I need your help. Our August pun sucks.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShrimpGuts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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I Need help coming up with an August pun! Each month I write something nice on our calendar to my wife using the month as a pun. Can’t think of one for August! Can anyone help?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SFV650
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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I asked my kids when they wanted to go on vacation. I asked β€œWould July to August be okay?”

My son replied, β€œWhy would I lie to August? That’s not nice.”

I got dad-schooled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
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Growing up I always thought a prima donna was someone born before August 16, 1958
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_1337_Canadian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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What do you call a mentally handicapped young male gymnast born on August 1st?

A leotard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/False_Grit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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Im going to release my next on AUgust.

Hopefully I get gold by then

Edit : Next pun*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingDoni
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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Is today really August?

Or are Julying to me?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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Why do pirates hate May, June July and August?

Because they don't have Arrrrrs in them!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAcid25
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2017
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My dad was born August 23rd.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftedgothic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2013
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I only associate with fair skinned people born between July 22 and August 22.

I'm on the pale leo diet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
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He is right there...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eucliditorian
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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You said everything would be back to normal by the end of June...

July-ed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredwardofox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
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Finally 2020 is over

So glad that 7-8-2020

(Non-Americans feel free to post on 7 August)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peacetoall1969
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
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Why are people talking about Mayweather?

It's August

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellefak02
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2017
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Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an off

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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A truck driver drives during an intense winter strom

The truck driver comes to a stop. The woman in the car behind him gets out of her car and knocks on the truck driver's window:

"Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!"

The truck driver is confused and continues his path until the next stop. The woman knocks on his window again.

"Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!"

The truck driver is even more confused and continues to drive. At the next stop, the woman comes to knock again on his window.

"Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!"

The truck driver gets angry and says:

"Would you please shut up! I'm putting salt on the road!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomGuyNumber1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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My dad thinks he's pretty clever. [xpost from /r/pics]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queenpersephone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
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How many seconds are there in a year?
  1. January 2nd, Feburary 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd & December 2nd.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDDankUs420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Today is a soldier's least favorite day

What day does a soldier hate the most?

March 4th!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theverybest264
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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Why is gold blowing through the wind?

Because it's August.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
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In a certain part of Africa, the migratory pattern of lions heralds the changing of seasons

The people say that the lions come at the end of August with such regularity, they can begin to prepare for winter on the day they arrive. After all, The Pride comes before the fall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormag778
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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My das just dropped this one on me

"There's going to be an eclipse in August. Don't look at it with a naked eye. Make sure you're wearing clothes...."

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2017
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I'm a Dad. I rock this one constantly

Whenever I see something with an expiration date that has a ridiculous time a lotted for consumption I will say... For instance today is august 16,2013 If i buy cereal today that expires on november 2015 I will say "we have to hurry up and eat this by november 2015!" Hahaha...crickets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ron247365
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
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This is a grandfather joke...

My grandparents were at a dinner theater show. The premise is that it was a wedding reception. It was in August. The actor playing the minister was standing next to Grammy and Papa's table, mopping sweat from his forehead. Papa': Good evening, reverend. Are you by chance Presbyterian? Actor: No...why do you ask? Papa': You appear to be "presbyreing"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoodItYoursefl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
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I needed a hose.

I went to the hardware store and told the attendant that I needed a hose. He asked, "How long?" I said, "At least until the end of August."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoCoFoCo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2016
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Standing at the bus stop with my boyfriend

A girl was running to catch the bus wearing a fur coat - in AUGUST. Me: "is she crazy? She must be Russian." Him: " Well I guess she wasn't Russian enough for that bus. Heh heh heh!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/desideratumm
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
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My mom and I were talking about my two friends, Taylor and Taylor...

I was talking about their wedding last August. Apparently, it was the first time my dad heard me talk about them (or at least paid attention).

Dad: If you say Taylor and Taylor real quick, does that make it... sly grin ...Taylor Swift?

Mom and I: OH MY GOD.

Dad: You called?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShellzNCheez
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2015
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