Why won’t Trump be able enter the White House on January 21st?

It’s forbiden

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
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Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?

Because it's only the first date

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chandan_2294
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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January sales - 50% off all medieval torture devices.

Only while stocks last.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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Why are so many medical examiners hired on January 1st?

It's always, "New Year, new ME"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elnateo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.

It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
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On January 1st 2021, we'll have perfect 2020 hindsight
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarlSaganIsDead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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What do you call January 2021?

A Twenty-One Pilot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pax_flash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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If you were born between December 22nd and January 20th then that means you're a part of the
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrikamiPanio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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I'm tired of 1080p. Come January, I'm getting a 4K TV

It will be a new year's resolution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WildcardSearch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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If january threw a parade would february march?

no but april may!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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My dad can't wait for January 1st

It'll be the first time we'll be in 20/20

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyQueen502
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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I can't wait for January 1, 2021

Then, hindsight will be 2020.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kellzone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons [xpost /r/trees]

This joke caters to the lowest common denominator.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zakmackay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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Actual conversation with my wife this morning after receiving a wedding invitation: wife: "I put January 19th in the calendar"

Me: "it wasn't there already!?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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My dad has been in the hospital. The nurse came in and asked β€œWhen’s your birthday?” β€œJanuary 19th” β€œof what year?”

β€œEvery year” he answered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cellar______Door
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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My fiance told me "Metallica has a concert in January" and I said " They're on the road again?"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crestfallencorpse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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Why did somebody buy a 4K tv on January 1st

It was his New Year’s resolution

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pizzamonster482
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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It's 1am on January 1st where I live.

I haven't slept since last year, and I'm EXHAUSTED!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordHussyPants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
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Today is January 25th, and you know what that means:

It's 11 months until Christmas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agoatforavillage
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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My mate was sober entire month in January

And now it’s time for Febrewery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teressapanic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
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In February 1989, dogs were banned from the White House until January 1993.

They kept peeing on the Bushes and chasing the Quayles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverStryfe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
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It January second and people already have their Christmas lights up....this is getting ridiculous.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meatballin12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
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Every year, January 1st, 12:01AM, the past 10 years

Phone call from my dad "Where the hell are you? I haven't seen or heard from you all year, don't you care about your mother and I anymore!?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clouderold
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
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My favorite thing to say on January 1st

I remember last year like it was yesterday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OpticMoose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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My teacher asked if a student was out any days in January

I responded "No, he was joeseph ever day in January! " My teacher isn't too fond of me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyslexicsloth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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It's only January 2nd....

...and the TVs are already playing Christmas commercials!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IFUCKINGLOVEMUSIC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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Did this at work to a client (Ive been practicing baby is due in January, hope this still counts)

Client: this building looks horrible I wouldn't be surprised if there was asbestos everywhere Me: hey we are doing as bestas we can!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/filthcradle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
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You shouldn't kiss anyone on January 1st because it's only the first date.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/citiesofsilver
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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You shouldn’t kiss anyone on January 1st

It’s only the first date

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
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You shouldn't kiss anyone on January 1st

It's only the first date

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silverbmo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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It's 2:00am on January 1st where I live.

I haven't slept since last year and I'm EXHAUSTED!

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordHussyPants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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Me: You shouldn’t kiss someone on January 1st

Daughter: Why not?

Me: Because it’s the first date

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lobsman12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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