Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
I have got loads of back issues.
I told my son if he farted in the car he would have to give me 10$ of his 100$ monthly allowance.
I always get my 10 Per-Scent
I wonder how much the monthly bill is for toilet paper at the hospital
I paid a car dealership a monthly fee to drive a car for 2 years then after that I would return the car to the dealer...
It was the leased of my worries.
Have you heard about the new subscription service, that Gary Lineker has launched? 28 portions of green tea delivered monthly.
It’s called Matcha the Day
Why is a woman"s monthly called a period?
Because colon was already taken.
Which monthly climate hits the most?
I kept receiving broken yo-yo's from the new monthly yo-yo subscription
Well, they said there weren't any strings attached
Got my girlfriend with my monthly joke (again)
"It's OK baby, I know you're not really mad at me, you're just ovary acting!"
Why isn't there a monthly magazine about guns called Clip?
Have you seen this month's issue of Pylons Monthly magazine?
It has some shocking images.
Month puns
Help, I need a name pun for February. December was Decemburr, Jan-NEW-ary, etc...thanks in advance
When we first met you said you liked month puns and now you're telling me you never did...
Why July in the first place?
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...
Whats your favorite month?
Dad: July
Me: Why July?
Dad: I didn't lie
Someone removed the 5th month from all my calenders
I ran into my old barber today after going to a different guy for the last few months. He asked me why I’m not coming in to the shop anymore and I said,
“You just haven’t been cutting it lately.”
What’s a foot’s favorite month?
What’s a foot’s favorite month?
March
My six-year-old son made that up.
What is Mr T's favorite month?
For the first time in 6 months, it was warm enough to go outside in just a t-shirt today.
I probably should have worn pants, too.
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
In the first few months of my wife's pregnancy she wasn't showing
If there were months on an alternative “Planet-B”, would they be named the same?
Early this month scientists found out...
...and went directly in again
After this week's bad weather in Texas, there'll probably be a baby boom in nine months.
Why were the ants enthusiastic about next month?
They had to MARCH into April.
What is the best month to drink a lot of beer?
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
September, October, November, and December should have been the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th month.
Whoever screwed this up—- I hope he got stabbed.
It took me over 6 months to come up with a joke about calendars and clocks.
I hate working for what I want. Capitalism has ruined everything. Every time I dip my pen in the company ink, nine months later my wife hires a new employee.
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
What months have 28 days in them?
Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
It's been 6 months since I've had chicken.
What's the one month all soldiers hate?
One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..
I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying I’d exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
9 months really isn't that long...
It just feels like a maternity.
What's the Lion King's favorite month?
And just like that, 2020 won. Better start trainimg for the rematch in 12 months...it will be 2020 two.
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
3 months since I had COVID and I’ve still got very little sense of taste.
Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
I spent a solid month stitching together old wristwatches to make a belt
It was a waist of time...
My 9-month-old ate part of her sister's math homework.
Now we're waiting to see if she passes algebra.
I finally kicked out my girlfriend about six months ago, and it's been nothing but Happy Days for me since.
The bitch took all the other box sets.
I haven’t had a haircut in months, and I normally hate long hair, but I told my wife...
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know he’s being evicted
He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.
Proud Dad Moment
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said “I guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁
Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎
Last month I launched a book aimed at children.
I’m pleased to say I hit one of them
Anyone want some old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
I’ve got loads of back issues.
Anybody want my old copies of Chiropractic Monthly?
I have lots of back issues
Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly....
I've got loads of back issues.
Anyone need old copies of Chiropractor Monthly?
I have lots of back issues.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
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