Help, I need a name pun for February. December was Decemburr, Jan-NEW-ary, etc...thanks in advance
Why July in the first place?
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
It just feels like a maternity.
Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends
It’s growing on me.
The bitch took all the other box sets.
Now we're waiting to see if she passes algebra.
He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.
I’m pleased to say I hit one of them
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
Warmed in the microwave is so much better.
sorry, poor punctuation.
i’m giving up! masturbating for an entire month.
I don’t know why I’d be in the shower that long, just think of the water bill that’d make!
Sorry, that came out wrong.
I am giving up. Drinking for a month.
I've been out to at least 40 different bars since then, but no one seems to carry that brand. Anyone know where to find it?
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
(Credit to my 4-y old!)
She took plea A.
Because that would be entirely too long.
My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sally’s birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.
“Daddy”, she whispered tugging my shirt.
“Guess how old I’ll be next month?”
“I don’t know, honey.” I said as I slipped on my glasses. “How old?”
She smiled and held up 4 fingers.
It’s now 7:30am. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
Some insist on a shirt.
Others insist on a pair of socks.
The argument always ends in a tie.
But now I can look back and laugh.
I was nowhere to be seen.
For now, they're just cell mates.
What a waist of time.
At which point he started to go downhill pretty fast
My wife said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
She asked again: Why July?
I said: I didn't lie.
October. Why? Because he had a great fall. 😜✅💯
It’s my dream job.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
After 6 months, she woke up and asked the doctor about her kids, the doctor said "you had twins and they're both fine". She then asked who names them. The doctor said her brother then the woman started going "No, no, no, no, no, no." The doctor asked what's wrong. The woman said "my brother's an idiot! What'd he name them?" The doctor said "he named the girl Denise. The woman said "oh, that's not bad, what'd he name the boy?" The doctor said "Denephew."
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you. Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.