Pun Day tomorrow!

Our country needs a day to honor the art of puns. My friends and I decided that the best way to do this is to have an annual Pun Day. This day always falls on the same Monday in January as MLK Day, and is barrels of fun. (Like monkeys)

So A) I would like to spread the reaches of Pun Day, maybe have others across the nation share it. and B) If you would like to follow my puns tomorrow, add me on snapchat @BillySakmann. Be sure to say you're from Reddit. Thanks and happy punning! I'm going to be spending a lot of thyme in the kitchen tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neonpanda96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
🚨︎ report
The first annual meeting of camouflage club was a disaster.

It looks like no one showed up.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Se7enineteen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!

I beat the raining champion.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn't invited to perform on the annual mushroom stand-up comedy show

I guess they must have realized I'm not a fungi.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Abaght
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If you tend sheep then you are a shepherd. If you tend cow then you are.....

The most important Dad at the annual neighborhood end of Summer barbeque bash!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MassGootz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The electric company I work for has a talent show at the annual company party.

One of the techs did a stand up comedy routine. The humor wasn’t very funny, it mostly went for shock value.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pikkl_rikk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do mathematicians hold their annual convention?

Times Square!

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My family all wore vests for the annual family photo day.

It was the vest day ever. Until i had to take mine off. I just wasn't as invested as they were.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HyperGameGuy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A baton walks into the annual walking stick confrence.

As he's entering, a security guard stops him and says "You have to leave now. This area is staff only."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Aristeian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
We are holding our annual social anxiety conference this weekend.

We hope to have more than 1 person show up this year.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do the knights of the round table have their annual gatherings?

At the Sir-conference

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mitcheg3k
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The American Ladder Institute has an annual meeting in October. They have several safety seminars and so on.

It’s their fall meeting.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/segfaulting_again
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a sign outside a camping shop advertising their annual sale. It read...

Now its the winter of discount tents!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Once again the annual ninja parade passed through town unnoticed.
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twitchy987
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was really nervous when I was asked to be the main speaker at the Introverts’ annual convention, but everything turned out ok.

Thankfully no one showed up.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
London Zoo is beginning it's annual stocktake...

And the pelican keepers warn that they could be facing some enormous bills.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrplShrp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Who calls balls and strikes at the annual Vatican softball game?

The Holy Roman Umpire!

... sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeowvan
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Warren Buffet (self-made billionaire) holds an annual conference for aspiring entrepreneurs.

When they go to lunch during the conference, they eat from the β€œBuffett Buffet.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/realmattmoseley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to apply at a vegetarian restaurant until I saw they were actually offering to pay an annual celery.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/resmungomandinga
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear how boring the annual gathering of reddit mascots turned out?

It really turned into a huge Snoo's fest.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
When food poisoning breaks out at the Annual Condiments Convention...

"We'll ketchup later but first I mus-turd!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CymbalTarget2327
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to the Dr. today for my annual physical.

He must not have slept much last night because he was feeling a little teste.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JT078
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
A man and his girlfriend plan their annual sex themed Olympics, and the man brags of his ability to win gold...

Dejected, his girlfriend says, "maybe you can take one for the team and try coming second for once."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godredd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Looks like October is...

Octover

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ericmc80
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
🚨︎ report
In the annual scientistific track and field meet, the geologists always lose

Proving once again that gneiss guys finish last.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Why was the tiger mad after the annual animal race?

Because the winner was a cheetah

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nurris
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
🚨︎ report
When I worked as a vet we had an annual competition to find the cat with the dirtiest butt and the winner would get a trophy. This competition wasn't too successful...

In fact, it was a cat-ass-trophy!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2017
🚨︎ report
The retirement center where my elderly grandmother lives has an annual 4th-of-July ball for the residents.

We call it "In Depends Dance Day."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoGators2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Annual Dad Joke Day

I propose that today, March 4, should be Annual Dad Joke Day. This is dedicated to my father, who has asked me, once a year, "What day of the year is a command?"

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruberik
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted me to skip my friend’s bbq to go to a play with her

Seems like a big missed-steak

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alphaw0lf212
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Planting some annuals today, told my son they had to be done immediately...

...because they were impatients.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ja647
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2015
🚨︎ report
President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

[from NPR -- http://www.npr.org/2016/11/23/503178220/president-obamas-2016-turkey-pardon-dad-jokes-the-definitive-list?utm_source=facebook.com

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the Easter Bunny go to the doctor?

It was time for his annual eggzam.

πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
🚨︎ report
For the first time ever, the Wisconsin State Fair has a competition where cattle draw maps.

It's the first annual Cowtography competition.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TBoneMKE
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
An email exchange with my Dad after a trip to the ER...

Me to Dad: Hey Dad! How's it going? I'm waiting for stitches. This seriously happens annually. I should buy a suture kit...

Dad to me: Crazy glue works as a surgical glue for some smaller injuries, hurts less than a suture needle, but hey... suture-self.

πŸ‘︎ 170
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Every year, I re-assess how much I support states' rights

It's my annual pro-state exam

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently went to a fundraiser to buy prosthetics for people with amputated fingers.

It was the third annual Thumb Drive.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bart-O-Kavanaugh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
[gun goes off]

[gun goes off]
[every runner falls over and pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
ANNOUNCER: Annnd the annual Dad 5k is underway...

^^^^^^source

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I've had this credit card for the past 14 years

In the beginning, there was no annual fee and it was 0% APR. Over the years they started taking away benefits and eventually introduced an annual fee. I complained to them and they offered to remove the fee every year as long as I called them. I've been waiving the fees for about 6 years now and boy are my arms tired.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/somechineseguy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
He fits these in everywhere

Eating steak

"This is the best steak I've had all day!"

End of my birthday

"This was the best birthday you've had all year!"

Any day of the week

"This was the best Sunday/Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday I've had all week!"

Along with the New Years jokes and other various annual holidays.

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youlovebj
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Got my fiancee good today!

We were driving through town and the annual festival was going on.

Fiancee: Corn Fest is back to being down town? What happened to it being at the airport?

Me: Not that many people went when it was held at the airport. I guess you could say, it never really took off.

I got the biggest groan and eyeroll ever.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MurphyRobocop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Where do mathematicians hold their annual conventions?

Times Square!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
🚨︎ report
President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.