My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?
Because they don't have pockets.
My 6 year old daughter was listening to music with me and came up with this one: What is a bananas favorite Tom Petty song?
You Dont Know How It Peels
Why does a calendar last for one year only?
Because its days are numbered
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?
Ive been waiting for one entire year for this moment
My 5 year old got me with this one:
5yo: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
5yo: To get to the dummy's house.
Me:...
5yo:...
Me:...
5yo: Knock Knock.
Me: Who's there?
5yo: The chicken.
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She smiled and answered...
One from my seven year old...
What’s tofu made from?
Toes, fool!
My friend's 4 year old said this one: Why did the dad cross the road?
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
Just got this one from my 90 year old grandma: when does a joke become a dad joke?
... when it is full groan!
(Glad she still has her sense of humor at her age; gives me hope for my future!)
From my 11 year old daughter. Did you hear the one about the man with the broken hearing aids?
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
My 5 year old came up with this one. What is a skeleton's favorite weapon?
A bone and arrow (Kid loves to play minecraft sooo... yeah)
Day one: happy new year everyone
Is it just me or does last year feel like yesterday
My 7 year old just came up with this one, made me so proud
EXTREMELY proud of my 5 year old son for this uninentional one:
Son: Dad...we need a net.
Me: Why?
Son: To catch our flight.
There is only one way to describe this year for Donald Trump.
All these years it was thought that Yoda only had one name. His family name is....
My 8 year old brother made this one: How does the fish cross the road?
This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?
If there’s one thing I learned over the years, its this…
When your wife starts a conversation with “Correct me if I’m wrong…” you just smile and agree. Don’t correct her, it’s a trap.
This time of year we switch out our old decorative squash for a new one -
It's the traditional changing of the gourd.
Not a joke: does anyone have any Dad jokes that I can use on my 5-year-old? I see maybe one joke per week on here that she would understand. Do we need a r/youngerdadjokes?
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. “You need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. “Do you mow the whole yard in one direction.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
My 10 year old daughter just told me this one. "What did the green grape say to the purple grape?"
"Breathe you idiot, BREATHE!"
I've never been so proud.
My son ate too much Easter candy one year, and threw it all up making loud wailing sounds as he did so.
I didn't want to hear another Peep out of him.
My one new years resolution was to start to use my Velcro wall more.
So far I'm sticking to it.
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.
She did not hold Up well.
When my six year old son asks what one minus one is...
(Got this one from my 4 year old) how do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Never been more proud
My 8 year old came up with this one, I still think about it:
Little Booger: Why are trees green?
Me: Uh, I dunno. Why?
LB: For camouflage!
Do you remember hearing your first dad joke? Is there one that has stuck with you through the years?
Mine was about 20 years ago, I was 17 at the time and going to my gf’s sisters house for dinner with her family. We brought some things to help with dinner. As we’re walking up to the house carrying the cookware, her dad looks back and says, “hey, now that you’re walking the wok, can you talk the talk?”. Not sure why but I’ll never forget that. Still makes me chuckle to this day. What’s yours?
There's not just leap years. A leap second is a one-second adjustment that is occasionally applied to Coordinated Universal Time (UTC)! Without it, GPS wouldn't work! Want me to really blow your mind?
Out of all the inventions in the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the best one.
My 9 year old just hit me with this one
My daughter didnt know what an inside joke was. After I explained it to her, she then announces an outside joke must be "knock knock...."
Four-year-old son unknowingly got me with this one
Me: We need to put on our jackets because it's a little cold outside today.
Son after stepping outside: No Dad, it's a big cold
Hi, I'm Poseidon. Just had to share this. I'm so proud of my boy. He's already working on his Christmas cards for this year, and I walked by and noticed what he was writing in each one.
My 8 years old invented this one and I am proudly sharing it with you all
Dad, do you know what an olive is?
A sick grape.
Joke my 4 year old came up with. What did one pilot say to the other?
Who’s flying this thing?!
Watching Rogue One with my 8 year old on Father’s Day
When Vader is force choking Orson Krennic and says, “Don’t choke on your ambitions.”
My son looked at my and said, “Ha Ha! Dad joke!”
So proud.
In an attempt to teach him shapes, I told my 2-year-old son to pick out the 3-sided shape with a 90 degree angle. He picked one...
It was the right triangle.
This light in the bathroom at my office has been out for a year. Today it was finally replaced. One might say it was the “highlight” of my day
My 5 year old just got me with this one: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
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