My son replied, “Why would I lie to August? That’s not nice.”
I got dad-schooled.
She said I was a crab.
I said she was cancer.
Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.
Of coarse they do, it doesn’t jump from July 3rd to July 5th.
But not fire. . . . . Fire works on 4th of July.
And then you had a growth spurt.
It took him a few minutes...
It's "In the Pen Dance Day"!
Because freedom rings.
After making it, we opened the fridge to cool it. After being unable to find space for it, I suggested we move the steaks that my mom is saving for dinner. As we put them on a higher shelf, I looked at her and said “The steaks have been raised”
Just so I cover all the bassists.
where it’s the end of May.
You should really try to get off that day if you can.
Fireworks on the 4th of July
Because fire works on July 4th
... how old my kids are.
This is going to be a missed opportunity as their next birthday is creeping up fast (this coming July obviously).
Their ages? 7 and 11. 😔
I just want to be able to say 7-11.
... which means that it will go back to being indivisible
I guess that’s why they call it Independence Day
Independence day old pizza
What’s the difference between George Washington and a duck?
One has his face on a bill and the other has a bill on his face.
Be safe this holiday and have a great weekend !!!
Me: check in July?
Wife: yes, it is on
But have you wondered where the other 75% is?
It might be stupid, but 5/7 wood post again.
He got the paperwork on the 2nd and waited to sign until the 4th because it's "Independence day"
Did you hear about the firecracker that wouldn't explode?
It feels great to be finally recognized for my achievements.
obviously you can't kill one, but you also can't relocate one from where it's living, cause an eagle nest to come to any harm, and the oddest part, as i'm not sure how they'd even track this, is there's even a bit in the law about infecting them with any communicable diseases?
but i suppose there's really no way around that being ill eagle
"......gneiss guys finish last."
With a bang! 👉👌
Confused, I immediately replied, "No, they don't..."
She came back with, "Of course they do. They also have the 5th, and the 6th, and the 7th..."
After the fireworks, we were gathering up our things to leave. She asked if her new turtle was OK. I picked up its little carrier, peered inside, and said, "It looks a little shell-shocked."
Because they don't have Arrrrrs in them!
Dad: No they skip from the 3rd to the 5th.
We call it "In Depends Dance Day."
We're talking about that poor guy who passed on after accidentally lighting fireworks attached to his head on the 4th.
My wife: "I mean, what do you even say that guy's funeral?"
Me: "Well, at least he went out with a bang."
We had bought some snake fireworks for my two year old to look at. Our driveway was wet from all of the rain we were getting. We found a piece of wood to lay down so the fireworks didn't get wet. That's when I said "Look! It's snakes on a plank!"
Me: No, why would they?
My dad: Of course they do, they just don't celebrate it!
I asked, "so who lost?"
It was fun watching his face change expression as he tried to figure out what I meant, then the penny dropped, and he glared at me. There may have been threats that involved throwing objects at me.
J is the 1st, u is the 2nd, l is the 3rd, and y is the 4th of July.
While my Grandfather was still alive he would tell this to us every year.
Me: Mainly Saturdays and Sundays
It's just the front end.
(Actual dad joke I hear from him every year.)
My friends were talking about what they were doing for the 4th of July and we were all going out of town except for one friend. She said "I'll be here, holding down the fort."
"You mean holding down the 4th?"
But not fire....fire works on the 4th of July