Ramen.
She's really eiducated.
Dad: Yes, because of Covid.
Son: No fair!
Dad: That’s what I said.
And I must say, it made it rather in-tents.
He heard that the comics had the crowds cracking up
It was the wurst.
But it turns out to be quite light
They were outstanding in their field
"Dude, you want some of this Molly?"
"No thanks, I've got visitation rights for my kid this weekend."
"So?"
"So, I've already got my ex to see."
He didn’t care for it. Too much sax and violins.
Was at the Kanye (Yeezus) performance this weekend and he kept doing this thing where he would start playing a song then cut it off about five seconds in and rant about something. The third time this happened a guy behind me yelled "More like Teezus, am i right?"
I guess no one's above the ja ruul of law
He said, "Try not to catch Hogwarts".
The King is in love with the Spanish Armada, in fact you could say he warships it.
I got into a fight with a group of jesters, I escaped by going for the juggler.
I recently read "Gulliver's Travels" it was a Swift read.
Have you read the book about traveling through hell? It's a Dante-ing read.
Q: How many animals can you fight into the Lord High Sheriff's tights? A: Ten piggies, two calves, a rooster and an ass.
Vikings raided the royal cheese supply, they left nothing behind but de Brie.
I met a wizard, I told him he looked like a mana action.
The unskilled mason forget to put a water supply in the new castle. He did not keep well.
The angry archer was so surly he had everyone convinced he was a cross bowman.
The failed stone cutter also lost his job as a bounty hunter. He could never find his quarry.
The nun kept spilling sacramental wine on herself. She made a bad habit of it.
The pope enjoys chocolate on his boat. He like sailing indulgences.
The pope loves summer, they say he is infallible.
Two fae fell in love. They keep fauning over each other.
The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced.
Why did the wood nymph use some much lotion? Because she had dryad skin.
Obviously its going to have Fair prices.
To pee or not to pee: that was the question.
This is an eggs-hiding opportunity!
“Sorry, son. I’m baroque”
I think that's a fair assessment.
They eat Holi mole.
'Ricotta be kidding me!'
They're calling it Allahpalooza some of the headliners include, The Suicide Girls, Bombye West, and The Big Bang Theory.
Fair fair fare & fare.
My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!
Yesterday a random girl was on my shoulders at a music festival. When she finally got down, I remarked "Well that's a weight off my shoulders!"
Needless to say she walked away and i never saw her again.
A guy was playing music while trying to sell his CDs. Between songs, he threw this out there: "Bought myself an AM radio the other day; I was really happy when I found out it still works in the evening!"
So we were at the local Renaissance festival on labor day and temps were getting up to the 90s. I see a guy carrying ice to one of the shops. Slyly I lean over to the wife and say: " Look honey, that guy has the coolest job."
Consider this one of my finest dad moment.
Me: "That was fun. I used to be addicted to these things"
Wife: "Addicted?"
Me: "Until I tried the pumpkin patch"
Wife: *silent no-u-didnt stare
I was with a few people at a festival, and saw a little girl pulling a baby goat back to her (the goat's) stall. I could resist saying
"Look at those two little kids!"
Groans were my cheers and facepalms were my applause
Judges declared it literally the wurst.
Dad: No. You’re grounded.
Son: No fair!
Dad: That’s exactly what I said.
Son: No fair!!
Dad: Exactly what I said.
Dad: No, it’s too dangerous.
Son: No fair!
Dad: Yes, that’s exactly what I said.
Dad: No, you are grounded.
Son: No fair!
Dad: That’s exactly what I said!
Him: No fair!
Me: That’s exactly what I said.
