My phone camera got an image quality upgrade on January 1st.
It was Apple's New Years Resolution.
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︎ May 07 2021
Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?
Because it's only the first date
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︎ Oct 01 2020
βCapitol Razingβ audiobook ignited the January 6th Capitol Riots
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︎ Mar 05 2021
Why wonβt Trump be able enter the White House on January 21st?
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︎ Jan 15 2021
January sales - 50% off all medieval torture devices.
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Why are so many medical examiners hired on January 1st?
It's always, "New Year, new ME"
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︎ Dec 31 2020
On January 1st 2021, we'll have perfect 2020 hindsight
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︎ Dec 02 2020
What is president elect Joseph Robinette Biden going to do until January 20th?
Heβll be Biden his time!
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︎ Jan 17 2021
For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
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︎ Jan 11 2021
What do you call January 2021?
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︎ Sep 15 2020
If you were born between December 22nd and January 20th then that means you're a part of the
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︎ Jan 09 2020
I'm tired of 1080p. Come January, I'm getting a 4K TV
It will be a new year's resolution.
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︎ Sep 07 2019
If january threw a parade would february march?
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︎ Jan 14 2020
My dad can't wait for January 1st
It'll be the first time we'll be in 20/20
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︎ Nov 30 2019
I can't wait for January 1, 2021
Then, hindsight will be 2020.
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︎ Oct 09 2019
Actual conversation with my wife this morning after receiving a wedding invitation: wife: "I put January 19th in the calendar"
Me: "it wasn't there already!?"
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︎ Jun 13 2019
My dad has been in the hospital. The nurse came in and asked βWhenβs your birthday?β βJanuary 19thβ βof what year?β
βEvery yearβ he answered
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︎ Jan 09 2019
My fiance told me "Metallica has a concert in January" and I said " They're on the road again?"
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︎ Dec 12 2018
It's 1am on January 1st where I live.
I haven't slept since last year, and I'm EXHAUSTED!
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︎ Dec 31 2016
Why did somebody buy a 4K tv on January 1st
It was his New Yearβs resolution
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︎ Dec 31 2018
In February 1989, dogs were banned from the White House until January 1993.
They kept peeing on the Bushes and chasing the Quayles.
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︎ Dec 17 2016
Today is January 25th, and you know what that means:
It's 11 months until Christmas.
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︎ Jan 25 2018
My mate was sober entire month in January
And now itβs time for Febrewery.
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︎ Feb 03 2018
It January second and people already have their Christmas lights up....this is getting ridiculous.
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︎ Jan 03 2017
Every year, January 1st, 12:01AM, the past 10 years
Phone call from my dad "Where the hell are you? I haven't seen or heard from you all year, don't you care about your mother and I anymore!?!"
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︎ Jun 11 2014
My favorite thing to say on January 1st
I remember last year like it was yesterday.
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︎ Dec 31 2014
It's only January 2nd....
...and the TVs are already playing Christmas commercials!
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︎ Jan 03 2014
My teacher asked if a student was out any days in January
I responded "No, he was joeseph ever day in January! "
My teacher isn't too fond of me.
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︎ Mar 11 2015
Did this at work to a client (Ive been practicing baby is due in January, hope this still counts)
Client: this building looks horrible I wouldn't be surprised if there was asbestos everywhere
Me: hey we are doing as bestas we can!
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︎ Aug 12 2014
You shouldn't kiss anyone on January 1st because it's only the first date.
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︎ Dec 22 2014
You shouldnβt kiss anyone on January 1st
Itβs only the first date
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︎ Jan 07 2018
It's 2:00am on January 1st where I live.
I haven't slept since last year and I'm EXHAUSTED!
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︎ Dec 31 2014
You shouldn't kiss anyone on January 1st
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︎ Jun 10 2018
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