My birthday is on July 24th, shame I was born in america. If I was born anywhere else....

my birthday would be 24/7

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Aglaz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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My kid asked me what's my favorite month and I answered, "July".

She asked again: Why July?

I said: I didn't lie.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/detharos
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Happy 1st of July
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chchnz88
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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I asked my kids when they wanted to go on vacation. I asked โ€œWould July to August be okay?โ€

My son replied, โ€œWhy would I lie to August? Thatโ€™s not nice.โ€

I got dad-schooled.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zedhead0628
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DeusJZ
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Both my ex and I were born in July

She said I was a crab.

I said she was cancer.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Does England have a 4th of July?

Of coarse they do, it doesnโ€™t jump from July 3rd to July 5th.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chrisprater6986
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July.

But not fire. . . . . Fire works on 4th of July.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YeaOrna
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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I was just chillin by the pool on the 4th of July with my 11 yr old. I told him I got a little Sun...

And then you had a growth spurt.

It took him a few minutes...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jvanzandd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Every year on July 4th a group of ants get together inside a pen and have a dancing party.

It's "In the Pen Dance Day"!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/defa90
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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My sister and I were making a pie for the 4th of July

After making it, we opened the fridge to cool it. After being unable to find space for it, I suggested we move the steaks that my mom is saving for dinner. As we put them on a higher shelf, I looked at her and said โ€œThe steaks have been raisedโ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Miki-Corkrei
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Why are there no knock knock jokes about the Fourth of July?

Because freedom rings.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gasoline-rainbows
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Not everyone has Happy 4th of July.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/andrepreached
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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My boss said that an outdoor concert was fine this fourth of July celebration despite the forecast f rain...

Just so I cover all the bassists.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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Happy 4th July :D
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CookieMcCrumble
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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The USA turns 241 years old this July 4th...

... which means that it will go back to being indivisible

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/soxman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
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Everywhere else itโ€™s July 24 except the UK

where itโ€™s the end of May.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ZonieDrew
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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National Orgasm day is coming (July 31)

You should really try to get off that day if you can.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/paddirn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Selling fireworks around the 4th of July must be a booming industry
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/delmastron
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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What do you call a duck on the Fourth of July?

A firequacker!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/glucose-fructose
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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No offense to anyone born in late june to early july but...

I hate cancer

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kishenoy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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'Fire works' sign on the 4th of July at the Fanny Bay trail (Osceola forest, FL)
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JelloPud
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Everyone has the 4th of July off except fire

Fireworks on the 4th of July

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Why was fire sad on July 4th?

Because fire works on July 4th

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vshesha
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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Since my kids last birthday in July no one has asked me...

... how old my kids are.

This is going to be a missed opportunity as their next birthday is creeping up fast (this coming July obviously).

Their ages? 7 and 11. ๐Ÿ˜”

I just want to be able to say 7-11.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NZOC
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2019
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My girlfriend and I broke up on July 4th.

I guess thatโ€™s why they call it Independence Day

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hyacinthocornu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Selling fireworks around the 4th of July must be a really...

Booming industry

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/delmastron
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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While driving my wife says to me: there is a problem with my check in July.

Me: check in July?

Wife: yes, it is on

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Anthonybrose
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 10 2019
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What do you eat on the 5th of July

Independence day old pizza

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dogman0565
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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A 4th of July riddle:

Whatโ€™s the difference between George Washington and a duck?

One has his face on a bill and the other has a bill on his face.

Be safe this holiday and have a great weekend !!!

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Some people have off on July 4th. Fire does not. Fire works on the Fourth of July
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PandaYoshi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Happy Fourth of July!!!

But have you wondered where the other 75% is?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/davekrawczyk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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I have a friend who was born on July 5th. Every year for his birthday I get him a 3 foot long fence post. He hates it.

It might be stupid, but 5/7 wood post again.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rikers_lightsaber
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:

"......gneiss guys finish last."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SoDakZak
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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My dad said that he got divorced on the 4th of July.

He got the paperwork on the 2nd and waited to sign until the 4th because it's "Independence day"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Squach509
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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4th of July joke

Did you hear about the firecracker that wouldn't explode?

It refused

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Murphy223
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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I opened a can of beer and on the side it said, โ€œBest drunk before July, 2018.โ€

It feels great to be finally recognized for my achievements.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
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What do you call a snowman in July?

A puddle.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/P1QEL
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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for the 4th of july, here's a little known america fact: did you know that as the national bird, thereโ€™s a whole list of things that you canโ€™t do to an eagle under federal law?

obviously you can't kill one, but you also can't relocate one from where it's living, cause an eagle nest to come to any harm, and the oddest part, as i'm not sure how they'd even track this, is there's even a bit in the law about infecting them with any communicable diseases?

but i suppose there's really no way around that being ill eagle

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/severalghostsatonce
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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This July heat really gets to me (guess the pun!)
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tiggidytom
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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Me to my wife: What is the best way to start the 4th of July?

With a bang! ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘Œ

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Pickled_Ramaker
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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My wife just asked me if England had the 4th of July

Confused, I immediately replied, "No, they don't..."

She came back with, "Of course they do. They also have the 5th, and the 6th, and the 7th..."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MisguidedPenguin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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At our town's 4th of July fireworks show, a vendor was selling pet turtles. My wife, impulsive animal lover that she is, bought one.

After the fireworks, we were gathering up our things to leave. She asked if her new turtle was OK. I picked up its little carrier, peered inside, and said, "It looks a little shell-shocked."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July....

But not fire....fire works on the 4th of July

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LogOffPleez
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July, except for fire

Fire works on the 4th of July

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/paoerfuuul
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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