
I hope you both get six months.
π︎ 69
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 08 2020
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?
Apparently he got 12 months.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 23 2020
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
Came from my dad himself. The definition of a dad joke.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
Got fired from the calendar factory
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 25 2019
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 20 2019
What the difference between you and a calendar
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 16 2019
What did the clock say to the calendar?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
I'm afraid for my 2020 calendar ...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
Heard about the two criminals who stole a calendar?
π︎ 59
π
︎ Oct 25 2019
I shanβt be buying an Advent Calendar this year. Their days are numbered
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 06 2019
Did you hear about the guy that stole a calendar?
He got 12 months
(Credit to Papanomaly)
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 25 2019
My 2019 calendar is looking nervous.
I think it knows its days are numbered.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 18 2019
I used to have a job at a calendar factory...
Got fired for taking a few days off.
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jul 10 2019
I just lost my job at the calendar factory... I am utterly confused.
All I did was take a day off...
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 20 2019
What did the sundial say to the calendar?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 06 2019
Calendars are going to be discontinued soon.
π︎ 40
π
︎ Aug 08 2019
Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar?
π︎ 62
π
︎ Apr 24 2019
Guys my calendar is really sick..
I think its days are numbered.
π︎ 40
π
︎ Apr 30 2019
Did you hear about the 2 men that stole a Calendar?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Aug 13 2019
IοΈ used to work at a calendar factory
IοΈ got fired because IοΈ took a couple days off
π︎ 644
π
︎ May 20 2018
Son? What do calendars and canned goods have in common?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 03 2019
I fear for the calendar
Itβs days are numbered.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 07 2019
Kryptonite is basically a calendar.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 10 2019
My girlfriend and I invented the calendar together.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jun 14 2019
When the calendar was invented
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 15 2019
Kid: Mom I donβt have school on Monday, the school calendar says itβs βmilkβ day.
Mom: Milk day?.... O honey you mean Martin Luther King Day! He was a famous civil rights leader.
Kid: O yea I know him! He said βI have a dreamβ
Dad: yes, βI have a dream that one day milk and chocolate milk will live in harmony.β
Actual conversation last night
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 17 2019
Once you start using a calendar your days are numbered.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 02 2018
I think my calendar is trying to kill me
It keeps telling me my days are numbered
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 15 2019
I don't think it's going well for the calendar
π︎ 49
π
︎ Dec 23 2018
Actual conversation with my wife this morning after receiving a wedding invitation: wife: "I put January 19th in the calendar"
Me: "it wasn't there already!?"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
I canβt believe I got fired from the calendar factory!
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 18 2019
I Need help coming up with an August pun! Each month I write something nice on our calendar to my wife using the month as a pun. Canβt think of one for August! Can anyone help?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 28 2018
I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
I just wanted to take a day off.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 26 2019
How did the inventor of the calendar inform his wife about his accomplishment?
He said, βYour days are numbered!β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 22 2019
I got arrested for stealing a calendar when I was a kid
Thank god they only gave me 12 months
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 28 2019
Anyone hear about the man who stolen a calendar??
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
Advent Calendars. Their days are numbered
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 28 2018
So I just heard about two thieves that stole a calendar...
They each got six months!
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 13 2019
in all honesty, I fear for the calendar...
...it's days are numbered
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 03 2019
My first job was at a Calendar factory
Turns out they fire you for taking days off
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 29 2019
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 01 2019
I can't believe I was fired from the calendar factory!
All I did was take a day off!
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
I was fired from the calendar factory,
All I did was take a day off.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
I was fired from the calendar factory
π︎ 116
π
︎ Feb 10 2020
I was fired from the calendar factory. Why?
π︎ 45
π
︎ Feb 18 2020
I got fired from the calendar factory
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jan 18 2020
Did you hear about the two thieves that stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 07 2020
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
π︎ 125
π
︎ Nov 19 2019
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory!
All I did was take a day off!
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 03 2019
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 13 2019
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 09 2019
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 07 2019
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
π︎ 32
π
︎ May 27 2019
Why was the calendar depressed?
Because itβs days were numbered!
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 07 2019
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
π︎ 80
π
︎ Nov 29 2018
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off!
π︎ 126
π
︎ Nov 25 2018
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