Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
I have got loads of back issues.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
I told my son if he farted in the car he would have to give me 10$ of his 100$ monthly allowance.
I always get my 10 Per-Scent
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︎ Jul 20 2020
I wonder how much the monthly bill is for toilet paper at the hospital
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︎ Sep 06 2019
I paid a car dealership a monthly fee to drive a car for 2 years then after that I would return the car to the dealer...
It was the leased of my worries.
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︎ Nov 23 2019
Have you heard about the new subscription service, that Gary Lineker has launched? 28 portions of green tea delivered monthly.
Itβs called Matcha the Day
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︎ Jul 31 2019
Why is a woman"s monthly called a period?
Because colon was already taken.
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︎ Feb 20 2019
Which monthly climate hits the most?
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︎ Dec 18 2018
I kept receiving broken yo-yo's from the new monthly yo-yo subscription
Well, they said there weren't any strings attached
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︎ Oct 26 2018
Got my girlfriend with my monthly joke (again)
"It's OK baby, I know you're not really mad at me, you're just ovary acting!"
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︎ Sep 25 2015
Why isn't there a monthly magazine about guns called Clip?
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︎ Jul 14 2016
Have you seen this month's issue of Pylons Monthly magazine?
It has some shocking images.
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︎ Oct 14 2017
Month puns
Help, I need a name pun for February. December was Decemburr, Jan-NEW-ary, etc...thanks in advance
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︎ Jan 16 2019
When we first met you said you liked month puns and now you're telling me you never did...
Why July in the first place?
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︎ Oct 06 2018
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
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︎ Apr 14 2021
I told my suitcases we're not going anywhere for at least 6 months.
Now I'm stuck here dealing with all this emotional baggage.
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︎ May 07 2021
Our friend Carlos got his car stolen last month.
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︎ May 07 2021
Why do astronauts never get depressed, even if they stay in outer space for months?
There's nothing there to bring them down
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︎ Apr 29 2021
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
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︎ May 07 2021
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied βwell then it would just be overCOWdedβ
Thanks guys
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︎ Apr 27 2021
Two guys were arrested for stealing a calendar... They both got 6 months
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︎ May 04 2021
I enrolled in a paid clinical study that requires an hourlong nap every day for six months.
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︎ May 09 2021
I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...
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︎ Dec 21 2020
My wife called me at work and said βitβs time, the baby is comingβ
I said thatβs impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
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︎ May 01 2021
My buddy said he's been living on tins of baked beans all month.
That can't be good for his back.
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︎ May 06 2021
It FINALLY happened.
Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Someone removed the 5th month from all my calenders
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︎ Mar 01 2021
Whats your favorite month?
Dad: July
Me: Why July?
Dad: I didn't lie
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Just remembered a classic my brother-in-law dropped after my niece was born (A couple months ago)
My mother FaceTimed me so I could show her my sister and her baby
I went into my sister's room and said, "Hey mom wants to see you. Can you say a quick hello?"
Sister: Sure but just for a minute, I'm exhausted.
BIL, without dropping a beat: Hi exhausted, I'm a new dad!
Old but gold
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︎ Apr 28 2021
I'm giving up drinking for a month!
Sorry wrong punctuation. I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Whatβs a footβs favorite month?
Whatβs a footβs favorite month?
March
My six-year-old son made that up.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
I ran into my old barber today after going to a different guy for the last few months. He asked me why Iβm not coming in to the shop anymore and I said,
βYou just havenβt been cutting it lately.β
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
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︎ Aug 19 2020
What is Mr T's favorite month?
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︎ Apr 01 2021
For the first time in 6 months, it was warm enough to go outside in just a t-shirt today.
I probably should have worn pants, too.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
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︎ Mar 04 2021
After this week's bad weather in Texas, there'll probably be a baby boom in nine months.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
In the first few months of my wife's pregnancy she wasn't showing
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︎ Mar 26 2021
If there were months on an alternative βPlanet-Bβ, would they be named the same?
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Early this month scientists found out...
...and went directly in again
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︎ Mar 16 2021
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
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︎ Nov 10 2020
What is the best month to drink a lot of beer?
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︎ Feb 01 2021
September, October, November, and December should have been the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th month.
Whoever screwed this upβ- I hope he got stabbed.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Why were the ants enthusiastic about next month?
They had to MARCH into April.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
It took me over 6 months to come up with a joke about calendars and clocks.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
It's been 6 months since I've had chicken.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
I hate working for what I want. Capitalism has ruined everything. Every time I dip my pen in the company ink, nine months later my wife hires a new employee.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
What months have 28 days in them?
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︎ Feb 28 2021
What's the one month all soldiers hate?
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..
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︎ Mar 10 2021
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
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︎ May 18 2020
9 months really isn't that long...
It just feels like a maternity.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying Iβd exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Anyone want some old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
Iβve got loads of back issues.
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Anybody want my old copies of Chiropractic Monthly?
I have lots of back issues
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly....
I've got loads of back issues.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Anyone need old copies of Chiropractor Monthly?
I have lots of back issues.
π︎ 9
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︎ May 22 2019
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
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