An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why canโt you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
I was proud.
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
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︎ Dec 15 2020
My 8 year old finished eating dinner
8yo: "There, I ate!"
Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."
8yo: ๐ค?
9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"
8yo: "Daaaad!"
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︎ Feb 02 2021
From my 8 year old: Dad, how do camels hide from predators?
Me: Their fur is the same color as the desert so they blend in.
Her: Exactly! They camel-flage!
I walked right into that one lol
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Heard they are calling that Johnson and Johnson vaccine โ8 mileโ
Because you only get one shot.
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︎ Feb 02 2021
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, โYouโre an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still donโt get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
New joke from my 8 yr old
What sound does a tree make?
It barks
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︎ Jan 30 2021
8 y/o, "Dad, what does the space needle sew?"
Me, "I dunno, what?"
Her, "The fabric of space time!"
She told me that while we were watching the new years show at the space needle lol.
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Today I finally graduate after 8 years..
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︎ Jan 28 2021
6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
My son (8) walked out of the bathroom this morning and exclaimed "whoof!...
... I haven't peed since last year!"
I couldn't be more proud
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︎ Jan 01 2021
A joke from my 8 year old..
Did you know that 10+10 is the same as 11+11?
10+10 = twenty
11+11 = twenty too
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︎ Feb 02 2021
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
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︎ Nov 02 2020
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, โDad get out of the way!โ
I said, โYouโre the ones blocking!โ
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︎ Jun 27 2020
My daughter had her 6th driving test yesterday. She got 8 out of 10.
The other 2 jumped out of the way.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
My dad went out for cigarettes 8 years ago & finally came back.
He said he was in the desert with his camels.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Day 8: I used to be hokey pokey
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Whats the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78
At 8. You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18. You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28. You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38. She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48. She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58. You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68. If you take her to bed, that will be a story.
At 78. What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you ???
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︎ Dec 19 2020
My wife burned 8,000 calories
She left the brownies in the oven too long
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︎ Dec 14 2020
They say for this Christmas we can meet up with 8 people without any problems
I donโt know 8 people without problems
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︎ Dec 20 2020
My 8-year old ran past me and I shouted to her: "Hey, you lost something!"
She stops and ask "What?"
- "Your speed!"
She glares at me and says: "Dad, you lost something!"
- "What?"
- "Your hair!"
Oof.
True story.
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︎ Sep 21 2020
A German Family consisting of a Mom, Dad, 8-year-old son, and 6-year-old daughter walk into a bar.
The Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
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︎ Nov 14 2020
What did the German man say when asked if he could count past 8?
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︎ Nov 13 2020
What did the 0 say to the 8?
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︎ Nov 09 2020
If you were 8 years old when "Red, Red Wine" was released
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︎ Nov 17 2020
My 8 year old brother made this one: How does the fish cross the road?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
I just heard on the news, Adele has been sent to prison for 8 years
She was charged for setting fire to Lorraine
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︎ Nov 27 2020
When I was 8 years old my best friend died from a velcro accident.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
My 8 year old son's joke: What do you call an ox with big butt?
Buttocks
Source - from the jokes forum.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
When I was born, I only weighed 33.8 ounces...
Doctor said I was a natural born liter
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︎ Nov 05 2020
My son just told me his first dad joke. He's 8, so go easy.
Son: what did the fig say to the table?
Me: I don't know, what did the fig say to the table?
Son, angry voice: Hey! I'm asking the questions here. You FIG-ure it out.
Edit: thanks for the silver, I'll tell the boy in the morning!
Edit 2: explained to my son about the up votes and awards. When he heard that someone spent real money to congratulate him for the joke, he said he bets it was his grandparents. He's excited y'all enjoyed it.
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︎ May 23 2020
A pig without 3.14 is 9.8
So fellow dads, 3.14 is the value of pi and 9.8 is the value of gravity (G)
Hmm
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︎ Sep 15 2020
I said to my friend โYouโre an 8โ
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︎ Sep 27 2020
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".
That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.
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︎ Oct 27 2020
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs...
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
Bayern : What did you guys eat ? Schalke : 8- nothing. Barcelona - 8-2much.
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︎ Sep 19 2020
My 8 yo made this up after seeing a doctor: What makes your mouth sad?
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︎ Aug 17 2020
My wife just told me she wanted her ass 8.
I told her that was just ass 9.
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︎ Aug 09 2020
I finally got 8 hours of sleep!
It took 3 days, but whatever.
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︎ Aug 30 2020
My calculus professor was 16 minutes late for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.
At this rate, he will never be there on time.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
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︎ Nov 18 2020
6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
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︎ Feb 13 2020
What did the 0 say to the 8?
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︎ Jun 03 2020
What did 0 say to 8?
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︎ Sep 04 2020
6 was scared if 7 because 7 8 9. But why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
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︎ Aug 12 2020
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