You know hair stylists don't make hourly?

They just get a cut from every head of hair

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
5 hour pun battle with my dad over text
πŸ‘︎ 956
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malian_Carver
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...

... I love it when the clocks go forward!

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Bit of a long one but this was 6 years ago i punned at my sister for an hour reddit.com/gallery/k2ad0t
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adam10boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
An hour before 5 in the morning is the best time to cook a sweet potato.

Because it's For a Yam!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for an hour.

I think I'll skip to track 2 now.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/westtxfun
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
If my toddler misbehaves I sentence him to an hour in the

play-penitentiary.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
You could say I have an hour glass figure

It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chunkzz5159
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.

No need to remind her every half hour.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!

I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_you-ng
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........

.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists got bored after watching the Earth turn after 24 hours

So they called it a day

πŸ‘︎ 739
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kobykins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my wife accidentally pushed flower pot with her elbow. After 3 hours of arguingshe came to a conclusion that

I put it in the wrong place...... 3 years ago

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/newdoc123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".

That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I once ate two pieces of string and an hour later they came out my ass tied together

I shit you knot

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chettamine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I just had a fight. She has locked herself in the bathroom for an hour and still hasn't left.

I am tired of her shit.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was drinking and dancing at this club for hours and hours when I dropped my watch

I lost track of time

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It took me two hours to grill a chicken the other day…

And it still didn't tell my why it crossed the road…

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My best mates and i played a game of hide and seek, it went on for hours

Good friends are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puranjay1432
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally got 8 hours of sleep!

It took 3 days, but whatever.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i10driver
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My butcher is reducing his working hours

My butcher is going from five days a week to four days a week in order to ease himself into retirement. I don't think I can shop there anymore. It's just too odd having a butcher who can't do cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elquiche
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been searching in this map for the past hour...

And I can't seem to find country music.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HotWilbury
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the longest word in the English language?

Smiles. The first and last letters are a mile apart.

πŸ‘︎ 904
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Bark the car
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ra1ku_77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a feeling thistle be going on for hours...
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjriddick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
i'm working on puns and wordplays for my inktober. This is handburger
πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aesewiii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Early scientists would watch the world spin for 24 hours...

Then they got bored and called it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiteRdr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:

Speak now or forever hold your pee

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
On average, a panda feeds for approximately 12 hours a day. It’s the same with humans under quarantine.

That’s why it’s called a β€œPandemic”.

πŸ‘︎ 860
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.

He was hauling adze!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
After waiting for an hour at the doctor's office the nurse came by and said sorry for the wait...

To which I replied, "No problem, I'm patient."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
It takes 10 minutes to walk to the bar, and an hour to walk home.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
There were no mines in Soviet Russia

They were called ours

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hessim20
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I’m getting really annoyed

It keeps asking me, β€˜Where do you want to go?'

So I click on the icon that says β€˜Home’ and then it makes me start all over again.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolcalmjeff
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

Ell if I no

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kevin407
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Took me an hour to draw this and it was worth it
πŸ‘︎ 470
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Butterytoast_07
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.

In short his practice is shrinking.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I went on a date, and all she kept talking about for three hours was olive oil

I’m thinking extra virgin

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a guy standing outside for hours yesterday. I asked β€œAre you okay?” He said...

β€œYeah, I’m outstanding.”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle once had a 24-hour epileptic episode.

Now that's what I call seizing the day.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazst
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Amazon has started a new service where you will get custom made shirts delivered within 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report

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