Why july?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Active_Ordinary
πŸ“…︎ May 29
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Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July....

But not fire....fire works on the 4th of July

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogOffPleez
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
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My boss said that an outdoor concert was fine this fourth of July celebration despite the forecast f rain...

Just so I cover all the bassists.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
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Not everyone has Happy 4th of July.
πŸ‘︎ 200
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrepreached
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Happy 4th July :D
πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CookieMcCrumble
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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No offense to anyone born in late june to early july but...

I hate cancer

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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National Orgasm day is coming (July 31)

You should really try to get off that day if you can.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paddirn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Everywhere else it’s July 24 except the UK

where it’s the end of May.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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What do you call a duck on the Fourth of July?

A firequacker!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glucose-fructose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Selling fireworks around the 4th of July must be a booming industry
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πŸ‘€︎ u/delmastron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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'Fire works' sign on the 4th of July at the Fanny Bay trail (Osceola forest, FL)
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JelloPud
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Why was fire sad on July 4th?

Because fire works on July 4th

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vshesha
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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Everyone has the 4th of July off except fire

Fireworks on the 4th of July

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Since my kids last birthday in July no one has asked me...

... how old my kids are.

This is going to be a missed opportunity as their next birthday is creeping up fast (this coming July obviously).

Their ages? 7 and 11. πŸ˜”

I just want to be able to say 7-11.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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My girlfriend and I broke up on July 4th.

I guess that’s why they call it Independence Day

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hyacinthocornu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Selling fireworks around the 4th of July must be a really...

Booming industry

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/delmastron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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What do you eat on the 5th of July

Independence day old pizza

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dogman0565
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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A 4th of July riddle:

What’s the difference between George Washington and a duck?

One has his face on a bill and the other has a bill on his face.

Be safe this holiday and have a great weekend !!!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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The USA turns 241 years old this July 4th...

... which means that it will go back to being indivisible

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soxman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
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Some people have off on July 4th. Fire does not. Fire works on the Fourth of July
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PandaYoshi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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While driving my wife says to me: there is a problem with my check in July.

Me: check in July?

Wife: yes, it is on

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Happy Fourth of July!!!

But have you wondered where the other 75% is?

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davekrawczyk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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I have a friend who was born on July 5th. Every year for his birthday I get him a 3 foot long fence post. He hates it.

It might be stupid, but 5/7 wood post again.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rikers_lightsaber
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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My dad said that he got divorced on the 4th of July.

He got the paperwork on the 2nd and waited to sign until the 4th because it's "Independence day"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squach509
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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4th of July joke

Did you hear about the firecracker that wouldn't explode?

It refused

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murphy223
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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What do you call a snowman in July?

A puddle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P1QEL
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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I opened a can of beer and on the side it said, β€œBest drunk before July, 2018.”

It feels great to be finally recognized for my achievements.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
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for the 4th of july, here's a little known america fact: did you know that as the national bird, there’s a whole list of things that you can’t do to an eagle under federal law?

obviously you can't kill one, but you also can't relocate one from where it's living, cause an eagle nest to come to any harm, and the oddest part, as i'm not sure how they'd even track this, is there's even a bit in the law about infecting them with any communicable diseases?

but i suppose there's really no way around that being ill eagle

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:

"......gneiss guys finish last."

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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This July heat really gets to me (guess the pun!)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiggidytom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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Me to my wife: What is the best way to start the 4th of July?

With a bang! πŸ‘‰πŸ‘Œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pickled_Ramaker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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My wife just asked me if England had the 4th of July

Confused, I immediately replied, "No, they don't..."

She came back with, "Of course they do. They also have the 5th, and the 6th, and the 7th..."

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisguidedPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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At our town's 4th of July fireworks show, a vendor was selling pet turtles. My wife, impulsive animal lover that she is, bought one.

After the fireworks, we were gathering up our things to leave. She asked if her new turtle was OK. I picked up its little carrier, peered inside, and said, "It looks a little shell-shocked."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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Why do pirates hate May, June July and August?

Because they don't have Arrrrrs in them!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAcid25
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2017
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Son: Do they have the 4th of July in France?

Dad: No they skip from the 3rd to the 5th.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AZDiablo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
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The retirement center where my elderly grandmother lives has an annual 4th-of-July ball for the residents.

We call it "In Depends Dance Day."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoGators2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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Too soon, bad taste, couldn't help myself (4th of July Dad Joke)

We're talking about that poor guy who passed on after accidentally lighting fireworks attached to his head on the 4th.

My wife: "I mean, what do you even say that guy's funeral?"

Me: "Well, at least he went out with a bang."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/camram07
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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4th of July Dad Joke

We had bought some snake fireworks for my two year old to look at. Our driveway was wet from all of the rain we were getting. We found a piece of wood to lay down so the fireworks didn't get wet. That's when I said "Look! It's snakes on a plank!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kmo78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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My dad: Do they have a 4th of July in England?

Me: No, why would they?

My dad: Of course they do, they just don't celebrate it!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2015
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When asked the date, my friend answered, "July one"...

I asked, "so who lost?"

It was fun watching his face change expression as he tried to figure out what I meant, then the penny dropped, and he glared at me. There may have been threats that involved throwing objects at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hackerific
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2015
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Why is the 4th of July?

J is the 1st, u is the 2nd, l is the 3rd, and y is the 4th of July.

While my Grandfather was still alive he would tell this to us every year.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NautiBoppi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2015
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My FiancΓ©: What do our weekends look like in July?

Me: Mainly Saturdays and Sundays

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecolemanation
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2014
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My dad's birthday is today, the end of the July....

It's just the front end.

(Actual dad joke I hear from him every year.)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/felatiodeltoro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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Dad-joked my friend about the 4th of July

My friends were talking about what they were doing for the 4th of July and we were all going out of town except for one friend. She said "I'll be here, holding down the fort."

"You mean holding down the 4th?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theflobster7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July, except for fire

Fire works on the 4th of July

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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