Month puns

Help, I need a name pun for February. December was Decemburr, Jan-NEW-ary, etc...thanks in advance

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
When we first met you said you liked month puns and now you're telling me you never did...

Why July in the first place?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AreebKhan619
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.

My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superj89
πŸ“…︎ May 18
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I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.

It’s my dream job.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Ramadan is starting today. To all my Muslim friends who are observing this holy month, I have one thing to say.

Lunch is on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Did you hear what they are going to call the generation of kids born 9 months from now?

Children of the quarn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Good_Kid_Mad_City
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
12 months...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicxs
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
There will be a baby boom in 9 months and

In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/user_is_name
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
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Did you know there were meant to only be 11 months?

They were going to make one named Vember, but it was decided β€œNo Vember,” it was then wildly misinterpreted

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Electrokid08
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
Pride: gets a whole month

The other 6 deadly sins: :(

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewolfiekitty
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I lost some weight last month.

But now it found me again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theredditman111
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Month

Son: what's your favourite month? Dad:July. Son:why July? Dad: I didn't lie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poe3inmotion
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Our friend Chuck hasn’t contacted us for months, so we renamed him Huck.

Because long time no C.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
My wife: for 7 months pregnant my belly looks small

Me, an intellectual: Yeah! Not as apparent.

P.S. Happened for real. She laughed and playfully hit me for pulling such a sneaky on her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
After months of being stuck inside I was excited to hear a few stores opened up with some major door busters

Turns out they were just rioters

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheeDarkNite
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
There will be a baby boom in 9 months.

And in 2033 we shall witness the rise of the quaranteens!!!

πŸ‘︎ 244
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaCheddar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Which is the most indecisive month?

May

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reverse_mango
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I told my mom that I’m planning to move to the Arctic circle for the next few months.

She said, β€œI don’t like your latitude.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
I decided to spend the lockdown months taking online lessons on escapology.

I need to get out more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Disney isn't going to die and go out of business even though they completely shut down operations and didn't produce anything for three months.

They just suspended animation.

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πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...

Oops, wrong sub

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superto3
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
My gas bill is through the roof this month!

I hope next time he goes back to using the letterbox

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveM06
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
The czech government month and a half ago...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/This-Is-De-Wae
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
It's been months since I've had a mutton kebab

I just can't seem to find a lamb doner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Innovandit
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Wife: β€œTommy said you’re giving up drinking for a month?”

Me: No, I said... β€œI’m giving up! Drinking for a month!”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fdharp0803
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
For the last few months, I’ve been noticing that my teenage son periodically breaks into hives.

I have no idea why he hates bees so much.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
Every month, I get a phase in which I make a lot of jokes about the +7 OS of iodine.

I make periodic periodic jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
My two month old daughter doesn’t like being put down to sleep.

I’m going to try complementing her instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
8 months later, you will say

Hindsight is 2020

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prasaadii
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I am giving up drinking for a month

Sorry that came out wrong.

I am giving up. Drinking for a month.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/purelibran
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
My friend was in court for killing 7 buffalo this past month.

When it came to the verdict the judge let him off scot-free; claiming it takes 8 buffalo to make a sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YarrowBeSorrel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
When your horoscope says you are going to fall ill this month

It's more of a horror scope

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyool_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
The scarecrow won employee of the month at work today

he was outstanding in the field

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oSocialPeanut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Anyone remember what happened this month in 1997?

No Biggie...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lombax_Rexroth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.

Everyone was dismayed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xnphls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
My brother wanted to stop getting his hair cut for 6 months, but now he doesn't want to get rid of his long hair anymore...

It really grew on him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoOfEmYesterday
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
My 9 month old spilled some of her lunch on her foot...

I guess she wanted to try out the avocado toes the hipsters talk about.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IndyPacers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call babies born 9 months from now?

Quaranteenies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RTUjenn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.

But now I can look back and laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Eventually everyone will be quarantined to their homes without sports and in 9 months babies will be born.

They will be known as the Coronials

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Why will the kids born 9 months from now be so creepy?

Because they will be The Children of the Quarn.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasticaFont
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
My Mom is stuck in Australia for the next month, so she called me

Boomer rang

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get the rent for this month together, but my wife kept showing me clips from 60 Minutes...

I should have known she'd try to Stahl...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment: After 5 months, I finally finished the jigsaw puzzle I was working on!

The box said 2-4 years.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahChristopher
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
They celebrate the trials and tribulations of the inventors of Kotex today during Women's History Month!

It's a rags to riches story

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?

I SAID NO-vember.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zjh31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
What's Tommy Wiseau favourite month?

Oh Hi March

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πŸ‘€︎ u/walkies3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a tumor on my leg. I didn’t enjoy it the first few months...

but it’s growing on me.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnicornMeat24
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
This guy pulled off a 5-month long con with a hidden fake mustache just to make a dad-joke pun...and it’s amazing
πŸ‘︎ 538
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreekAlphabetSoup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
9 months isn't really that long

It only feels like a maternity

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Some months have 30 days others 31. How many months have 28 days?

All of em!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viking2fi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
What’s everyone doing next month?

Cause I’m not sure - I don’t have 2020 vision.

You’re welcome, Dad

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
For the last few months, my son has been breaking into hives.

Not sure why he hates bees so much.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.

I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Dad: Hey there Timmy do you know which month has 27 days?

Timmy: That's easy dad! February!!!

Dad: Haha! Wrong! THEY ALL DO!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Xtabi-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A doctor gave a man 6 months to live

The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another 6 months

πŸ‘︎ 591
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ar1stocrat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
9 Months isn’t really that long

It just feels like a maternity

πŸ‘︎ 263
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRichestCuck
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
6 months and still no reply. They’re afraid of the truth
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kellyann59
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My six month old just started eating sweet potatoes

He likes it because it's yammy.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend visited both the North Pole and the South Pole this month

I guess you could say she’s bipolar

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thehobojuan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!

She's going to love these flowers!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me what I have planned for next month. I told her I don't know.

I don't have 20/20 vision.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadBoi4lyf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my vision last month, but I've started a business selling origami...

The name of my company is Blindfolds deluxe.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thejumbowumbo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
More puns from class yesterday but I waited until today because spooky month
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoppablefish8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I sent my hearing aids in for repair about a month ago.

I’ve heard nothing since

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Pink Floyd's "The Gnome" and David Bowie's "The Laughing Gnome" were released within a month of each other.

It was bignomeial.

Courtesy of my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
That singer who is a month too

April Lavigne

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JVPMBR
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't.

It's my longest running joke of the year.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother and I are very competitive at work but exactly alike. What takes me 3 months to complete, my brother . . .

dozen weeks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
When people ask me what I'm doing in 2 months

Me: I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cabrego01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I only lasted a month at the calender factory.

They fired me after taking a day off

πŸ‘︎ 659
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
When my wife is being irrational a few days every month...

I tell her she’s ovary-acting

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bfos89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My 4 month old daughter just got a shot in each leg.

Poor thing is so traumatized, I don't think she'll be walking on them for months.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverwingedOther
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months

They had a great piss-cal year

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthMaster7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad was told he only had 6 months to live. He said he wanted his ex wife to come live with him

Because It would be the longest 6 months of his life.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I made this comic last month
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hogwashgazette
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
It's been 6 months now since I joined the gym and I still haven't lost any weight....

Maybe it's time I went down there to see what's going on

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Every month I donate Β£500 to good causes.

Although it might be more if I tip the barman.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My 6 month old son has his first milk shake today.

My wife was breastfeeding him during the earthquake.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goconrad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I've moved three times in six months.

I'm developing an apartment complex.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bdazz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My job at the tea shop required 12 months of training

There’s a steep learning curve.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MewThree1416
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The Ctrl+S shortcut in my computer stopped working earlier this month.

No Save November has been great.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Negative_Integer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of this year.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
John Month

Is the title of the 4th John Wick movie.

1 month = 4 Wicks

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/molekyul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Halloween was last month?

Wow, feels like just yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Its been 3 months and they have'nt noticed my disguise yet
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vladetare
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month

Pump Kin Latte

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My good friend drowned while at the beach last month. I tearfully placed a life preserver on his coffin at the funeral.

It's what he would've wanted.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogue-_-robot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...

When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather

"vee haf vays of making you tock!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaultyData
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me our 6 month old daughter was having difficulty feeding at night. She’d become angry when milk didn’t flow quick enough and would stop nursing, but when she stopped nursing it would negate all the work she did to prime the pump.

I told her that sounds like a real catch titty two. She did not find it very funny.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pale_L
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How many months have 28 days?

. . All of them.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piccolo_Bass
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
9 Months really isn't that long

It just feels like a maternity

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFahrenheit1o1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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