Why won’t Trump be able enter the White House on January 21st?
Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?
Because it's only the first date
January sales - 50% off all medieval torture devices.
Why are so many medical examiners hired on January 1st?
It's always, "New Year, new ME"
For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
On January 1st 2021, we'll have perfect 2020 hindsight
What do you call January 2021?
If you were born between December 22nd and January 20th then that means you're a part of the
I'm tired of 1080p. Come January, I'm getting a 4K TV
It will be a new year's resolution.
If january threw a parade would february march?
My dad can't wait for January 1st
It'll be the first time we'll be in 20/20
I can't wait for January 1, 2021
Then, hindsight will be 2020.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons [xpost /r/trees]
This joke caters to the lowest common denominator.
Actual conversation with my wife this morning after receiving a wedding invitation: wife: "I put January 19th in the calendar"
Me: "it wasn't there already!?"
My dad has been in the hospital. The nurse came in and asked “When’s your birthday?” “January 19th” “of what year?”
My fiance told me "Metallica has a concert in January" and I said " They're on the road again?"
Why did somebody buy a 4K tv on January 1st
It was his New Year’s resolution
It's 1am on January 1st where I live.
I haven't slept since last year, and I'm EXHAUSTED!
Today is January 25th, and you know what that means:
It's 11 months until Christmas.
My mate was sober entire month in January
And now it’s time for Febrewery.
In February 1989, dogs were banned from the White House until January 1993.
They kept peeing on the Bushes and chasing the Quayles.
It January second and people already have their Christmas lights up....this is getting ridiculous.
Every year, January 1st, 12:01AM, the past 10 years
Phone call from my dad "Where the hell are you? I haven't seen or heard from you all year, don't you care about your mother and I anymore!?!"
My favorite thing to say on January 1st
I remember last year like it was yesterday.
My teacher asked if a student was out any days in January
I responded "No, he was joeseph ever day in January! "
My teacher isn't too fond of me.
It's only January 2nd....
...and the TVs are already playing Christmas commercials!
Did this at work to a client (Ive been practicing baby is due in January, hope this still counts)
Client: this building looks horrible I wouldn't be surprised if there was asbestos everywhere
Me: hey we are doing as bestas we can!
You shouldn't kiss anyone on January 1st because it's only the first date.
You shouldn’t kiss anyone on January 1st
You shouldn't kiss anyone on January 1st
It's 2:00am on January 1st where I live.
I haven't slept since last year and I'm EXHAUSTED!
Me: You shouldn’t kiss someone on January 1st
Daughter: Why not?
Me: Because it’s the first date