Month puns
Help, I need a name pun for February. December was Decemburr, Jan-NEW-ary, etc...thanks in advance
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︎ Jan 16 2019
When we first met you said you liked month puns and now you're telling me you never did...
Why July in the first place?
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︎ Oct 06 2018
I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
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︎ Aug 19 2020
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
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︎ Nov 10 2020
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
9 months really isn't that long...
It just feels like a maternity.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
And just like that, 2020 won. Better start trainimg for the rematch in 12 months...it will be 2020 two.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
3 months since I had COVID and Iโve still got very little sense of taste.
Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends
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︎ Jan 04 2021
What's the Lion King's favorite month?
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︎ Dec 19 2020
What's the one month all soldiers hate?
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︎ Nov 11 2020
I havenโt had a haircut in months, and I normally hate long hair, but I told my wife...
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I finally kicked out my girlfriend about six months ago, and it's been nothing but Happy Days for me since.
The bitch took all the other box sets.
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︎ Jan 03 2021
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
My 9-month-old ate part of her sister's math homework.
Now we're waiting to see if she passes algebra.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know heโs being evicted
He opens the door and tells him โNamasteโ.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Last month I launched a book aimed at children.
Iโm pleased to say I hit one of them
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︎ Dec 17 2020
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
It's been 6 months since I've had chicken.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
Yup I quit cold turkey last month.
Warmed in the microwave is so much better.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What month really blows?
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I learned about these people in history class last month I feel smart
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︎ Nov 11 2020
iโm giving up masturbating for an entire month
sorry, poor punctuation.
iโm giving up! masturbating for an entire month.
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︎ Oct 09 2020
I havenโt showered for 3 months
I donโt know why Iโd be in the shower that long, just think of the water bill thatโd make!
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︎ Nov 23 2020
I am giving up drinking for a month.
Sorry, that came out wrong.
I am giving up. Drinking for a month.
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︎ Oct 03 2020
What was Jeffrey Dahmer's favourite month?
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Last month my doctor told me, "Bob, this is seriously urgent. You really have to start drinking less vodka."
I've been out to at least 40 different bars since then, but no one seems to carry that brand. Anyone know where to find it?
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
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︎ May 18 2020
In what month was Shrek born?
Oct-ogre
(Credit to my 4-y old!)
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︎ Sep 29 2020
The creature of the month: Octobe(a)r!
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︎ Oct 27 2020
The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Since my daughter was born I haven't slept for 11 months.
Because that would be entirely too long.
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︎ Oct 02 2020
My daughter asked how old she will be next month.
My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sallyโs birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.
โDaddyโ, she whispered tugging my shirt.
โGuess how old Iโll be next month?โ
โI donโt know, honey.โ I said as I slipped on my glasses. โHow old?โ
She smiled and held up 4 fingers.
Itโs now 7:30am. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
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︎ Oct 13 2020
December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.
Some insist on a shirt.
Others insist on a pair of socks.
The argument always ends in a tie.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
It wasnโt much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
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︎ Aug 24 2020
What Month Is the Opposite of November?
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︎ Nov 03 2020
Took a month off work and went to India to find myself...
I was nowhere to be seen.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
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︎ Oct 07 2020
I spent four months working out and still haven't got any abs...
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︎ Nov 01 2020
A month before my father died he started rubbing lard onto his body
At which point he started to go downhill pretty fast
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Next month, Iโm going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.
My wife said, โWhat are you going to do when you finally see it?โ
Me: Iโll cross that bridge when I get there.
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︎ Jul 10 2020
My kid asked me what's my favorite month and I answered, "July".
She asked again: Why July?
I said: I didn't lie.
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︎ Aug 21 2020
Hazard a guess what Humpty Dumpty's favourite month is
October. Why? Because he had a great fall. ๐โ
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︎ Oct 22 2020
I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
It took me months to forgive my science teacher for wearing this to school.
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︎ Sep 03 2020
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
A 3 months pregnant woman fell in a coma
After 6 months, she woke up and asked the doctor about her kids, the doctor said "you had twins and they're both fine". She then asked who names them. The doctor said her brother then the woman started going "No, no, no, no, no, no." The doctor asked what's wrong. The woman said "my brother's an idiot! What'd he name them?" The doctor said "he named the girl Denise. The woman said "oh, that's not bad, what'd he name the boy?" The doctor said "Denephew."
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︎ Oct 27 2020
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
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︎ Aug 16 2020
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