Help, I need a name pun for February. December was Decemburr, Jan-NEW-ary, etc...thanks in advance
Why July in the first place?
Secretly (when my wife was out), I'd ask her "who do you love more?", and praise her when she said "dadda!". This has been going on for weeks now.
The other day, my wife got home and I wanted to show her my little 'trick'. So I asked our daughter, "Who do you love more?", in which case she replied "dadda!" and ran towards my wife (which is very clearly her favourite btw).
My wife, who didn't care much for the new thing I taught our daughter, bent down and picked her up to cuddle with her. Her facial expression changed a bit, then she laughed. She looked at me and said "well, she ran to me as she said that, and her diaper is full... so clearly she was full of crap when she said that!"
My wife is now in on the dad jokes and won this one!
Edit: Bolded the text to emphasize what part of this story was the dad joke...
Final Edit: My wife was surprised at how much this blew up! She says thanks to everyone, but she has no idea what the awards are for (since she doesn’t use Reddit). 😂
Because pride cometh before the fall.
But really, it just smells like teen spirit.
Now I'm stuck here dealing with all this emotional baggage.
We call him Los now.
There's nothing there to bring them down
Don’t laugh, this is cereal.
I'm eggnogstic
The box said 2-4 years.
Her friends saw her and asked, "Mary, what are YOU doing here??"
Mary said, "I get knocked up, but I get down again."
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied “well then it would just be overCOWded”
Thanks guys
It’s my dream job.
I am really dismayed
That can't be good for his back.
Dad: July
Me: Why July?
Dad: I didn't lie
The Quaranteens
My mother FaceTimed me so I could show her my sister and her baby
I went into my sister's room and said, "Hey mom wants to see you. Can you say a quick hello?"
Sister: Sure but just for a minute, I'm exhausted.
BIL, without dropping a beat: Hi exhausted, I'm a new dad!
Old but gold
What’s a foot’s favorite month? March
My six-year-old son made that up.
Sorry wrong punctuation. I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
“You just haven’t been cutting it lately.”
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
I probably should have worn pants, too.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
Quaranteens.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
That snow coincidence.
Whoever screwed this up—- I hope he got stabbed.
Febrewery
...and went directly in again
The baby was inapparent
May-B ....
They had to MARCH into April.
It's about time.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
I need a Plan B.
It just feels like a maternity.
DeSIMBA!
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
