I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...
What is the best month to drink a lot of beer?
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
September, October, November, and December should have been the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th month.
Whoever screwed this up—- I hope he got stabbed.
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
What's the one month all soldiers hate?
And just like that, 2020 won. Better start trainimg for the rematch in 12 months...it will be 2020 two.
What's the Lion King's favorite month?
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know he’s being evicted
He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
The creature of the month: Octobe(a)r!
The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.
December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.
Some insist on a shirt.
Others insist on a pair of socks.
The argument always ends in a tie.
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
What Month Is the Opposite of November?
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.
My wife said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
What's the best month to have a parade?
I told my dad that I was planning to move to the Arctic circle for a few months.
He said, “I don’t like your latitude.”
Made to the beach finally, after months away, and joyously shouted..
..Hey ! Long time no Sea.
I haven’t been able find my pet turtle for the past few months
Turns out he’s just been sheltering in place.
During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...
...that's where I finally had to draw the line.
Did you hear what they are going to call the generation of kids born 9 months from now?
In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.
After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...
"You reap what you saw".
In the 5th month of every year...
My aunt let's her pigs in the field.
Its Mayham!
Which is the most indecisive month?
The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.
The czech government month and a half ago...
I always wondered about the fight between Dio and Jotaro. Even though Dio had trained for months before facing him, Jotaro still destroyed him in the end
Ig he really didn't stand a chance
The #1 item pickpocketed during last months protests were mirrors
This doesn't reflect well on the protestors
Every month, I get a phase in which I make a lot of jokes about the +7 OS of iodine.
I make periodic periodic jokes.
My gas bill is through the roof this month!
I hope next time he goes back to using the letterbox
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...
I decided to spend the lockdown months taking online lessons on escapology.
For the last few months, I’ve been noticing that my teenage son periodically breaks into hives.
I have no idea why he hates bees so much.
The scarecrow won employee of the month at work today
he was outstanding in the field
Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.
It’s my longest running joke of this year.
Proud dad moment: After 5 months, I finally finished the jigsaw puzzle I was working on!
I’ve got a tumor on my leg. I didn’t enjoy it the first few months...
I only lasted a month at the calender factory.
They fired me after taking a day off
I was trying to get the rent for this month together, but my wife kept showing me clips from 60 Minutes...
I should have known she'd try to Stahl...
They celebrate the trials and tribulations of the inventors of Kotex today during Women's History Month!
It's a rags to riches story
6 months and still no reply. They’re afraid of the truth
I told my mom that I’m planning to move to the Arctic circle for the next few months.
She said, “I don’t like your latitude.”
Why will the kids born 9 months from now be so creepy?
Because they will be The Children of the Quarn.
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