Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
8 y/o, "Dad, what does the space needle sew?"
Me, "I dunno, what?"
Her, "The fabric of space time!"
She told me that while we were watching the new years show at the space needle lol.
π︎ 105
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
My son (8) walked out of the bathroom this morning and exclaimed "whoof!...
... I haven't peed since last year!"
I couldn't be more proud
π︎ 174
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
π︎ 190
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
π︎ 478
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
My dad went out for cigarettes 8 years ago & finally came back.
He said he was in the desert with his camels.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Day 8: I used to be hokey pokey
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
My daughter had her 6th driving test yesterday. She got 8 out of 10.
The other 2 jumped out of the way.
π︎ 58
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, βDad get out of the way!β
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
Whats the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78
At 8. You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18. You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28. You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38. She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48. She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58. You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68. If you take her to bed, that will be a story.
At 78. What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you ???
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
My wife burned 8,000 calories
She left the brownies in the oven too long
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
They say for this Christmas we can meet up with 8 people without any problems
I donβt know 8 people without problems
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
A German Family consisting of a Mom, Dad, 8-year-old son, and 6-year-old daughter walk into a bar.
The Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
My 8-year old ran past me and I shouted to her: "Hey, you lost something!"
She stops and ask "What?"
- "Your speed!"
She glares at me and says: "Dad, you lost something!"
- "What?"
- "Your hair!"
Oof.
True story.
π︎ 298
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
What did the German man say when asked if he could count past 8?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
What did the 0 say to the 8?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
My 8 year old brother made this one: How does the fish cross the road?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
If you were 8 years old when "Red, Red Wine" was released
π︎ 34
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
I just heard on the news, Adele has been sent to prison for 8 years
She was charged for setting fire to Lorraine
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
My 8 year old son's joke: What do you call an ox with big butt?
Buttocks
Source - from the jokes forum.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
When I was 8 years old my best friend died from a velcro accident.
π︎ 178
π
︎ Aug 15 2020
When I was born, I only weighed 33.8 ounces...
Doctor said I was a natural born liter
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
I said to my friend βYouβre an 8β
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
A pig without 3.14 is 9.8
So fellow dads, 3.14 is the value of pi and 9.8 is the value of gravity (G)
Hmm
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
My son just told me his first dad joke. He's 8, so go easy.
Son: what did the fig say to the table?
Me: I don't know, what did the fig say to the table?
Son, angry voice: Hey! I'm asking the questions here. You FIG-ure it out.
Edit: thanks for the silver, I'll tell the boy in the morning!
Edit 2: explained to my son about the up votes and awards. When he heard that someone spent real money to congratulate him for the joke, he said he bets it was his grandparents. He's excited y'all enjoyed it.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 23 2020
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs...
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".
That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
My 8 yo made this up after seeing a doctor: What makes your mouth sad?
π︎ 98
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
My wife just told me she wanted her ass 8.
I told her that was just ass 9.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
I finally got 8 hours of sleep!
It took 3 days, but whatever.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
My calculus professor was 16 minutes late for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.
At this rate, he will never be there on time.
π︎ 134
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
I drew the number 8 and called it opportunity.
I turned it on its side, now itβs endless opportunity.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10.β
I still donβt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
The meeting was at 8 and I was 10 minutes late, so I couldn't 8:10 the meeting.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
Whatβs the best way to get to the capital of Senegal? (From my 8 yr old son)
π︎ 73
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
From my 8 year old, on his path to becoming a great dad: "What did the designers of Darth Vader's costume model it on?"
π︎ 296
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
My 8 year old told me this joke!
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mindβitβs tearable.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
π︎ 26k
π
︎ Aug 04 2019
My 8 year old came up with this one, I still think about it:
Little Booger: Why are trees green?
Me: Uh, I dunno. Why?
LB: For camouflage!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
π︎ 59
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Feb 13 2020
What did the 0 say to the 8?
π︎ 681
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
What did 0 say to 8?
π︎ 57
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
6 was scared if 7 because 7 8 9. But why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
What did the 0 say to the 8 ?
π︎ 47
π
︎ Jun 09 2020
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9. But why did 7 eat 9?
It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Oct 07 2019
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