LV 1. Pun
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︎ Feb 28 2019
Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door.
That way, I always make a grand entrance.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Why are 0 and 1 the only numbers with genders?
All the others are non-binary
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︎ Jan 24 2021
I donโt mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were not in my favor
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︎ Jan 09 2021
What do you call a 1 legged Fox?
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︎ Jan 24 2021
1 1 was a racehorse
2 2 was 1 2, 1 1 1 1 race; and 2 2 1 1 2
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︎ Jan 22 2021
This occurred to me at 1 am and Iโve never been more proud
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︎ Jan 04 2021
What did 2n+1 say to 2n?
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Dude 1: โHey bro?โ Dude 2: โYeah bro?โ Dude 1: โCan you hand me that pamphlet?โ
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︎ Sep 25 2020
I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume knob stuck on full."
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
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︎ Dec 17 2020
This is a one in a 1,000,000 joke
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︎ Jan 19 2021
A ate a burger from a 1-armed chef.
He said it was a handburger.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times?
It becomes a Megadeth song
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︎ Jan 19 2021
My day is full of conference calls, collaborations, and 1-on-1s. I wish they would all just go away...
...but then my life would be meetingless.
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︎ Jan 21 2021
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadnโt cleaned the house all year
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︎ Jan 01 2021
I Canโt remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman Numerals
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Why is the Supreme Leader of North Korea number 1.
Because he is Kim Jong-Un, not Kim Jong-Deux.
Plus his father passed away since he was Kim Jong-ill.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Good 1 dad
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︎ Aug 13 2020
Just cost me a $1 to put air in my tyre, when before it used to be free.
I guess, that's inflation.
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now itโs $1.50. You know why?
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︎ Jul 22 2020
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...
... I love it when the clocks go forward!
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︎ Nov 19 2020
It's my 1-year Reddit anniversary
Getting karma should be easy as cake
Edit: Itโs a giant cake day celebration! Happy cake day everyone!!
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︎ Jun 28 2020
An apple pie in Jamaica is ยฃ1.50, a cherry pie in Barbados is ยฃ1.60 and a mince pie in Trinidad is ยฃ1.80.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
Ill see myself out
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︎ Oct 27 2020
There are 2 types of people: 1) people who make inferences over low amounts of information
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Person 1: โWill you follow me?โ
Person 2: โNo Iโm gonna follow sleep.โ
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︎ Dec 27 2020
Astronaut 1: Isthereaplacewecanhangoutafterwork?
Astronaut 2: Yeah, thereโs a space bar right over there.
Astronaut 1: Great, wanna go after work?
Astronaut 2: Nah, not really; the drinks are great but thereโs no atmosphere...
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
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︎ Dec 07 2020
My #1 Concern with my Bear Ranch is...
things could get grizzly.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
1 Michelin Star
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︎ Oct 25 2020
A treeโs wood is 50% carbon, 42% oxygen, 6% hydrogen, 1% nitrogen
You can call it a chemis-tree
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︎ Dec 12 2020
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
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︎ Oct 29 2020
I walked into a supermarket and saw 1/2 watermelon.....
Why is it i shop at Wholefoods and see this?
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Do you want to hear 2 short jokes and 1 long joke
Joke
Joke
Joooooooooooooooooooke
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Book review: 1 star
I've just finished reading Great Expectations and I have to say I was a little disappointed.
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︎ Dec 24 2020
They say 1 in 4 people are Dyslexic and there's 4 people in my office.
It's either Me or Darren or Kevin or Anal.
Its's Anal isnt it.
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Today I will be talking about the Makita 18V Cordless 1/2-Inch Hammer Drive
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
My 1 year old is starting to smell funky...
She hasn't had a diaper change all year!
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︎ Jan 01 2021
My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
The guy with 1 hater then
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Its 1:30 and im drunk, thought this was comical
What did the hispanic who took 2 too many drugs say? Help i think I over(dos)ed
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Why is 0=1?
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were not in my favor
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︎ Jan 09 2021
I canโt remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman Numerals
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
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︎ Nov 17 2020
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