Help, I need a name pun for February. December was Decemburr, Jan-NEW-ary, etc...thanks in advance
When we first met you said you liked month puns and now you're telling me you never did...
Why July in the first place?
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.
Ramadan is starting today. To all my Muslim friends who are observing this holy month, I have one thing to say.
Did you hear what they are going to call the generation of kids born 9 months from now?
There will be a baby boom in 9 months and
In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"
Did you know there were meant to only be 11 months?
They were going to make one named Vember, but it was decided “No Vember,” it was then wildly misinterpreted
Pride: gets a whole month
The other 6 deadly sins: :(
I lost some weight last month.
But now it found me again.
Son: what's your favourite month?
Dad: I didn't lie
Our friend Chuck hasn’t contacted us for months, so we renamed him Huck.
My wife: for 7 months pregnant my belly looks small
Me, an intellectual: Yeah! Not as apparent.
P.S. Happened for real. She laughed and playfully hit me for pulling such a sneaky on her.
After months of being stuck inside I was excited to hear a few stores opened up with some major door busters
Turns out they were just rioters
There will be a baby boom in 9 months.
And in 2033 we shall witness the rise of the quaranteens!!!
Which is the most indecisive month?
I told my mom that I’m planning to move to the Arctic circle for the next few months.
She said, “I don’t like your latitude.”
I decided to spend the lockdown months taking online lessons on escapology.
Disney isn't going to die and go out of business even though they completely shut down operations and didn't produce anything for three months.
They just suspended animation.
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...
My gas bill is through the roof this month!
I hope next time he goes back to using the letterbox
The czech government month and a half ago...
It's been months since I've had a mutton kebab
I just can't seem to find a lamb doner
Wife: “Tommy said you’re giving up drinking for a month?”
Me: No, I said... “I’m giving up! Drinking for a month!”
For the last few months, I’ve been noticing that my teenage son periodically breaks into hives.
I have no idea why he hates bees so much.
Every month, I get a phase in which I make a lot of jokes about the +7 OS of iodine.
I make periodic periodic jokes.
My two month old daughter doesn’t like being put down to sleep.
I’m going to try complementing her instead.
8 months later, you will say
I am giving up drinking for a month
Sorry that came out wrong.
I am giving up. Drinking for a month.
My friend was in court for killing 7 buffalo this past month.
When it came to the verdict the judge let him off scot-free; claiming it takes 8 buffalo to make a sentence.
When your horoscope says you are going to fall ill this month
It's more of a horror scope
The scarecrow won employee of the month at work today
he was outstanding in the field
Anyone remember what happened this month in 1997?
The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.
My brother wanted to stop getting his hair cut for 6 months, but now he doesn't want to get rid of his long hair anymore...
My 9 month old spilled some of her lunch on her foot...
I guess she wanted to try out the avocado toes the hipsters talk about.
What do you call babies born 9 months from now?
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
Eventually everyone will be quarantined to their homes without sports and in 9 months babies will be born.
They will be known as the Coronials
Why will the kids born 9 months from now be so creepy?
Because they will be The Children of the Quarn.
My Mom is stuck in Australia for the next month, so she called me
I was trying to get the rent for this month together, but my wife kept showing me clips from 60 Minutes...
I should have known she'd try to Stahl...
Proud dad moment: After 5 months, I finally finished the jigsaw puzzle I was working on!
They celebrate the trials and tribulations of the inventors of Kotex today during Women's History Month!
It's a rags to riches story
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
What's Tommy Wiseau favourite month?
I’ve got a tumor on my leg. I didn’t enjoy it the first few months...
This guy pulled off a 5-month long con with a hidden fake mustache just to make a dad-joke pun...and it’s amazing
9 months isn't really that long
It only feels like a maternity
Some months have 30 days others 31. How many months have 28 days?
What’s everyone doing next month?
Cause I’m not sure - I don’t have 2020 vision.
For the last few months, my son has been breaking into hives.
Not sure why he hates bees so much.
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.
I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.
Dad: Hey there Timmy do you know which month has 27 days?
Timmy: That's easy dad! February!!!
Dad: Haha! Wrong! THEY ALL DO!
A doctor gave a man 6 months to live
The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another 6 months
9 Months isn’t really that long
It just feels like a maternity
6 months and still no reply. They’re afraid of the truth
My six month old just started eating sweet potatoes
He likes it because it's yammy.
My girlfriend visited both the North Pole and the South Pole this month
I guess you could say she’s bipolar
Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!
She's going to love these flowers!
My wife asked me what I have planned for next month. I told her I don't know.
I don't have 20/20 vision.
I lost my vision last month, but I've started a business selling origami...
The name of my company is Blindfolds deluxe.
More puns from class yesterday but I waited until today because spooky month
I sent my hearing aids in for repair about a month ago.
Pink Floyd's "The Gnome" and David Bowie's "The Laughing Gnome" were released within a month of each other.
It was bignomeial.
Courtesy of my dad.
That singer who is a month too
Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't.
It's my longest running joke of the year.
My brother and I are very competitive at work but exactly alike. What takes me 3 months to complete, my brother . . .
When people ask me what I'm doing in 2 months
Me: I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision
I only lasted a month at the calender factory.
They fired me after taking a day off
When my wife is being irrational a few days every month...
I tell her she’s ovary-acting
My 4 month old daughter just got a shot in each leg.
Poor thing is so traumatized, I don't think she'll be walking on them for months.
A company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months
They had a great piss-cal year
Dad was told he only had 6 months to live. He said he wanted his ex wife to come live with him
Because It would be the longest 6 months of his life.
I made this comic last month
It's been 6 months now since I joined the gym and I still haven't lost any weight....
Maybe it's time I went down there to see what's going on
Every month I donate £500 to good causes.
Although it might be more if I tip the barman.
My 6 month old son has his first milk shake today.
My wife was breastfeeding him during the earthquake.
I've moved three times in six months.
I'm developing an apartment complex.
My job at the tea shop required 12 months of training
There’s a steep learning curve.
The Ctrl+S shortcut in my computer stopped working earlier this month.
No Save November has been great.
Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.
It’s my longest running joke of this year.
Is the title of the 4th John Wick movie.
1 month = 4 Wicks
Halloween was last month?
Wow, feels like just yesterday
Its been 3 months and they have'nt noticed my disguise yet
Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month
My good friend drowned while at the beach last month. I tearfully placed a life preserver on his coffin at the funeral.
It's what he would've wanted.
My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...
When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather
"vee haf vays of making you tock!"
My wife told me our 6 month old daughter was having difficulty feeding at night. She’d become angry when milk didn’t flow quick enough and would stop nursing, but when she stopped nursing it would negate all the work she did to prime the pump.
I told her that sounds like a real catch titty two. She did not find it very funny.
How many months have 28 days?
9 Months really isn't that long
It just feels like a maternity